Dead SeaBoard

Early History 1900 - 1914

The archipelago nation Heritick farmland was originally inhabited by the Clovis People in Prehistoric times. They were wiped out by the Great Tsunami which was created by the well known CGM-3 Mini-Asteroid strike of 1800. Nature had virtually liberated the island chain from humans (unfortunately most of the animals were dead). Plant life was pulverized in the northern and central islands. This event would later save on the cost of bulldozing. However, the southern most island, later known as Legumlandia, was spared the loss of its fauna and flora.

In 1903, a shipwrecked drunken sailor washed ashore on the large northern island of the archipelago. His name was Alvie "Drinky" Crow, originally from Kalifornika. Naturally, Drinky crow claimed the island as his own and named it "Help!" Drinky, now stranded, survived by feeding on fish and floating coconuts for several months. In that time he sobered up then gathered materials to fashion a makeshift raft for himself to make his escape. Crow navigated his rickety raft out into the shipping lanes where the whaling ship SS Herman melville rescued him, returning him to his life as a drunken sailor. He told a passenger on the Melville of his experience and the islands. The man's name was Morty.

A year later, the largest island of the chain was rediscovered by a self described corporate lawyer/arsonist investor from Jerzylvania by the name of Mortimer F. "Morty" McMorton. Morty immediately sent a Morse Coded message ship to ship which was eventually received in San Francisco. It was a legal document making his claiming rights to the islands. The document was printed and legally filed, with duplicate copies being sent to the various international bodies, the US government, the press and one copy to his wife. Morty's favorite US President was Andrew Jackson. So he hastily decided to name the archipelago after Old Hickory's estate, the Hermitage. However, McMoron, a notoriously bad speller, inadvertently misspelled "Hermitage" as "Heritick". And so it was, in that spelling error Heritick Farmland derived its bizarre name. However, a majority of Heritick Farmland historians believe McMorton was drunk at the time.

Undeterred, Morty notified his far-right leaning friends back in the states of cheap land deals, legalized slavery and potential opportunities for those interested in furthering their eugenics crusade. As happenstance would have it, most of Heritick Farmland was settled by a combination of feuding factions from Kalifornika, New mexizona, Jerzylvania, Marylvania, Alabarkansippianna and Mexikotexas. Apparently unknown to these ex-Americans was the arrival of a large steamship with 200 men and 157 women, former inhabitants of Mount-kilimanjaro which had voyaged to the islands a year earlier from Kilindini Harbor in Mombasa, Kenya. It's passengers had established a quiet settlement around a previously uncharted lagoon on the lush southern-most island. They were delighted the island was a Paradise free of volcanic activity. The newcomers had found peace and tranquility. The settlement was soon self sufficient and went largely unnoticed by the self involved northern islanders who wrongly assumed they were the original native islanders of the archipelago.

World War I (The Great War)

Heritick Farmland desperately needed more settlers, and especially more women. Most of Morty McMorton’s letters and telegrams went unanswered, but some Shady characters did respond to other forms of outreach. Through communications via restroom graffiti and posted bills on brothels and random telephone poles there was born a steady stream of newcomers. Within a decade a thriving community of approximately 25,000 citizens emerged. Then unexpectedly, in the summer of 1914, the Great War broke out in Europe. Even though Heritick Farmland was roughly 6900 miles from central Europe, President McMorton (elected in 1904) declared war on England, France, Russia and their Allies. His political feelings towards Europe were determined in his childhood. Orphaned by a runaway English mother, he was adopted by a large doting Swedish woman and her short hard drinking, violence-prone Germanic husband. Morty preferred his mother's side of the family, and always considered himself politically Swedish. Though Sweden had officially remained neutral in the war, everyone knew they leaned a certain direction. President McMorton would make sure there wasn't any confusion on his allegiance. He shocked the nation by unexpectedly declaring war on the UK and her allies on September 3, 1914.

