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IC: The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
*Intro Music Plays*

"From Hollywood the Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson this is Ed McMahon and we're inviting you to join Johnny and his guests..." Ed rattles off a number of celebraties, "and Kaiser Thor Odinson. And now Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!" Says Ed introducing the show as the audiences erupts with applause as Johnny steps out from behind the curtains to start the show as he usually does with his world famous monologues.

"So did you all hear about the recent UFO sightings going on in Hedra? Well supposedly one of their senators or some such is now claiming to have had an encounter of himself. Of course it was revealed later that he had just crossed paths with one of the people he's tasked with representing. Crazy stuff going on in Hedra. Word has it that the Department of Foreign Affairs is just waiting to get a phone call from Elys Dowager for when she's ready to take the job as Konig. Crazy things are happening all over right now. War and revolution all over. Did you hear about fighting going on in Gnoc Nic? I guess they're the only ones who dont know that you dont Knock nic. Alright that's enough torture for now. We've got a really great show tonight folks a really great show. We'll be right back after a word from one of our sponsors." Says Johnny as the show goes to break.

Show comes back a progresses through all the different guests and jokes between Johnny, Ed, and the guests before finally getting to the biggest guest of all for the night, Kaiser Odinson.

"Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Kaiser Odinson to the couch!" says Johnny as the Kaiser steps out from behind the curtain. The crowd erupts with cheers and applause.

"Welcome to the show Kaiser Odinson." Says Johnny.

"Oh c'mon Johnny we're friends... you can call me sir." Replies the Kaiser. Johnny, Ed, and the audience erupt with laughter. Johnny sits up straight and gives a salute jokingly to the Kaiser. "Sir yes sir!" Johnny says jokingly.

"So how goes the nation?" Johnny asks.

"Haha. Well it's going well." The Kaiser answers jokingly, "Had a summit with the Tritrans recently."

"Oh yeah that was quite a puff piece in your favor on that B something show now wasn't it?" Says Johnny.

"Haha. Honestly I'd say it's the best foreign press I've gotten in a long time." The Kaiser says with a chuckle and a grin.

"I President Ion wasn't too happy with how you treated the cheese." Johnny remarks.

"Yeah I had just ate breakfast before the summit so I wasn't that hungry and while I have gone to drinking that time of day once in a while in my life I just tend not to start drinking that early in the day whether it's wine or moonshine. All good things in moderation y'know? Of course it was around or a little after noon by the time it was done and over with so I hammered back the wine and took the cheese to go. I guess Tritran cheese is too good to be wrapped in a napkin and shoved in a pocket. I later saw the interview where Ion complained how I treated the cheese and wine." The Kaiser explains.

"No... cheese... in... pockets..." says Johnny as if writing a note for himself. The crowd laughs.

"I heard he told you a story about his origins or what have you." Johnny says.

"Yeah he did. It was a nice story I guess. I just didn't have much time for the summit so I didn't really give much time to give any sort of reaction to it. I mean it was stuff I already knew. Not like I don't have a plethora of information provided by countless advisors just for such occasions. But it's not like I didn't keep him from telling me it all. But his getting upset over the wine and cheese and that think with Sovern changing the name of Shia to something else on their maps... well let's just say it's not a surprise. He's... sensitive." And with that the crowd erupts with laughter again.

"But I got us a good deal out of it which is all that really matters. I'm not surprised by that piece of propaganda that interview he did either. I've seen and dealt with my fair share of people just like Ion throughout the years. The wonders of state run media and a few guys with guns threatening people. Have a TV "interview" with rehearsed lines and cue cards. Have either a captive audience or a bunch of brainwashed supporters told when to clap and laugh. Commies did that sort of thing all the time for I don't know the whole Cold War. It's all about putting on a show. And the actors don't even have to be good which tends to be the case. I know my calling him a tyrant gets on his nerves and makes them point the guns at the audience to boo but it's the truth and I am simply not surprised by him what so ever." the Kaiser explains.

