//he unfortunate and untimely death of Saint Stania’s premier sporting mascot just before a major national Calvinball competition, the decision regarding his replacement has been pushed higher and higher up the chain of command until now, having somehow reached your desk.
The Debate “Saint Stania should show that it c-cares for everyone,” stammers once-world class juggler, Chris Svensson, now a nervous paraplegic, “Even the v-very weakest in our so-so-soci-country. Our compassion comes across in our welfare, our healthcare, our v-very w-way of life. That’s why I sh-should be the one to represent it. After all, if I can do it, so can anyone!”
“No,” growls a mysterious figure, audibly recovering from a tracheotomy, bedecked in a cape and cowl, “We need to prize the values that keep us safe, in government and outside it. The ones that keep citizens from a life of crime. Order. Justice. Parents. I will represent that. I am the hero Saint Stania deserves.”
“But not the one it needs!” exclaims the chief executive of BurgerCorp, Isabelle Carpenter, striding into your office dressed as her latest product, “What Saint Stania needs right now is to plug the looming hole in its budget - and that’s something we can do through corporate sponsorship! Just auction off the rights to field a mascot to the highest bidder, and the nation’s pockets - and your own, my dear Leader - will start to feel decidedly less empty.”
“Don’t do it!” screams your personal advisor, Miles Hopkins, somehow the most flamboyantly dressed yet, “Any decision we make now will be a political torpedo: all we’ve been given here is a choice between being seen as convulsive, compulsive or corrupt! What we really need to prize is choice: the choice of the people to elect their own mascot - and your choice to push any really difficult political decisions onto the voting public!”