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The Free State of Langersland

“60 MILLION DOWN THE DRAIN - KAI HAVERTZ SCORES AGAIN”

Overview • Factbook • Dispatches • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Free State of Langersland is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Langers Prime with an iron fist, and remarkable for its strictly enforced bedtime, compulsory military service, and compulsory vegetarianism. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 14.111 billion Langers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order, Spirituality, and Industry are also considered important, while Environment and Education aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tingo-Jingo. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Langer economy, worth a remarkable 4,949 trillion Trumps a year, is led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, and Retail. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 350,783 Trumps, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,156,930 per year while the poor average 24,898, a ratio of 86.6 to 1.

A nickname of "Doctor Death" probably indicates a decorated war hero, musicians are often arrested for saying "oh my God", it is customary to begin the summer with a fasting ritual in which people eat nothing but kumquat smoothies, and if foreigners can hit a spittoon from five paces they get a free holiday to Langersland. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. Langersland's national animal is the Shrike, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the Cult of Langers Prime.

Langersland is ranked 290,962^nd in the world and 435^th in United Kingdom for Most Beautiful Environments, with 0.56 pounds of wildlife per square mile.

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