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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

“Obedience is Man's Greatest Strength”

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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Exalted Holiness with an iron fist, and remarkable for its closed borders, public floggings, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.676 billion Free Joyers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Spirituality, Industry, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Welfare and Social Policy are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Central City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 64.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Free Joyish economy, worth a remarkable 2,889 trillion Sweetings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 247,472 Sweetings, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 860,791 per year while the poor average 51,847, a ratio of 16.6 to 1.

Family trees become bare as entire branches are lopped off, the nation's new currency features full-length portraits of Exalted Holiness in ermine and velvet garb, most people think algebra is something a mermaid wears, and it's entirely possible foreign diplomats misheard when The Free Joy State offered the words "peace be upon you". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Free Joy State's national animal is the Dove, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The True Church of the Exalted Holiness.

The Free Joy State is ranked 1,288^th in the world and 36^th in the Pacific for Most Corrupt Governments, with 328.94 Kickbacks Per Hour.

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