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“My sons, and their sons, shall follow me!”

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The Protectorate of Deep Woods is a mammoth, socially progressive nation, ruled by The Phantom with a fair hand, and notable for its frequent executions and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 8.955 billion Deep Woodsians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The tiny, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Skull Cave. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.4%.

The strong Deep Woodsian economy, worth 549 trillion Pirate Pieces of Eight a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is fairly diversified and led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Retail, and Basket Weaving. Average income is 61,322 Pirate Pieces of Eight, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 217,926 per year while the poor average 12,432, a ratio of 17.5 to 1.

Grocery stores can be audibly identified by the giggling emerging from them, lending money has become a major liability, video evidence of cruel animal experiments tends to be of poor quality, and infantry are nicknamed "mushrooms" because they get fed crap and are left in the dark. Crime is a problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. Deep Woods's national animal is the Devil Wolf, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Oath of the Skull.

Deep Woods is ranked 297,768^th in the world and 72^nd in The Social Liberal Union for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -6.32 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.