History of the World: Football Edition (as told by #nssport)

16:12 Spacedrawk makes Tumbra lose in every Quarterfinals ever
16:12 <Tumbra> i don't mind
16:12 <Tumbra> would be realistic
16:13 Spacedrawk sends Spacedrawk fleet to escort Damukuni
16:13 <Tumbra> like you see England lose in almost every other quarter final they reach
16:13 <Damukuni> Supply runs to DSD
16:13 <Tumbra> the exceptions were in 66 and 90
16:13 <Tumbra> and 1996
16:14 <Damukuni> and 10
16:14 <Damukuni> ...
16:14 <Damukuni> Phone busted my joke
16:14 <EastfieldLodge> ...
16:15 <Damukuni> And A.D. 1093, when the Byzantine FA beat the Britons
16:17 <EastfieldLodge> Ouch.
16:17 <Damukuni> At Ye Olde Trafforde Stadyume
16:17 <Tumbra> like i mean england, quarter finals and penalties
16:18 <Tumbra> don't really go well together
16:18 <EastfieldLodge> You forgot 1066, where the Normandy team narrowly beat a tired England side who'd only beaten Norway in the semi-finals two days before.
16:18 <Damukuni> The AFN, they were something else
16:19 Damukuni starts up History of the World: Football Edition again
16:20 <Damukuni> UEFA Euro AD 476: German National Team rises above Roman Empire 1-0 to knock then out of the group stage
16:21 <Tumbra> nobody expected that to happen
16:21 <Damukuni> Actually it was expected
16:21 Spacedrawk BOMBS! DSD
16:21 <Damukuni> WHY?!
16:22 Spacedrawk REPAIRS! DSD
16:22 <Damukuni> o
16:22 Spacedrawk FORCES! DSD to be dependent on Drawkland ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
16:22 <Tumbra> the Germans lured their main striker Publius Quinctilius Varus into so many useless traps
16:22 *** Spacedrawk is now known as drawk
16:22 <Tumbra> he was their captain to
16:22 <Tumbra> *too
16:22 <EastfieldLodge> You forgot the time where Greece absolutely dominated the Middle East Cup for several years.
16:23 <Tumbra> the first winners were the Sumerians though
16:23 <Tumbra> faced no opposition at all
16:23 <EastfieldLodge> The captain Alexander Great was truly inspirational to that side.
16:23 <Damukuni> Nah
16:23 <Tumbra> then they let their youth development programs go to s*** and the Babylonians took over
16:23 *** Sarian joined #nssport
16:23 +++ ChanServ has given voice to Sarian
16:23 <Damukuni> I understand Hammurabi was one of their greatest centre mids
16:24 <EastfieldLodge> What about that time Julius Caesar twice tried and failed to beat Brittania in shock upsets, and then could never beat the Pictish team.
16:24 <EastfieldLodge> *then the Romans
16:27 <Damukuni> Then there was 1776, when U.S. Soccer decided that the England and Wales Football Association was too oppressive
16:28 <EastfieldLodge> Yeah, that split caused quite a ruckus.
16:29 <Damukuni> The FA insisted on eight years of endless football
16:29 <Damukuni> But eventually the aggregate score was too much
16:29 <drawk> They rigged the matches in their favor
16:30 <drawk> Put salary caps on the American clubs while letting their own teams spend freely
16:31 <Tumbra> there was this bother with a bit of tea as well
16:31 <EastfieldLodge> Reminds me when the European Select XI beat the Native American FA due to the hosts getting suspicious bouts of food poisoning and smallpox.
16:31 <Damukuni> 1860: Charleston City FC breaks its NASL ties with D.C. United; ten other teams join
16:31 <Tumbra> i think the British wanted the Americans to pay to bring their thermos flasks full of tea into stadiums
16:31 <Tumbra> they weren't happy about that
16:31 <Damukuni> Tumbra - they wanted these special decals
16:32 <drawk> Don't get me STARTED on those decals
16:33 <Damukuni> So over at Gillette Stadium, the New England Revolution, under captain Samuel Adams, gets an idea
16:34 <Damukuni> "Let's grab a ton of these new thermos flasks and let the tea soak into our artificial turf!"
