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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

“Obedience is Man's Greatest Strength”

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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Exalted Holiness with an iron fist, and notable for its strictly enforced bedtime, rampant corporate plagiarism, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.018 billion Free Joyers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Spirituality, Industry, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Welfare and Social Policy are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Central City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 62.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Free Joyish economy, worth a remarkable 2,629 trillion Sweetings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 238,622 Sweetings, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,341,498 per year while the poor average 20,973, a ratio of 64.0 to 1.

Unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night pharmacy, no true communist is an unbeliever, motorbike jousters live young and die fast, and funeral mourners ridesharing with the deceased are encouraged to sit on the coffin to save room. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Free Joy State's national animal is the Dove, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The True Church of the Exalted Holiness.

The Free Joy State is ranked 1,543^rd in the world and 28^th in the Pacific for Fattest Citizens, with 48.17 Obesity Rate.

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