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The Free Land of Zuelong

“You can never be too sure”

Overview • Factbook • Dispatches • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Free Land of Zuelong is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Robert B Ware with a fair hand, and remarkable for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, complete lack of prisons, and zero percent divorce rate. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 4.745 billion Incapacitated Tribesmen are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Swatchit. The average income tax rate is 91.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Inpacacitated economy, worth 691 trillion heads a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 145,681 heads, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Visiting the best Inpacacitated restaurants requires keeping a visa on file, fraternities are notorious for drunken hooliganism, sleeping on the job is recommended, and the nation has nearly as many history museums as Incapacitated Tribesmen. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zuelong's national animal is the guillotine, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pastafarianism.

Zuelong is ranked 7,873^rd in the world and 36^th in Conch Kingdom for Lowest Crime Rates, with 106.08 law-abiding acts per hour.

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