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The Ecstatic Rush of Clubbing Baby Seals

“Untz Untz Untz”

Overview • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Ecstatic Rush of Clubbing Baby Seals is a colossal, efficient nation, notable for its infamous sell-swords, free-roaming dinosaurs, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.82 billion Baby Seals are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Defense. The average income tax rate is 83.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Clubbin economy, worth 900 trillion clubs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 131,975 clubs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

Welfare funding has recently gone through the roof, the nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea, the combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage, and blind students are at a disadvantage now that test papers printed in braille have been discontinued. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Clubbing Baby Seals's national animal is the salmon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways.

Clubbing Baby Seals is ranked 57,855^th in the world and 53^rd in Psychotic Dictatorships for Lowest Crime Rates, with 72.25 law-abiding acts per hour.

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