As it was, the war remained a long way off, and Heritick Farmland was relatively unaffected, except for it's booming economy in the armaments sector due to the great abundance of accumulated bird guano. The place literally stank. But three years later in April 1917, the USA changed course, declaring war on Germany and it’s Central Power allies. Mortimer F. McMorton, still president, is said to have crapped his pants as he read a threatening telegram from the US State department the morning after April Fool's. Morty feared the worst and reversed course. He declared Heritick Farmland a neutral nation in his now infamous "He's scared sh!tless speech" of April 2nd, 1917. This would be the beginning of the end of McMorton's political power.

The Roaring Twenties

By 1920, former President McMorton had become reclusive and never left his front porch where he constantly waved flyswatters at any passersby. He lost his bid for a fourth consecutive term as president in November 1919. Brewery Baron and former neighbor in Jerzylvania, Bob "Bucky" Buckingham, was elected in a landslide. He immediately declared beer and Liquor were to be the official beverages at his presidential residence. A wild eight year reign ensued. Many Americans immigrated into Heritick Farmland due to the prohibition of alcohol back in the US. Heritick Farmland's population swelled to nearly a million and the economy boomed. These were the "good old daze" as known in HF lore. The Barnum and bailey circus paid a visit then Babe ruth barnstormed the countryside with a baseball team. During these years, radio stations also popped up around the realm playing popular American dance music. In late 1928, the "Charleston" was performed on top of a flagpole by President Buckingham while wearing a raccoon coat. As he waved at the drunken crowd below Buddy fell to the ground, paralyzing himself from his “waste” down. A witness to the event, Frank gallagher, was quoted in the McMorton City Guardian "Buddy looked like a giant flying squirrel in that coat as he plunged downward, until he landed on his back, it really ruined my buzz." When Buckingham regained consciousness he said, "well, I guess it was a good time to get wheeled outta there, before someone tapped another keg”. He was then unceremoniously shipped off to a US rehab center to dry out. Unfortunately, Bucky was neglected by the medical staff. The President of HF passed away unattended from continual dry heaves a week later. This tragedy necessitated the ascension of his Vice President, Damian "Hammerhead" Boniface into the presidency and with that the good times in Heritick Farmland were officially over.

The 1930s - The Great Suppression

Damian Boniface was highly educated but had an emotional intelligence of negative 47. Problems began immediately. He instituted a secret police force (SPF) of Octogenarian Golf-cart Patrollers to restore law and order at neighborhood coffee houses. Next he disbanded HF's bicameral congress and replaced them with his personally selected committees. Since the economy was going great guns (armament factories) and most everyone had become alcoholics this was easily accomplished. President Boniface decided to notify the public of these changes in "The Guardian" on St. Patrick's Day. The announcement was placed on page D27, next to the daily astrological forecasts and comic strips. Meanwhile the headline on page A1 proclaimed the institution of "Free Beer Day" and that is as far as anybody read. They were all suddenly out for free green beer. Once this all day assuagement commenced, the SPF set about their task of arresting and relocating HF's elected representatives to remote concentration camps located near the ladies' penal colony on faraway Jilligans island. Soon after, the new select committees approved the transition of President Boniface to Leader Boniface and abolished "those costly damned elections.” As a further distraction, Free Beer Weekends (FBWs) were heavily publicized in the media and were sponsored by American Tobacco companies which distributed free Cigarettes. Mandatory attendance for all HF citizens over the age of thirteen was so ordered. Somehow all of this was happily received by the vast majority of the citizenry, as the economy of Heritick Farmland continued to flourish while back in the dry USA, the Great Depression deepened. "Just let him do it, and have another drink" was the common cry heard in early 1930s Heritick Farmland barrooms and politics.

