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The Dumpster Fire of The Miami Marlins

“Baseball”

Overview • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Dumpster Fire of The Miami Marlins is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Marlin Man with an iron fist, and renowned for its keen interest in outer space, compulsory military service, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 8.841 billion Miami Marlinsians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Marlins Park. The average income tax rate is 71.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Miami Marlinsian economy, worth a remarkable 1,243 trillion guilders a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 140,611 guilders, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Government officials have to mortgage their homes to make ends meet, cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy, the armed forces are locked in an expensive and bloody war abroad to stamp out possible terrorists, and drill sergeants yell in the ears of bespectacled nerds in cybermilitary "reboot camps". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Miami Marlins's national animal is the penguin, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Trading Players.

The Miami Marlins is ranked 22,131^st in the world and 1,432^nd in Osiris for Lowest Crime Rates, with 88.02 law-abiding acts per hour.

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