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DispatchBulletinPolicy

by The Holy Yellow CAM of Nadir Dystopia. . 299 reads.

LIST OF ISSUES TAKEN

ISSUES:
Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín claims to be the epitome of family values.
everyone apparently sends Treasurer Marrano Rajao hair-filled lockets, offers to die heroically, and poetic desires to co-parent a child.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao claims to know what infants are thinking.
a light facial coating of soot is seen as the mark of an honest and hardworking man.
the media have began calling the government treasury "Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín's stash".
when it comes to smarts Treasurer Marrano Rajao isn't the brightest gem in the collection.
the media have begun calling the government treasury "Treasurer Marrano Rajao's stash".
Treasurer Marrano Rajao's family members carry literal get-out-of-jail-free cards.
the government baselessly accuses foreign dignitaries of being assassins.
Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín is refusing to make decisions until the Moon is out of Capricorn.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao is refusing to make decisions until the Moon is out of Capricorn.
Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín's former secretary was last sighted on her new yacht.
the standard government reply to any query is "there is no spoon".
aides are afraid to ask if Treasurer Marrano Rajao wants a cup of tea or coffee.
it's best to decline if Treasurer Marrano Rajao offers to buy a round of drinks.
the nation's poor can be seen scavenging trash bins for used coffee grounds.
the secret ingredient is love (and MSG).
nations across the world are quick to praise Treasurer Marrano Rajao's good looks and intellectual prowess.
black tea is only available on the black market.
illegal book-trafficking rings dominate the black market.
it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven.
citizens pray for sunshine so that they can use illicit sundials for timekeeping.
heartwarming sentiments are even hotter now.

Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín is described as an everyday person with normal tastes and the usual interests.
Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín can often be seen hanging around playgrounds chatting with the kids.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao can often be seen hanging around playgrounds chatting with the kids.
Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín has a wardrobe full of fake designer suits.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao has a wardrobe full of fake designer suits.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao is described as an everyday person with normal tastes and the usual interests.
being nicknamed "Orange Face" has done Treasurer Marrano Rajao's credibility no favours.

it's widely agreed that to tennis players love means nothing.

the giant 80-storey carving of Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín in Mount Rushless can be seen from space.
the giant 80-storey carving of Treasurer Marrano Rajao in Mount Rushless can be seen from space.
tourists flock to see the giant stone carvings of Nadir Dystopia's historical leaders at Mount Rushless.
small towns have started burning historical buildings in hopes of attracting tourists.
cute fluffy little Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangaríns are increasingly popular exotic pets.
former state leaders include a TV comic and a cowboy actor.

a wide-ranging purge of leading officials and family members is being carried out by Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín.
Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín has been declared supreme ruler for all eternity.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao has been declared supreme ruler for all eternity.
the government is spending millions on lawyers' fees trying to get Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín off a murder charge.
industry tycoons rarely hide their misdeeds due to the government's habit of bailing them out.
the government loves seeing the little people fight.
government statistics suggest 115% of the population love Treasurer Marrano Rajao.
strange men lingering in offices distributing television sets is a basis for a system of government.
the legal system for the political class is completely separate from the one for normal citizens.
the term "Native Nadir Dystopian" has been redefined as anyone with the same skin color as the majority.
recent events in Dàguó have been classified 'for Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín's eyes only'.
recent events in Dàguó have been classified 'for Treasurer Marrano Rajao's eyes only'.
it is often said that only Treasurer Marrano Rajao could bring down Dàguó.
many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive".

Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín is described as an everyday person with normal tastes and the usual interests.
policy reversals are more often graceful demi-détournés than u-turns.

Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín's exquisite office door is replaced monthly due to angry petitioners.
petitioners are increasingly resorting to climbing through Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín's window to draw attention to their issues.
Nadir Dystopians must literally pay their respects to hear from their political representatives.

Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín often plays real life games of Tower Defense against hordes of angry villagers.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao's recent "I have a dream that we will fight them by raking muck on the beaches" speech seems a little derivative to many.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao often plays real life games of Tower Defense against hordes of angry villagers.
television executives are interested in turning Treasurer Marrano Rajao's zany home life into a sitcom.

oracles predict landslide victories for Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín for the next 50 years.
oracles predict landslide victories for Treasurer Marrano Rajao for the next 50 years.