Several chaotic and drunken years passed by; of which documentation was either lost or destroyed. In the spring of 1939, freedom of religious expression which had been largely ignored by the previous two presidents was suddenly and viciously attacked by Leader Boniface. "No Mormons!" he proclaimed. Missionairies of the Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints argued with his drunken son about the constant chaos. Boniface reacted harshly with an edict outlawing their religion. Public condemnation was assigned on patriotic grounds. None of the Mormons had attended the FBWs. Boniface announced the ban to the HF people while riding with his Octogenarian Golf-cart Patrollers in the Festival of Constantly Barking Pomeranian Dogs Parade. Since the population over thirteen was dysfunctional and permanently drunk, very few citizens complained. Not to be discriminatory, he would further outlaw all religion on September 1, 1939. That same day WWII broke out in Europe. Damian Boniface had close family ties with Italy's Benito Mussolini and proudly lined up with the Axis Nations, led by Greater Germany, Fascist Italy and eventually Imperial Japan. Former President Mortimer “Morty” McMorton, now 86 and on his death bed, was famously quoted with his final public political comment "Hell, don't you remember how the last war turned out?"! But alas, to no avail, Leader Boniface exclaimed, “Ki$$ my A$$!” as he stormed out of the dying ex-President’s bedroom and forward with the pact. This was the actually source of "Ki$$ my A$$" as the national motto, which lasted for the next 75 years.

World War II

There were no problems the first years of the war. However late in 1942, Leader Boniface had finally gotten word of the settlement on the secluded southern island of Legumlandia. The settlement had now grown to over 10,000 people. Boniface's reaction was to immediately declare war and launch an invasion. His goal was the enslavement of the Legumlandians. As it was, the invasion was poorly planned out and soon became bogged down in the south island quicksands. It was further hampered by the hot humid climate and the monsoon season. Leader Boniface contacted Italian strongman Benito Mussolini and asked for immediate relief. Mussolini, in turn, persuaded German Dictator Adolf Twitler to aid their tiny Pacific ally. Although engaged in "Operation Barbarosa" deep into the Russian Steppe, and against advice from his top commanders, Hitler sent ten fresh divisions of the Waffen S.S. 6900 miles east into Legumelandia to save Boniface's endangered invasion force. The conflict was won by the Axis forces after several weeks of heavy fighting." Many Legumlandians were killed, while others fled for their lives in small boats. Some reached the USA and joined the Allied war effort to defeat the Axis Powers.

The cost of the invasion would be devastating for Germany. Due to the vast distances, the affair took six months and drained much needed resources from "Operation Barbarosa". It is now viewed by historians as the most critical blunder by the German dictator thus leading directly to his eventual defeat in 1945. To make matters worse, Leader Boniface repaid the Axis by abandoning them one month after the D-Day invasion of France, which occurred one month after the last German troops shipped out from Legumlandia. Japan was quite unhappy about this betrayal, plus a hostile American Navy task force was lurking near the shores of Heritick Farmlands with orders to decimate the islands. Despite that, these orders were countermanded by General Douglas MacArthur just hours before the invasion. The task force bypassed HF and headed for the Philippines. The Japanese concerns were now also elsewhere. Heritick Farmland had narrowly dodged invasion on both sides. Boniface was called a madman by the worldwide press, but he was viewed as a very lucky madman at this point in the war. That was enough to reassure the wealthy alcoholic majority of Heritick Farmland and quell any growing opposition by it's youthful factions. President Damian "Hammerhead" Boniface's extraordinary luck would last a short while longer.

WW II Aftermath

The War ended the following September and American politician's were persuaded by Heritick Farmland Ambassador Smedley Smith that the “Legumlandian Legacy” was Boniface's masterstroke for turning the Allies fortunes in the European Theater. The American President, Harry s truman pondered this possibility for several days before being quoted on Meet the Press “that it was very possible the venture was planned by Boniface to help defeat the Wehrmacht,” but later that Sunday evening, the Washington Post leaked a report that OSS agents had earlier intercepted communiques in late 1942 between Berlin and McMorton City, showing this as demonstrably false and not at all the case. President Truman was furious. As a result, a nearby desolate atoll known as Kalama-tee islands was personally selected by Truman for the testing of atomic weapons, commencing as soon as possible. As a result, Leader Damian “Hammerhead” Boniface's political shelf life was effectively expired. Films of the destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were all the rage in McMorton City Theaters by this time. Once the tests were announced, a sudden outbreak of fear and anger gripped the Heritick Farmland countryside.

