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The Most Serene Eternal Republic of Calistan

“Hele mei hoohiwahiwa! Ho'olu komo la kaua!”

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The Most Serene Eternal Republic of Calistan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Da Big Kahuna with an even hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, irreverence towards religion, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, humorless population of 26.424 billion Caliwogs are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Environment, and Industry are also considered important, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Astro City. The average income tax rate is 75.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Cali economy, worth a remarkable 2,729 trillion Takoes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology and Basket Weaving. Average income is an impressive 103,288 Takoes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage, childhood friends of Da Big Kahuna are living it large abroad at the taxpayers' expense, most towns have their Da Big Kahuna High School located on Da Big Kahuna Street, and weather forecasts are accurate but nobody has the bandwidth to view them. Crime is totally unknown. Calistan's national animal is the Kiwi, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Kahunaism.

Calistan is ranked 4,229^th in the world and 117^th in the South Pacific for Most Beautiful Environments, with 2,554.48 pounds of wildlife per square mile.

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