The leaders of Nadir Dystopia are given the nod by their predecessors.
anyone who so much as looks at Royalty without the proper amount of deference is jailed.
arthritic citizens seem underrepresented at royal meet-and-greets.
citizens compete to guess the time between the royal lady's contractions.
trade deals are born to the sound of a royal woman's anguished screams.
it is said that a Nadir Dystopian woman's work is never done.

foreign leaders with unpaid parking tickets are often refused entry.
foreign militaries are taking a particular interest in the nation's abandoned borders and cities.
foreign leaders who don't applaud Treasurer Marrano Rajao's speeches are regarded as enemies of Nadir Dystopia.
foreign envoys that want to visit Nadir Dystopia now have to navigate real minefields in additional to the political ones.
foreign lack of enthusiasm for Nadir Dystopian nose-flute disco metal is seen as a reasonable casus belli.
foreign musicians that Treasurer Marrano Rajao dislikes are turned away at the border.
Bigtopian relations have become a minefield.
the government advises foreign diplomats to speak softly and carry a big bag of cash.
a small country is wondering where their capitol building's gold dome went.
foreign countries consider stepping on their grass to be a serious offense.
the nation is known as the cheapskates of Lazarus.

an entourage of camarillas follow the royals around day and night.
royals are always ready with their diamond-encrusted toilet plungers in case a royal flush doesn't work.
heirs who take too long in the bathroom are declared missing and presumed dead.
meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials.

citizens simply have to point a weapon at a government official to get what they want.
government polices change at the drop of a rabbit.
perverts across the land rejoice after 'sexual harassment' was recently renamed 'persuasive courting'.
cheering flag-waving citizens don't like to think too hard about politics.

the most commonly-worn shoes are concrete ones.

the government is a law unto itself.
the government terminates employment with extreme prejudice.
the government has certified several glow-in-the-dark athletes as drug free.
justice is available only to those who can afford its price tag.
businesses have become paranoid as waves of lawsuits sweep the nation.
medical lawsuits are out of control.
the government has awarded itself a month-long holiday to celebrate its achievements.
Fireworks and other big bangs are forbidden during the newest public holiday.
the government has cut its subsidies for all special interest groups.
firebombing politicians' offices has become a common way of expressing dissatisfaction.
The government is spending billions of taxpayer Deudas to suppauditors are gutting every governmental department. ort "struggling" industries.
protestors are soaking piles of Gold Deudas in blood to make a point about government incomes.
protestors are soaking piles of Deudas in blood to make a point about government incomes.
auditors are gutting every governmental department.
in government offices a hidden killer takes the lives of ministers and civil servants.
the government's economic policy is "sort it yourself".
smiling in public is seen as criminally suspicious behaviour.
maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter.
a full moon at night lets economists sleep tight.

government ministers claim to ride dragons to work.

the once prosperous capital is in utter decline.

the country has essentially become 7089 million nations within a nation.
the country has essentially become 10614 million nations within a nation.
the country has essentially become 12.499 billion nations within a nation.
a commonwealth of equal nations recognises that Nadir Dystopia is a bit more equal than the others.

government policy is dictated by Catholicism.
the government is seen to favor Catholics.
the government is seen to favor traditionalist religions.
the clergy of Catholicism remains a single-sex institution.
the clergy of Dominionist Wahabism remains a single-sex institution.
the military's primary weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and a fanatical devotion to Catholicism.
the military's primary weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and a fanatical devotion to Dominionist Wahabism.
the Genova 13 XV Regiment (aka "The Goat Starers") have yet to win a battle.
the government is telling wizards to put their heart into their work.
new religious sects are squashed immediately by the government.
religious epiphanies are often cited as a reason for high school drop-outs.
an inkwell of goats' blood is supplied on school desks across the nation.
children are encouraged to fail at school so as not to appear too enlightened.
many Nadir Dystopians twitch nervously at the sight of nuns.
membership in Dominionist Wahabism is mandatory and all other faith organisations are banned.
the government maintains that belief brings greater security than money or a roof.
becoming a missionary is a sure-fire route to martyrdom.
young people crowd pizza parlors praying to 'The Supreme Pizza, His Immaculate Munchiness'.
people think garlic bread counts as one of their "five a day".
street preachers sell salvation with a side order of shame on every corner.
caroling is considered a public disturbance.
the "feminist protest" defence is increasingly common for cases of armed robbery.
tie-dye has been outlawed for being 'too occult'.
police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down.
policemen regularly conduct midnight raids on closed donut shops to 'collect evidence'.
armed police units patrol the roads late at night.
Cops enjoy driving jaywalkers into the ground.
beat cops aren't named for the territory they patrol.
the "right of sanctuary" stops police pursuit into temples and churches.
burglary is widely regarded as the national sport.
nervous homeowners have been blamed for rising death rates amongst carol singers and locksmiths.
the police have been reduced to using duct tape instead of handcuffs following further cutbacks.
farmers' market days almost always end in a shooting.
the government now pays the "Really Awesome Super Heroes" (RASH) to catch evildoers.