Retribution

“Truman and the USA were to blame” said Leader Boniface, but his achilles heel was that he had no power to stop the tests. He had finally run flat out of luck. The lack of any ability to handle the situation led to tumult in the streets of all sections of Heritick Farmland. The Secret Police turned on him as well including the Octogenarian Golf-cart Patrollers. His fate was sealed. Boniface was arrested on the morning of June 9, 1950 and charged with treason, a capital offense, punishable by public execution at the presidential residence. The trial was a mere formality. Damian “Hammerhead” Boniface was executed by firing squad at dawn on September 4, 1950. He was offered the final cigarette and joked "I'd rather be shot and cremated than take up smoking.” He then added "ya know, I'm related to Houdini and I still might be able to get out of this.” His daughter, Kellyanne, present at the execution, was heard asking “really Dad? I didn't know that?” Boniface's final words were "No, no, not really Kell..." in the next moment, the lethal shots rang out.

The next morning, as fate would have it, the first Atomic Tests were conducted 40 miles south of the Archipelago on a doomed Kalama-Tee Islands atoll. The wind drifted the deadly fallout cloud directly onto the Heritick Farmland capital, McMorton City. In six weeks, half the population was sick with radiation poisoning and the other half was dying. Fortunately, the rate was less than a quarter in the rural areas of the country. Nevertheless, many preventable deaths occurred. “It was worse than living under high tension power lines all your life,” mumbled one of the refugees in its aftermath. Damian Boniface's final request was granted. His remains were cremated. However, by then the fallout had contaminated large areas in McMorton City, most especially the crematoriums. Geiger counters revealed a high level of radiation in Damian "Hammerhead" Boniface's ashes. It was decided his ashes be encased in concrete and deposited into the deepest area of the Mariana Trench as is now customary for all radioactive Heritick Farmland dignitaries and criminals.

The Cold War & The Junta; The 1960s & 1970s & A New Dictatorship

The country was then subdivided into 61 sectors, 59 of which were inhabited. “Sector 27” became the new slang for McMorton City. The name stuck and the capital was officially renamed ten years later by the ruling business junta. It was comprised of a committee of leaders from the armament, pharmaceutical and manufacturing industries. In 1953 they chose Professor irwin corey as Chairman of the committee. He was tasked with funding the country with military and humanitarian aid from the guilt ridden US Government beginning in 1954. However, it is now widely known as a cover for the true reason for America's continued interest in HF, it's paralyzing fear of “The Red Menace”. The American politicians believed communists were planning on overthrowing the newly formed government. This paranoia was discovered by Corey and fully exploited by negociating a massive military aid package and infrastructure improvements fully paid for by U.S. taxpayers. President Eisenhower defended the $100 billion dollar cost as "an investment in freedom." To the contrary, President john f kennedy was later asked by Walter Cronkite in September of 1963, as to the situation with Heritick Farmland. JFK answered he was looking at cancelling all aid to the country and recalling military advisers due to the massive human rights violations witnessed in HF by returning Peace Corp volunteers. Unfortunately, JFK would not live long enough to change the policy and so it continued through the LBJ and the Nixon administrations.

By the mid-1960s, there was a relaxation of some restrictions in alcohol consumption. Those over the age of thirteen years old were no longer mandated to partake in FBWs, at least until they reached their 16th birthday. Marijuana was legalized in 1967, creating a large recreational drug tourist industry which spawned the American owned Brandyhouse specialty company. Outwardly, US authorities frowned upon this development but it was later found the pot tourism firm was a convenient front for covert CIA operatives and the laundering of huge sums of dark money. This resulted in a somewhat two faced American policy of LSD and marijuana interdictions, mostly involving Heritick Farmland and several thousand US college campuses, all used as political cover. These were begun by President Richard M. Nixon in an effort to kick-start his spurious War on Drugs.

