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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

“Obedience is Man's Greatest Strength”

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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Exalted Holiness with an iron fist, and notable for its aversion to nipples, avowedly heterosexual populace, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 14.556 billion Free Joyers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Spirituality, Industry, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Welfare and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Central City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 66.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Free Joyish economy, worth a remarkable 3,579 trillion Sweetings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 245,881 Sweetings, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,287,126 per year while the poor average 25,199, a ratio of 51.1 to 1.

Government statistics suggest 115% of the population love Exalted Holiness, gossip magazines have been replaced by mask catalogs, the line of people waiting for a visa interview in front of foreign embassies is typically a mile long, and soldiers are taught to throw their guns at their enemies once the bullets have run out. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Free Joy State's national animal is the Dove, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The True Church of the Exalted Holiness.

The Free Joy State is ranked 269,459^th in the world and 7,576^th in Lazarus for Smartest Citizens, with 0.24 quips per hour.

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