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The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State

“Obedience is Man's Greatest Strength”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
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Location: Lazarus

Regional Influence: Nipper


The Free Joy State was Condemned by Security Council Resolution # 333

The Petrifying Procrastinations of The Free Joy State is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Exalted Holiness with an iron fist, and notable for its aversion to nipples, avowedly heterosexual populace, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 14.556 billion Free Joyers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Spirituality, Industry, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Welfare and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Central City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 66.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Free Joyish economy, worth a remarkable 3,579 trillion Sweetings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 245,881 Sweetings, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,287,126 per year while the poor average 25,199, a ratio of 51.1 to 1.

Government statistics suggest 115% of the population love Exalted Holiness, gossip magazines have been replaced by mask catalogs, the line of people waiting for a visa interview in front of foreign embassies is typically a mile long, and soldiers are taught to throw their guns at their enemies once the bullets have run out. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Free Joy State's national animal is the Dove, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The True Church of the Exalted Holiness.

The Free Joy State is ranked 269,459th in the world and 7,576th in Lazarus for Smartest Citizens, with 0.24 quips per hour.

Most Ignorant Citizens: 260thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 271stMost Devout: 409thMost Primitive: 448thLargest Insurance Industry: 611thLargest Mining Sector: 977thLargest Black Market: 1,131stHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,354thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,363rdFattest Citizens: 1,426thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1,524thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,645thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1,650thMost Avoided: 1,913thMost Valuable International Artwork: 2,189thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,397thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2,469thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2,635thTop
Largest Agricultural Sector: 4,042ndHighest Average Incomes: 4,118thHighest Economic Output: 4,396thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 5,474thMost Conservative: 5,966thMost Patriotic: 6,857thHighest Disposable Incomes: 9,296thMost Subsidized Industry: 10,641stMost Efficient Economies: 13,250thTop
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 13,776thLargest Governments: 14,068thLowest Crime Rates: 14,267thMost Authoritarian: 19,852ndLargest Populations: 20,520thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 26,471stLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 26,488th
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 11th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 11th in the regionMost Devout: 17th in the regionMost Primitive: 21st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 37th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 39th in the regionLargest Black Market: 52nd in the regionFattest Citizens: 66th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 68th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 70th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 71st in the regionTop
Highest Wealthy Incomes: 76th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 77th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 87th in the regionMost Avoided: 88th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 105th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 114th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 121st in the regionMost Conservative: 138th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 178th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 197th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 199th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 236th in the regionMost Patriotic: 281st in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 323rd in the regionTop
Most Subsidized Industry: 428th in the regionMost Extreme: 428th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 565th in the regionLargest Populations: 567th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 606th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 628th in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 652nd in the regionMost Authoritarian: 693rd in the region

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