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“Suaviter in Modo, Fortiter in Re”

Overview • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Republic of Essendon FC is a colossal, safe nation, remarkable for its frequent executions, keen interest in outer space, and avant-garde cinema. The compassionate, devout population of 3.822 billion Essendon FCians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The enormous, socially-minded government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Education, and Healthcare also on the agenda. The average income tax rate is 65.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Essendon FCian economy, worth 188 trillion Dollars a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 49,285 Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Engine room hooch is the drink of choice among the nation's navy, the air force's greatness is based on how many enemies are made during procurement, nobody looks each other in the eye at neighborhood block parties any more, and politicians have tenure. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Essendon FC's national animal is the Bombers, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Essendon FC is ranked 71,316^th in the world and 8^th in AFL for Highest Poor Incomes, with 42,093.26 Standard Monetary Units.