This would all come back to haunt the US in 1981, when former Sector 27 insane asylum patient and future dictator, Rake Angersulk seized power during the well known HF pain pill/steroidal injection shortage. This movement initially picked momentum in 1977 and peaked as Rake's “monetary” revolution became a reality in early 1981. The currency of Heritick Farmland had historically been the US Dollar (although former Leader Boniface had replaced it temporarily with the Denarius in the 1940s). However, the mostly older, weak willed and financially strapped voters of Heritick Farmland had become hopelessly hooked on daily pain medications provided free of cost by the American Government. These drugs were provided as treatment for the lasting side effects of radiation exposure caused by the Kalama-Tee Island H-bomb tests of the early '50s. Of course, this particular method of treatment is viewed today as Biologically incorrect.

As it was, the drug war was eventually won by Heritick Farmland by simply making these substances the country’s legal currency. This decision did cost the nation its most favored trading partner status for two years, but it was re-bestowed on the nation in 1974 by President Gerald Ford while giving his “our great national nightmare is over" speech in front of his son's bedroom closet door. Secretly Ford was fearful of Professor Corey's scheduled summit meeting with Soviet officials at the Kremlin later that spring. Nevertheless, the embargo was eventually re-instituted by incoming President Jimmy Carter in the summer of 1979. It had been revealed by NSA intel that Heritick Farmland had secretly supported the Poll pot regime in Cambodia. This delay in aid caused economic turmoil and ignited the eventual overthrow of the ruling Junta and the installation of a new dictator, Rake Angersulk. In the recorded annals of world history, few other examples of his style of drugged behavioral control and subjugation has rarely been found. Although a compelling parallel was frequently drawn by Angersulk to the “good old daze.” Reminding the masses of Heritick Farmland's popular Free Beer Day and Weekends (FBWs) of yore. Modern HF historians have decried the comparisons as bogus.

The Angersulk Dictatorship 1981 - 2015

The Angersulk Dictatorship led Heritick Farmland in narcissism as well as state. His likeness was on everything, save for the flag, which he feared would be burned overseas as an effigy. The $teroidal Injection currency soon turned out to be a disaster. Young people refused to be paid in them (as they didn’t need them) and demanded payment in U.S. Dollars. Young upwardly mobiles emigrated from the country in droves until the borders were sealed in 1985. Attempting to escape was punishable by a mandatory twenty year prison sentence. Having lost faith in Heritick Farmland completely, U.S. President Ronald Reagan labeled the nation a Narco-state. Reagan finally broke all ties with HF in 1986. This effectively cut off all U.S. funding and further derailed the economy. Dictator Rake Angersulk retaliated by visiting North Korean leader Kim Jong Il and formalizing relations with the North Korea in 1989. Nothing came of it as the North Koreans had nothing to offer him other than a golf date with Dear Leader in which he and Rake shot 21 holes in one.

President George H W Bush referred to Heritick Farmland as a dangerous and warlike power in his “1000 points of buzzwords speech” later that year. The standard of living continued to plunge entering the 1990s. Rake’s wife, Almira lamely attempted to start a new religion, as she plagiarized “to become the new opiate of the masses.” This "faith" was dubbed Satanic lawn ornaments Worship (SLOW) and was rumored to have originated in Lower slower delaware prior to the War on drugs. It was nothing but idolatry. Statues of Angersulk and/or herself were manufactured and sold by their firm, Angersulk Industries Inc.. SLOW was deemed legally compulsory and these pagan ornaments were ordered installed on all front lawns throughout the nation. The foreign press farcically noted these statues were highly preferred by the local dogs as urinating targets. This dog whiz activity led to a further strengthening of the Secret Police and the Octegenarian Golf-cart Patrollers whose investigations identified offending canines, trapped them, and held them for ransom. Those not ransomed were gassed and their meat would be sold at market. This infuriated many citizens and tensions arose. Daily chants of Get 0ff my lawn were regularly heard near the presidential palace and other government buildings. Angersulk, realizing the danger created a new position, Prime Consul, to deflect the heat in the summer of 1999. Eustace bagge ii was appointed to the position and diffused the crisis by allowing the offensive ornaments to be removed for curation at the Sector 27 National Museum. Skillfully, Bagge created a PSA cartoon which blamed the entire situation on those "stupid dogs." The TV spot was quite funny and relieved the situation enough to maintain a fluidity of order. Afterwards, dog owners wisely curbed their dogs privately in personal pet port-a-potties, a product of Angersulk Industries. The pet rock was eventually proclaimed as the new national animal.