failure to pay the thrice-daily homage to the divine Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín is punishable by death.
Tesco was recently named as the new national treasurer.
the question of 'what is Treasurer Marrano Rajao's favorite color?' has been given a priority rating of burnt-orange.

according to the latest national census as many as two-thirds of the respondents possibly consider 'violet' their favorite color.
the country's population is reported with a margin of error of several billions.
the suicide rate mysteriously skyrockets during census years.
countless government officials are accused of espionage.
the government seizes all major gold finds.
the government funds private schools for intellectually gifted children.
ethnic minorities are often refused admission to some of the nation's best schools.
school children are forced to sing the national anthem every morning.
school uniforms are compulsory.
all children's clothes come in only cream and off-white to prevent offense.
there have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'.
schoolkids are often mistaken for fast food workers.
schoolchildren are arrested for possessing sidewalk chalk without a permit.
children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes.
the national anthem is considered broadly offensive to those who don't believe in Catholicism.
the national anthem is considered broadly offensive to those who don't believe in Dominionist Wahabism.
believers who wear their faith on their sleeves make easy targets in hostile areas.
children in school playgrounds can be heard chanting the hymns of the Order of Violet.
children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines.
no one knows how to tie a reef knot.
the government seizes all major gold finds.
all news sources are under strict government control.
the nation's laws on image rights are amongst the strictest in the world.
tax evaders are regularly visited by agents of the Nadir Dystopia Blood Tithe.
the government has cut taxes in the face of widespread tax evasion.
politicians' financial records are locked up tighter than the nation's Deuda reserves.
politicians' financial records are locked up tighter than the nation's Gold Deuda reserves.
politicians look weirdly alike.
sweet-toothed Nadir Dystopians have been left penniless by the VAT on candy.
grandparents tell young ones tales of the good old days when people had cake on their birthday.
citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao has been seen stealthily slicing fifths off bread loaves.

the government's suicide hotline now redirects callers to local tax lawyers.
attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging.
suicide victims often leave behind cash to cover the cost of their fines.

corporations claim the third ounce of any metal traded in a wicker-cone on the Sunday of a full moon as a charitable expense.
major corporations receive tax breaks for no apparent reason.
casino tax breaks are even bigger than their jackpots.
thousands of former welfare recipients are in a revolutionary uproar as the rest of society is enjoying a hefty tax break.
one year's corporation tax from three international megacorporations has funded one dozen shiny black pencils for Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín's office.
one year's corporation tax from three international megacorporations has funded one dozen shiny black pencils for Treasurer Marrano Rajao's office.

personal injury lawyers are demanding compensation from the government after recent reductions in manufacturer liability.

newspapers cannot report anything about politicians without their explicit consent.
one-word headlines are the norm in Nadir Dystopian newspapers.
reporters often lose their jobs over fact-checking errors.
newspapers print only headlines.
it is illegal to carry an umbrella when the official weather forecast predicts a sunny day.

a proud mining community is considering a rebellion after the Capital officially renamed them 'District XII'.

builders spend more time negotiating "tasteful architecture" than on actual construction.
residents of ageing concrete tower blocks have vital renovation work stopped by Brutalism enthusiasts.
the nation is well known for its rather dull and family-friendly architecture.
there is a dearth of space for new houses.
the country is littered with broken homes.
directors of low-budget sci-fi films are flocking to use Valensia as a backdrop.
the government is known to care more about its buildings than its people.
the nation's government buildings are remarkable for being ugly concrete boxes.
the poor are quarantined in the inner cities to prevent criminals from entering the suburbs.

the government's only official statement on the burning down of Valensia was that 'they shouldn't have been so careless'.
the government's only official statement on the burning down of Genova 13 was that 'they shouldn't have been so careless'.
Genova 13 has become the number one destination for urban exploration in Lazarus.
the new classical revitalization of Genova 13 is expected to be completed sometime in the next century.
reports of arson have doubled since the introduction of a privatised fire protection service.

