The Fattest Citizens in The Heartland
World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."
 | Nation | WA Category | Motto | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1. |  The Miraculous Miracle of Miraclia | Iron Fist Consumerists | “We bribed the wrong WA officials... Again!” | |
| 2. |  The Grand Old Duchy of Ineptia | Inoffensive Centrist Democracy | “Moderation In All Things” | |
| 3. |  The Democratic Territories of Austrivum | Left-Leaning College State | “Forward.” | |
| 4. |  The People's New Democracy of West Kompa Ru | Corporate Bordello | “Bless our democracy and our's only! (Or else!)” | |
| 5. |  The Democratic United States of Kompa Ru | Corporate Bordello | “Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain.” | |
| 6. |  The Kingdom of Herconia | Left-wing Utopia | “Libertas - Unitas - Faustitas” | |
| 7. |  The Insultingly Invigorated Call of Nastic | Democratic Socialists | “Sempre Nāstic” | |
| 8. |  The United Republic of East Klent | Left-wing Utopia | “Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc” | |
| 9. |  The Dominion of Crystal Palais | Scandinavian Liberal Paradise | “Cogito, ergo sum. [I think, therefore I am.]” |
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