Free Beer Weekends (FBWs) were curtailed in 2008. The economy could no longer bear it's cost since American tobacco companies pulled their financial support due to weak sales. Free drinks, now sponsored by Dead cat soap, were reduced to Friday Happy Hours between 3 - 6 PM. Dead Cat then replaced the popular beer with cheap brands hard liquor. Unexpectedly and ironically, the populace was glad the mandatory drinking on weekends had finally ended. Many citizens had been forcing themselves to vomit the excessive amounts of alcoholic beverages which they had imbibed in order to save liver functions. Prescott Pharmaceutical reported acetaminophen sales had risen versus both ibuprofen and aspirin. The OTC painkiller data served as proof of public concern over potential liver damage. Things gradually settled down under Prime Consul Bagge despite the hostage situation at the embassy in Blitzkriegestan in 2008 which was never resolved. Nevertheless, Prime Consul maintained domestic order until his eventual death from complications due to liver transplant surgery. Following Bagge's death, Rake Angersulk named himself as the next Prime Consul. Apparently, this was against his wife Almira’s wishes. Presidential Palace insiders had expected Mrs. Angersulk to be named as the new Prime Consul. As a result, she despaired and took up sleeping alone in the Boniface Bedroom. This would become the next inflection point in HF History

Events of 2015

Dictator Rake Angersulk was assassinated on Thursday, February 12, 2015 when a miniature "no-see-um" drone carrying a lethal poison landed on his slice of pineapple upside-down cake and poisoned him upon ingestion. Death occurred in less than fifteen minutes. His wife, Almira, was arrested and charged with capital murder. A new government has been formed. Leadership is believed controlled by the Biotech sector with the unusual approval of Archbishop Matthew Flanagan. The new functional head of state has been revealed to be Dr. Iris Elizabeth Royer, currently on the board of directors at Prescott Pharmaceuticals. She is a PhD in Human Genetics, MS in Political Science and a devout Catholic. She is 67 years of age and a graduate of Sector 27 University. She also holds a Doctorate from Duke University in Middle carolina. In her first acts, she abolished the $teroidal Injection as currency and placed the country on the newly created biotech Chromo$ome cryptocurrency. The nation's motto has been changed from Ki$$ my A$$ to "Genetic Control Leader" and the national animal was changed to Prescott's iconic transgenic lab mouse. It has also been agreed the national flag should be re-designed. Dr. Royer is considering re-instituting certain civil rights. Additionally, it has been ascertained, the enormous fortune of the Angersulks has been confiscated for non-payment of HF federal taxes the past 34 years.

The nation has adopted a constitution very similar to the USA, mostly in aspects of it's Bill of Rights. A bicameral legislative body is to be elected with representatives apportioned from each sector. A remodeled executive branch of government consisting of President and Vice-President who shall be elected on the first Saturday of April 2016 and thereafter every five years on the first Saturday of April. Their terms are five years, with a maximum of two successive terms and three terms in total. Until then, Dr. Iris Royer has been appointed to the post of acting president. The duly elected presidents and vice presidents will take office one month later on the first Saturdays of the following month. These exact dates will be predetermined by the legislature.