16:35 <drawk> Speaking of don't get me started, how about that time the Japanese NT played a surprise match against the US NT in Hawaii and beat them 7-1? Pathetic, the US team wasn't even participating that cycle
16:35 <Damukuni> New England Revolution 1, Arsenal 0
16:35 <Damukuni> The owner was not particularly thrilled...
16:36 <Damukuni> But then all the Reichsliga and Serie A teams challenged MLS, and the heat was on
16:36 <drawk> Oh yeah totally
16:36 <Tumbra> i mean the US did get their revenge
16:37 <Tumbra> they scored two gigantic goals
16:37 <Damukuni> But, thankfully, all the MLS matches played were away games
16:37 <drawk> Adolf Hitler was a great striker but he couldn't match up against the Allied FA
16:37 <Tumbra> scored by a little boy and a fat guy
16:37 <drawk> Some say those goals were unwarranted but I think they were awesome Tumbra
16:37 <EastfieldLodge> Drawk: That was just a rematch of the German XI vs Rest of World XI Christmas special.
16:37 <Damukuni> Tumbra - that was the 10-1 game delayed due to nuclear radiation fallout right?
16:38 <Tumbra> i mean then we just had some members of the Allied FA just leaving to form Warsaw P.A.C.T. FC
16:38 <drawk> German XI ought to stop challenging everyone
16:38 <Tumbra> yeah
16:38 <Damukuni> First half against Hiroshima FC, 2nd against Nagasaki United
16:38 <Tumbra> both destroyed
16:38 <drawk> Then there's all those people who say the German NT members fled to the Argentinian league
16:39 <Damukuni> And now the UK will stop sending players to the UEFA Euro Select XI
16:39 <Tumbra> did you see how the Argentinian FA decided to challenge the UK
16:39 <Tumbra> like at first they scored three goals before the break
16:39 <Tumbra> but the UK got their act together and just played Argentina out of the park
16:40 <Damukuni> Stadium of the Falklands can't even begin to contain that conflict
16:40 <EastfieldLodge> That's not happening yet. The UK are still trying to negotiate ticket deals, but the rest of the world isn't even playing ball.
16:40 <Tumbra> their manager was going to be sacked before that conflict
16:40 <EastfieldLodge> That injury to Belgrano was uncalled for though. What a bad tackle, and the ref didn't even see it.
16:41 <Damukuni> Then there was the rise of striker Nigel Farage
16:41 <Tumbra> pompous twit
16:41 <EastfieldLodge> Hard to foster good relations when you call your manager a 'damp rag', isn't it.
16:42 <Damukuni> (Is someone logging is?)
16:42 <Damukuni> (this?)
16:42 <Tumbra> yeah well
16:42 <Tumbra> he caused the manager to be sacked
16:42 <Tumbra> the new manager sold him to GOP FC
16:42 <Tumbra> their lead striker is a horrendous man
16:42 <Damukuni> Don't blame Republic FC for this... Blame Prince Rebus (sic)
16:42 <EastfieldLodge> Yeah, he wants to kick all the Mexican players off the pitch and wall off their dugout - using their wages as well.
16:43 <drawk> Geez, anyone remember that match between USA and Vietnam?
16:43 <drawk> Was a grueling match, everyone watched
16:44 <EastfieldLodge> Brilliant demonstration of -5 style mod there.
16:44 <drawk> 0-0 AET but the US left the stadium before it could go into PKs
16:44 <Damukuni> The problem is, Liga MX isn't doing write-offs for the players who want to play for MLS
16:45 <Damukuni> drawk - I don't think the United States were planning to play PKs
16:45 <Tumbra> the playing was as bad as USSR-Afghanistan
16:45 <EastfieldLodge> I think everyone's hearts were warmed when East and West Germany played themselves out to a series draw, with West Berlin vs East Berlin being a particular highlight.