one can walk from one side of Genova 13 to the other without setting foot on Nadir Dystopian soil.

legions of police officers force people to move into massive urban apartments.
city-dwellers are forcibly moved to farming communes in the countryside.
the backs of 'No Trespassing' signs were made for you and me.
the derisively named "Morlocks of Moria" futilely demand time in the sun.
urbanites battle to the death for penthouse apartments.
homeowners on prime real estate have been seen dodging giant bulldozers with cartoon characters painted on them.
eminent domain has been abolished.
Tom and Jerry cartoons have cat and mouse resolving their problems with reasoned discussion.
Nadir Dystopians caught jaywalking often have their houses seized by the police.
the police go to great efforts to seize contraband favored by politicians on the police oversight committee.
factories are regularly demolished to make way for low-cost housing areas.
surrealist houses shaped like mushrooms and volcanoes dominate the wealthiest neighborhoods.
the richest citizens live in sheltered private citadels.
the well-off amuse themselves by organizing upstairs-downstairs stories within their second homes.

society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy.
titles of nobility are packaged with Nadir Dystopian citizenship in invite-only auctions.

Valensia has become the number one destination for urban exploration in Lazarus.

cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death.
couch potatoes are considered to be model citizens.
agricultural employees work for peanuts.
the government takes agricultural advice from a wasp-themed superhero.
a large percentage of the poor live from cradle to grave in subterranean wage slavery.
understaffed slavers offer highballs when asked to 'pass the screwdriver' during household maintenance.
many of the poor live from cradle to grave without ever seeing sunlight.
convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes.
the workforce is almost entirely made up of slave labour.
the unemployed are quite literally sold to the highest bidder.
slavers view "what did your last slave die of" as a request for a demonstration.
a citizen who thinks a slave is a deadbeat is entitled to make the descriptor literally true.
wait staff claim to like it when odorous customers flirt with them.
labour strikes are routinely squashed by police.
protests are prohibited from blocking traffic.
grannies get pulled over for knitting pullovers while driving.
employees are told they can avoid traffic jams by starting work at 4 AM.
fire stations and hospitals can't deploy emergency vehicles because badly parked cars block them in.
the police double as repo men.
the local custom of Biking With The Cars sends tourists home bemused or in body-bags.
package deals offer tourists the chance to visit the frozen remains of the previous tour group.
rural citizens live in terror of their local village constable.
hundreds of thousands of convicts work as slaves in Nadir Dystopia's many privately-owned prisons.
the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons.
the new prison system is crowding up at an alarming rate.
gigantic new prisons are springing up all over the nation.
prison libraries are being replaced with interrogation chambers.
actors are arrested and interrogated if they play terrorists on TV.
terrorist videos start by thanking their sponsors.
penal labor is a de facto death sentence.
production of license plates has dropped as prisoners' hands are far too greasy to operate machinery.
prisoners fit in their parole hearings around their spa treatments.
prisoners pray grey skies are gonna clear up.
criminals are executed and their property seized.
public enemies often walk home with spotless garments and crime records.
dangerous criminals are often 'accidentally' sent on one-way trips to Maxtopia.
criminals are thrown to the Monster Peperoes to repay their debt to society.
many believe that the only good Monster Pepero is a dead Monster Pepero.
the tomato-covered corpses that decorate the capital are a favourite amongst morbid tourists.
it is illegal to liberate slaves.
the booming slave trade is now government-funded.
a firework a day does not in fact keep the doctor away.
criminals are often a few steps ahead of law enforcement.

there are no minimum wage laws.

employers may fire workers without giving any reason.
the adult unemployment rate nears 100% as all available jobs have been filled by young children.
the government has completely eliminated all childcare programs.
adult unemployment is rising as available jobs are filled by young children.
Pinkerton agents are called in to forcibly break up white collar strikes.
workers can choose whether they prefer offices that smell of pungent body odor or whale vomit.

citizens often ask "what has information technology ever done for us?".

people take government jobs for the frequent flier miles.
the country is effectively ruled by large corporations and business consultants.
corporations are either above the law or corrupting it.
the right school tie opens more doors than the right qualification.
the government's fruit business reeks of rotting produce and corruption.
political satirists and late night comedians weep as the government begins cleaning up its act.
one-stop superstores divide and conquer family businesses.
the government spends its days financing the delocalisation of its own economy.
government spending has hit an all-time low.
prices fluctuate manically for no fathomable reason.
economists confusingly list "fusarium rot and leaf blight" as major risk factors for monetary deflation.
dictionary sales have hit an all-time high.
customers who are not the epitome of politeness always find themselves at the back of the queue.

