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The Holy Empire of Devoted Snails

“Everybody's mortal but me”

Overview • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Holy Empire of Devoted Snails is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Leader with an iron fist, and renowned for its national health service, frequent executions, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 45.463 billion Devoted Snailsians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The minute, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Law & Order, although Environment, Education, and Welfare are also considered important, while Defense receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Devoted Snails City. Income tax is unheard of.

The large but sluggish Devoted Snailsian economy, worth 904 trillion Godly Shells a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 19,898 Godly Shells, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The police have reaffirmed their tough stance on drugs, the words 'private' and 'enterprise' must never appear in the same sentence, poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment, and retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Devoted Snails's national animal is the Dove, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Blind Devotion.

Devoted Snails is ranked 290,974^th in the world and 11,233^rd in Balder for Largest Automobile Manufacturing Sector, scoring -56.85 on the Henry Ford Productivity Index.

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