"A bit cliche isn't he?" Johnny says.

"Well it isn't entirely his fault Johnny. I mean when you've been around the block enough times you know where every single crack and chip in the sidewalk is like I have a lot of things can be a bit predictable and cliche after awhile. The sky is blue, water is wet, and tyrants are all the same. There are variations of a few degrees but all pretty much the same." The Kaiser replies.

"Also think he said something connected to those "evil emperor" conspiracy theories." Johnny says.

"Yeah he could've. "Vostag wants to take over the world" or whatever the wackos are saying nowadays. Vostag bad Tritra superpower! The typical stuff. Although if there were any superpowers Tritra is far from it. If only Ion knew that Tritra hasn't gone up the power ladder but it has fallen and not only that it has been lapped by other nations by a country mile. And I don't want to take over and control the whole world. I mean the world's nice and all but direct, totalitarian control of everything would really just be a pain. It's the one thing tyrants never have the ability to realize. I mean really you don't want to control the whole world. Especially totalitarian control. Controlling thing in people's everyday lives. You cant have a life of your own to do that sort of thing. I've said it once and I'll say it again. There are people who think the gods are directly involved in every single little thing that goes on. Direct involvement. But is that really what a GOD would do? Hell now you set the whole thing to run itself leaving you open to step in when and where you want to if at all. I had a childlike fantasy once of ruling the world. But realized I dont want to. So what did I do? I founded the UNB, wrote the Rights of Nations, delegated powers to the ministers and the delegates, and bingo, bango, bongo-congo the whole thing basically runs itself and people are, more or less, happy. I mean there are always happy people and unhappy people but not much can be done about that.

So no I don't want to rule the world. Earth is my home because Hyperborea is my home. But I've had a dream for the past 50s years just about of the greatness the Hyperborean people and the Hyperborean nation can achieve. A dream of climbing the ladder of the Kardashev scale and growing from an earth bound, to solar system bound, to interstellar, to galactic and maybe even intergalactic nation. Of building Dyson spheres, ring worlds, Alderson disks, and Bishop rings. Of building Dyson Spheres around stars and making them into Matrioshka brain computers we can use to answer the riddles of the universe, of making Shkadov thrusters which use entire stars as engines, and of star lifters harvesting the vast resources of stars and Dyson-Nicoll lasers harnessing the power of a sun to defend our great empire from any foes which may be lurking out there in the darkness. I dream of one day that our empire, the empire of the black sun, of the dark star can live up to its name and build a Kugelblitz around the black hole at the center of our galaxy to harness the greatest power in the universe. So do I have dreams of things bigger than myself? Yes, but not of ruling the world or anything small like that. I dream of the great potential of we the Hyperborean people and our great nation. We can do great things when we want to. We've already done great things. We dared to walk on the moon and we did it. We dared unlock the power of the atom and harness it for peace as well as for defense and we did it. Hyperborea is capable of even greater things and it is my hope that this long life which I have been gifted with, or cursed with depending on who you talk to and the day of the week, that I can see it reach that greatness. If I can live to see that then I can die a happy man. I started the UNB in the hopes that our brother and sister nations in peace can join us on that journey and share in our successes. Some may say I'm crazy or that it's an impossible pipe dream for any nation not just ours but if there is one group of people which has made the impossible possible it's us.

Some say it's impossible to conquer Hyperborea yet I can say that only Hyperboreans can conquer Hyperborea. As a wise man once said "History began Hewi 4th 11676, everything before that was a mistake." and I'm inclined to agree with him. Gods bless Hyperborea, Gods bless the UNB, and Gods bless our boys and girls fighting to defend us and liberate those oppressed!" Says the Kaiser as he stands up and the crowd erupts with thunderous applause. It isn't long after this that the show closes for the evening. The interview goes on to be considered one of the Kaiser's greatest "speeches" he's ever given.