all tariffs have been abolished.
international trade is a sticky issue.
the government insists that bizarre Lilliputian language game shows were made domestically.
both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade.
the "Rump Diet" is all the rage.
discarded pennies litter the streets.
inheritance tax has recently been abolished.
speaking out against the government is punishable by flogging.
jaywalking is punishable by public flogging.
thieves are flogged in public for their crimes.
people caught mistreating Nadir Dystopia's flag generally wind up in a great deal of pain.

all alcohol is banned.
the police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers.
many whiskies taste suspiciously like automobile radiators.
former bars are desperately trying to re-brand themselves as cafés.
bars are packed at all hours.
classes are regularly interrupted by drunken children.
foreign spirits are hard to find due to an abundance of "Cletus and Jim Bob's Homemade Nadir Dystopian Moonshine".
Nadir Dystopia's fine wines are renowned throughout the region.
all major public areas are watched by police surveillance cameras.
surveillance cameras are banned.
truncheon-mounted cameras record the beating of criminals in dynamic HD detail.
police drones follow every suspected Peeping Tom.
the state auctions off combat drones to fund war reparations.
children are often punished for the sins of the fathers.
a shout of "stop in the name of the law!" is more of a request than an order.
every citizen must submit to DNA testing to be eliminated from police inquiries.
police spend their Saturday nights breaking up illegal street races.
cassocked priests and choirboys believe that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.
crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track.
annual Formula One races bring the capital to a screeching halt.
movie references are legally admissible in court.
the police use sound cannons and mortars to deal with loud parties.
it's not just poseurs who wear oversized sound-cancelling headphones as they walk the city streets.
phone taps are frequently carried out by the police.
from the highest mountain to the deepest cave - one can always count on finding a good cell signal in Nadir Dystopia.
Valensia is a police state during international summits.
Genova 13 is a police state during international summits.
diplomats in Nadir Dystopia are furious at constant police surveillance.
Nadir Dystopia's soft-touch approach to diplomacy has made it known as the 'push-over' of the region.
officer recruitment and police brutality have reached an all-time high.
the nation is under martial law.
police officers have nearly cracked a major underage astronomy syndicate.
the nation's police officers are famously miserable-looking.
the best doughnut stores have been taken over by foreign police officers.
embarrassed police officers wear spandex and carry net guns.

the military patrols the streets in search of possible secessionists.
cities in Nadir Dystopia declare independence based on interpretation of the historic meaning of cave paintings.
posing for pictures is an integral part of military training.
the government refuses to transmit electricity to secessionist regions.
the country has essentially become 9247 million nations within a nation.

