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Your World Census Rankings May Look Different

by Max Barry
Sat, 12 Jun 2021

The World Census, the world's leading international bureau of testing and measurement, is pleased to announce the latest series of additions and modifications!

New Scales

  • Patriotism

    All citizens love their nations, of course. If they have democracy, they love that. If they don't, they appreciate the firm leadership. Every nation is great, in the eyes of its citizens. Still, some are more fervent about their love of country than others, and the World Census is now tracking exactly how disturbingly fervent it is.

  • Food Quality

    Ah, cuisine. Is there really a way to quantify such a delicate, personal slice of the human experience? Yes, there is. And the World Census has done it. Nations are now ranked on exactly how delicious their food is, according to indisputible science.

Modified Scales

  • Tourism

    The World Census made a long-awaited adjustment to acknowledge the reality that modern-day tourists want less unspoiled environments and more assurance that they won't be stabbed between the airport and their hotel.

  • Civil Rights

    The World Census no longer considers "freedom to commit crime" as a civil right. This is the result of a long debate, during which it became clear that nobody was quite sure what "freedom to commit crime" meant.