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The Football Club of Newton Heath LYR FC

“C'mon you Reds!”

Overview • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Football Club of Newton Heath LYR FC is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by God Money with an iron fist, and renowned for its deadly medical pandemics, pith helmet sales, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.43 billion Fans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Manchester. The average income tax rate is 89.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Newton Heath LYR FCian economy, worth a remarkable 1,827 trillion Trophies a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Retail, Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 193,765 Trophies, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

Government adverts say that twelve lashes a day keeps divine wrath at bay, fixing attendance at women's matches is a matter of "when they go low, we go high... funding", the monarch's main official duty is christening ships, and cheese has been labelled a dangerous weapon and banned. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Newton Heath LYR FC's national animal is the Red Devil, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the Theatre of Dreams.

Newton Heath LYR FC is ranked 3,991^st in the world and 14^th in The Card Mine for Most Corrupt Governments, with 255.52 kickbacks per hour.

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