16:46 <Damukuni> But then a quick match between Ho Chi Minh Viet FC and Saigon Fantastic XI ensued
16:46 <drawk> That's why they bounced Damukuni
16:46 <Damukuni> And Fantastic were blown away 7-1
16:46 <drawk> Embarrassing
16:46 <Tumbra> (someone needs to log this)
16:46 <Damukuni> (Yes)
16:46 <drawk> (I'm on mobile ;-)
16:46 <Damukuni> (Me 2)
16:47 *** Anglatia joined #nssport
16:47 <EastfieldLodge> Logging it.
16:47 <Tumbra> (are we done with the discussion yet though)
16:47 <drawk> Thanks EastfieldLodge
16:47 <Tumbra> oh i guess we're done
16:47 <Tumbra> ye thanks EF;
16:47 <Anglatia> Hey guys, I have somewhat of a strange request for my BOF team
16:47 <Damukuni> One of the more unknown football conflicts in history was between Politburo ZH and Nationals
16:47 <drawk> Well idk
16:48 <drawk> Who?
16:48 <Damukuni> Um, I wasn't done
16:48 <Anglatia> I'm wondering how many of you are fine with me having players for the RNS team born in your country
16:48 <Damukuni> (The Chinese Communists and the Nationalists)
16:48 <Anglatia> Since ICly there's supposed to be a diaspora because of war
16:48 <Tumbra> eh whatever
16:48 <drawk> (Ah)
16:48 <Tumbra> have like two or three of them
16:48 <Damukuni> There's a reason Nationals are called Chinese Taipei Nationals now
16:49 <Anglatia> The team is like Kosovo, where the best players were raised in safer areas
16:49 <Damukuni> Politburo ZH is still #1 in Chinese Super League
16:50 <EastfieldLodge> I still remember the massacre at Tianmanen Square. The Students XI were simply annihilated there.
16:50 <Damukuni> It was a nice mascot they had
16:51 <EastfieldLodge> True.
16:51 <Damukuni> Politburo ZH was just too +5
16:52 <EastfieldLodge> There's still some controversy surrounding the Crimean FA's sudden rise and defeat of Ukraine, with some suspecting they're being funded by and filled with the Russian team, who of course deny everything.
16:54 <Damukuni> What happened there, actually, was that the Crimean FA wasn't getting enough revenue from Liga Ukraina
16:54 <drawk> Richard "the Lionheart" is definitely one of the greatest strikers, he really knew how to deal with Saladin's defense
16:54 <Damukuni> So they appealed to the Russian Premier League and they took 'em in
16:54 <EastfieldLodge> Yeah, the Crusaders Championship saw some great matches there.
16:54 *** Anglatia quit (Ping timeout: 195 seconds)
16:55 <Damukuni> He never actually defeated the Al-Quds FC though
16:56 <Damukuni> But that's OK, Al-Quds FC was smashed in 1948 by Ben Gurion XI
16:56 <drawk> Those Crusades Series were definitely the highlight of that era
16:56 <EastfieldLodge> It's spawned a great spinoff game as well - the Assassins FC series is really good.
16:56 <drawk> Stronghold FC series is another good one
16:56 <Damukuni> That wasn't a series so much as it was a tour, EastfieldLodge
16:56 <EastfieldLodge> (Stronghold?)
16:57 <Damukuni> (Assassins)
16:57 <EastfieldLodge> (As in, what is Stronghold?)
16:57 <EastfieldLodge> I admit, Assassins did go to some bizarre places and times towards the later parts.
16:58 <EastfieldLodge> But I think it covered the New England Revolution match quite well.
16:59 <Damukuni> But anyway, back to 1860, when U.S. Soccer split into 2 factions
17:00 <Damukuni> The CFC had no chance to begin with, unless they were going to smother the USMNT with cotton
17:00 <EastfieldLodge> Didn't help that a lot of their players were imported from the African FAs against their will.
17:00 <Damukuni> Right. Sad story that was...
17:01 <Damukuni> $0 contracts
17:01 <EastfieldLodge> Yeah, compulsory amateur football is not pleasant.
17:02 <Damukuni> At least the USMNT soundly made their case known in Atlanta
17:02 <Damukuni> William T. Sherman - Offencive Player of the Year 1864
17:02 <EastfieldLodge> Yep.
