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“Justice, Piety, Loyalty”

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The Commonwealth of Apatchai is a mammoth, orderly nation, ruled by Tom Oaks with an iron fist, and notable for its museums and concert halls, ubiquitous missile silos, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 5.015 billion Apatchaians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Spirituality, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Red Stick. The average income tax rate is 53.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Apatchaian economy, worth 241 trillion pesos a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Book Publishing, and Automobile Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 48,211 pesos, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

The government subsidizes those who produce the worst results, oracles predict landslide victories for Tom Oaks for the next 50 years, people with hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia faint upon diagnosis, and politicians tend to speak more loudly and slowly these days. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Apatchai's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Great Spirit.

Apatchai is ranked 153,966^th in the world and 4^th in The Hub for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 382.44 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.