New head of state, Dr. Iris E. Royer, has also announced the formation of a governing board. She has been named Chairperson, but admits she'd still prefer to be called Dr. Royer. The board will consist of ten directors, besides the chair. Those individuals shall be announced at a later date. Ironically, the country has also been temporarily reclassified as a Father Knows Best state as per World Assembly decree. Observers at Sector 27 Areodrome report Archbishop Matthew Flanagan has boarded a chartered private jet for the Vatican along with several top aids to Dr. Royer. A spokesman for the new government, Donald Colbert, stated the visit's purposes will be explained upon their return. Fake news reports The pope is catholic and a meeting with His Holiness is rumored.

Almira Angersulk was arraigned on capital murder charges and held at the Sector 27 maximum security prison in solitary confinement and under a suicide watch. Video tape was released of Mrs. Angersulk opening a window in the dining hall of the Presidential Palace last Thursday evening. This allowed a "drone carrier" sparrow which lands on the window ledge an unfettered access to the room. The drone sparrow then raises its left wing and the "mini drone" no-see-ums are released from a portal located in the wing pit of the drone sparrow. Enhancement of the video shows this clearly and undeniably. These "mini drone" no-see-ums are only capable of strikes within 50 feet due to their tiny scale. Magnification shows them immediately forming a single file flight pattern which terminates on the sticky brown sugar surface of now deceased Dictator Rake Angersulk's slice of Pineapple upside down cake. Mrs. Angersulk allegedly had never opened this window before, as reported by palace servants and dining wait staff who were normally tasked with such jobs. Mrs. Angersulk's fate is to be decided by the Sector 27 Tribunal Authority created by her late husband three decades ago. Political observers here did not suspect any conspiracy and openly admit she is the lone suspect.

Almira "Gulch" Angersulk was pardoned of capital murder charges stemming from the assassination of her late husband and Heritick Farmland dictator Rake Angersulk. She was immediately transferred from her cell in the maximum security area of Sector 27 Prison, where she was still under a suicide watch, to the minimum security halfway house in Sector 27 Tower. Halfway House is usually reserved for minor offenders and abused women and children. It had been confirmed this morning that she had converted to Catholicism. A secretly taken video of her confessing her sins and taking The Holy Sacrament (administered by Archbishop Flanagan) was trending on Fakebook. Purportedly, the Archbishop successfully petitioned the Board of Directors, led by chairperson Dr. Royer, for the controversial pardon on the charge of capital murder. Mrs. Angersulk was still facing misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct and operation of a lethal drone in a restricted area.
On the following day, March 19, 2015, widow of former Dictator Rake Angersulk and pardoned assassin of same, Almira "Gulch" Angersulk apparently leaped to her death. The death occurred at the Halfway House site in Sector 27. She evidently was jumped through 1/2" pane glass in her quest to end her life. There is some suspicion that the four foot eleven inch 72 year old victim was assisted by person or persons unknown. No witnesses have come forward to verify the events that occurred at approximately 3:30 AM. Rumors of a cover-up immediately began their circulation on Fake News.

Acting-President Royer appointed a commission to investigate the matter. After a nine-month investigation, the findings were released. It was decided foul play was not involved. The death of Almira Angersulk was determined to have been a simple suicide committed by a severely depressed widow suffering from battered wife syndrome. Nevertheless, the death of Rake Angersulk was indeed found to be by mini-drone poisoning as originally reported on February 12th, 2015. The commission's findings of these events document decades of physical, mental and emotional abuse of Almina at the hands of her husband, Rake Angersulk. Mrs. Angersulk was believed to be temporarily insane on the day of the murder due to her husband's chronic abusive behavior. It is theorized this ill state of mind led her to assassinate her husband. In its final conclusion, the commission found absolutely no evidence of conspiracy to assassinate either Rake or Almira Angersulk. Acting-President Royer has agreed with the findings of the commission and the ruling council has concurred. However, it remains disturbing to criminologists as to Mrs. Angersulk's apparent lack of knowledge in the field of Drone technology, at any level. The investigations into the assassination of Dictator Rake Angersulk and the suicide of his wife are now officially closed. Unofficially, they are not.

Culture Shock 2016 - 2021

To be continued...