17:04 <Damukuni> But the surprising part came from the tiny stadium at Appomattox, where the final fixture played out
17:04 <Damukuni> And CFC got too many red cards
17:05 <Damukuni> Whew, done for now
17:06 <Damukuni> Now send to qdb.us please
17:07 <Tumbra> just put it in a factbook
17:07 <EastfieldLodge> That reminds me, the English FA Cup in the 1640s. Plenty of great matches between Roundheads United and Cavaliers FC.
17:07 <Tumbra> and tag all of us
17:07 <Tumbra> Roundheads managed to injure the manager of the Cavaliers so hard though
17:08 <EastfieldLodge> Stemmed from the manager really devaluing his opponents, they weren't happy at how they being treated in the old FA.
17:08 <drawk> Stronghold is a medieval RTS game series for PC
17:08 <EastfieldLodge> Ah.
17:09 <drawk> Stronghold Crusader is my personal favorite
17:12 <EastfieldLodge> Does anyone remember when England's FA branched off the Vatican FA, all because the English representative, a guy named Henry VIII, wanted to change his competition?
17:12 <Damukuni> Hehe
17:13 <EastfieldLodge> Ended up having 6 different competitions across his life. Managed to brutally destroy two of them in process.
17:14 <Damukuni> One of them ended in the match ball's FIFA Approved mark getting sliced off
17:15 <EastfieldLodge> (?)
17:15 <Damukuni> The one with Anne Boleyn's signature on it
17:15 <EastfieldLodge> Ah, yes.
17:16 <EastfieldLodge> I feel sorry for the Jane Seymour Trophy though. Had so much promise, but only lasted one cycle.
17:16 <EastfieldLodge> Couldn't fund itself much longer.
17:17 <Damukuni> There was the nine-day series sponsored by Jane Grey Ventures plc, but Tudor Chartered put the company out of business after nine days
17:18 <EastfieldLodge> Yeah, that was an interesting feud for a few years. England managers Edward and Elizabeth really hated Mary it seems.
17:19 <Damukuni> A lot of English footballers died under the Tudor Chartered sponsorship of the PL
17:19 <EastfieldLodge> Very true, and that was on both sides of the divide.
17:20 <Damukuni> And that was because Tudor Chartered wanted to re-merge with the Vatican Fa
17:20 <Damukuni> *FA
17:20 <EastfieldLodge> Initially yeah.
17:20 <EastfieldLodge> Then it changed tack.
17:20 <EastfieldLodge> Spain weren't happy for some reason.
17:20 <EastfieldLodge> But they were seen off quite easily in a few matches.
17:21 <Damukuni> Atlético Armada 0-1 Royal Navy
17:21 <EastfieldLodge> Yep.
17:21 <Tumbra> but did you see in 1922 some Oirishmen decided to break away from the British
17:21 <Damukuni> Sir Francis Drake, what a great GM
17:22 <EastfieldLodge> CM, you mean?
17:22 <Damukuni> General manager
17:22 <EastfieldLodge> Nah, Elizabeth was the manager.
17:22 <Tumbra> Americans
17:22 <EastfieldLodge> Drake was the captain.
17:22 <Damukuni> He sat on the bench, ordered in a team of U-21s
17:22 <Damukuni> Oh yeah
17:23 <Damukuni> Tumbra - Republaig FC? Wow
17:23 <Tumbra> yeah their captain was some fellow named De Valera
17:23 <EastfieldLodge> It was pretty poor defence on Britain's part against the Irish.
17:23 <Damukuni> I don't get the Spanish sounding name for these Irishmen
17:27 <Damukuni> I wonder if not only the Irish FA had ties not only to the Vatican FA but also to Fútbol España
17:29 <Damukuni> Last one for me: Groznyy United takes on all of the Russian Premier League at once, not long after the formation of Liga CIS
17:34 <Damukuni> OK, switching to computer
17:34 <drawk> Ye
17:34 *** Damukuni quit (Quit: AndroIRC - Android IRC Client ( http://www.androirc.com ))