Paleocacherian Criminal Justice System

The criminal justice system is a complicated and bloated beast. It is composed of the prosecutors, courts, and prison systems.

The basic organizational structure is based around the American and British legal systems: Every district/county in each state and territory has their own District Attorney who is responsible for prosecuting violations of city ordinances and all of the common law crimes. The Federal Prosecution Service is responsible for prosecuting crimes committed in the colonies, federal land, and also interstate crimes, crimes such as treason, terrorism, and espionage. There are district courts for the federal and state systems and also Appeals courts for the state and federal systems. Only the federal government has supreme courts. There are five, four superior courts of appeals that take jurisdiction over a number of states/territories and the Supreme Court of Gardena, which is like the real-life supreme court and handles only serious cases.

The prison system is much more simple. People who have sentences of less than a year and people awaiting trial are confined to county/district/city jails. People serving sentences of less than five years are confined to state prisons which are minimum to medium security and look like your stereotypical British or Norwegian prison, some of them are open, the inmates are treated well, etc.

People sentenced to more than five years or who are repeat and violent offenders are confined to federal prison. The Federal Prison Service has no minimum security facilities. The maximum security units are the worst stereotypes of American and Russian prisons and then some.

Notorious mob bosses, terrorists, international criminals, super powered criminals, and war criminals are housed at Sascaraz Lockdown facility. Sascaraz is the ultimate prison. It is situated on a high plateau and is accessible only by a winding, narrow and only recently paved single-lane road and by helicopter. The inmates spend twenty-three hours a day in soundproof cells with a tiny window and no human contact except for the food shoved through the slot. The walls are six feet of concrete, steel, and lead. The prison is surrounded by a twenty-four foot wall and gun towers that are patrolled constantly. There is an electric fence surrounding that. The guard towers have fifty-caliber machine guns and sniper rifles to disable all aircraft and vehicles attempting to gain access to the prison. Stinger and Rapier SAMs protect the prison from attacking aircraft. There are twice as many guards on duty at any given time then there are prisoners there.

Don't F*** with my country or I'll lock you in there and throw the key down into the canyon below.

The death penalty process is simple. If you get sentenced you get two appeals. One to a state appeals court and then one to the federal appeals court. Both must be completed within six months. A last minute clemency request to the governor and if you lose that, then you die.

If you get sentenced to death by mauling your sentence must be approved by the court, federal district and appeals courts, district supreme court, central supreme court, Parliament, and the President.

Then you are taken to the Gardena Central Justice Arena, the crowd fills the stands, popcorn and concessions are sold, your list of crimes is read to the public, you get one last chance to voice remorse, you get coated in pheromones and bacon grease, and then finally the gates are opened and either a pack of wild dogs, a pair of wolverines, or a single honey badger is released into the arena to rip you to shreds for the public's entertainment. Your death will be televised. If you survive the mauling, you are bound hand and foot, and thrown into the city dump to rot with the other garbage and reflect on your life as you bleed to death.