town nameplates frequently raise giggles from passing tourists.
colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great Nadir Dystopian Liberator".
colonial subjects have Nadir Dystopian culture shoved down their throats.
holiday gift-giving is often peppered with songs of praise to morally-questionable televangelists.
televangelists flaunt their expensive cars when they attend charity events.
citizens can't decide whether to be proud or horrified by the country's colonial history.
drug-related crimes carry the death penalty.
death row is annually emptied to feed the nation's hunger for televised murder-games.
a typical peasant's life cycle leads from birth to the gallows.
many politicians are in rehab for minor drug offenses.
the tomato-covered corpses that decorate the nation's cities are a favourite amongst morbid tourists.
drunk drivers are sentenced to death.
taxi drivers seem less xenophobic these days.
hit TV show 'The eXecution Factor' is a critical success.
the practice of capital punishment proves divisive.
decreased demand for toilets is saving the prison service a lot of money.
panicking criminals no longer flush contraband down the toilet.
the most popular stadium acts are one-off performances.
many politicians are serving jail time for minor drug offenses.
Nadir Dystopians believe a soft answer turneth away wrath but punitive punishment is much more fun.
an eye for an eye leaves Nadir Dystopia blind.
withdrawal of support for drug addicts is leaving many with cold sweats.
Nadir Dystopian junkies argue that poppy stalks are ornamental flowers.
drug distribution is tightly controlled by the government.
rubbing salt into wounds is seen as a good thing if it is 100% organic garlic-and-thyme salt.
Diabetics find the contents of their medications hard to stomach.
all recreational drugs are legal.
decongestants have replaced Gold Deudas in street transactions.
Maxtopian Grass flags adorn every college dorm room.
the government has begun a crusade against drugs.
'Mountain Doobie' is widely regarded as the nation's favourite drink.
Eckie-Ecola has declared that their soda poop is The Real Thing.
reports of attacks by bright purple sixty-foot high spiders have recently shot up.
absentminded citizens frequently converse with hallucinations.
political loyalty is enforced by way of chemical addiction.
politicians are often seen drinking soft drinks at the end of every public address.
wigged-out hunters report playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts.
denied drugs and entertainment the nation's youth are taking to petty crime to alleviate its boredom.
the nation faces constant invasions by foreign boy bands.
parents are held criminally responsible for their children's crimes.
citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities.
it's considered a civil right to be allowed to neglect and mistreat your own children.
squeaky high prepubescent voices recite the patriotic poem "Hail to The Leader!" before each meal.
pro-democracy protesters are shot on sight by state police.
citizens are regularly shot for parking on the double-yellow line.
Merry Birthday is a popular protest song despite the risk of fines and royalty dues.
political activists are routinely executed.
firing squads regularly execute dissidents.
video clips of women firing guns are increasingly popular.
the government is suspected of mass disappearing dissidents both at home and abroad.
people regularly disappear off the streets and all evidence of them is destroyed.
anti-environmentalist dissidents must beware of government plants in their midst.
kids only know what plants are because they've seen them on the television.
a violent scene on television results in mass mobilization of the National Guard.
only toddlers and the elderly watch television before 23:00.
Nadir Dystopian TV is considered cruel and unusual punishment in other countries.
barges of dissidents are being "reeducated through water therapy" in the South Pepero Sea.
barges of dissidents are being "reeducated through water therapy" in the South Monster Pepero Sea.
the nation leads Lazarus for unlikely accidents and truffle consumption.
suppression of pro-democracy protests is a daily occurrence.
the commercialisation of highly deadly weapons has instilled Nadir Dystopia with a very polite populace.
Red Cross demand for body bags is rising while sutures go unused.
the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag.
international war-crimes are good for business and business is booming.
the nation is devoted to world peas.
wood-framed catapults are ready to launch diseased corpses into besieged cities.

ritual mummification is making a comeback.

the tenet of free speech is held dear.
the right to free speech is being drastically curtailed.
pausing for applause during a speech is seen as a form of censorship.
the recital of citations that follows any political speech can be longer than the speech itself.
a fashion designer has been arrested for inciting hatred after claiming redheads couldn't pull off vermillion.
nose plugs are the latest Nadir Dystopian fashion accessory.
frequent broken zippers have resulted in safety pins making a fashion comeback.
nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines.
police are arresting costumed characters at comic book conventions.
basket-weaving is the nation's latest fad.

crime suspects are forced to submit to blood testing.
torture is commonly used to extract information from suspected criminals.
extraordinary rendition is nothing out of the ordinary.
criminals are thrown to the Peperoes to repay their debt to society.
jaywalkers are condemned to lives of poverty for their heinous crimes.
it is broadly agreed that tramp stamps are criminally undesirable.

clowns are being rounded up and admitted to mental institutions.
people hearing voices that tell them to commit crimes are automatically assumed to be holy.
only clowns with PhDs from clown college can advise Treasurer Marrano Rajao on Nadir Dystopia's coulrophobia epidemic.
students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak.
rag-wearing teachers are often mistaken for homeless people.
wealthy students ride to school past mendicant dropouts.
students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas.
students in Nadir Dystopia's schools rarely attend their classes.
the nation's student exchange programs are something of a one way street.
just as students finish their homework it's time for school.
parents are relieved they no longer need to help with their kids' algebra homework.
blind students are at a disadvantage now that test papers printed in braille have been discontinued.
male med students learning female anatomy do so with their eyes tightly closed.
foreign students are expected to have a Kegmeister Grade Average of 36-24-36 to qualify for university.
funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience.
Bambi has been banned.
homeless people can be found sleeping on streets in front of unoccupied second homes.
citizens who become homeless are immediately executed.
insurance companies charge extortionate premiums to cover homes near waterways.
all citizens are solely referenced by their allocated identity number.
citizens are barcoded to keep track of their movements.

motorists' locations are constantly tracked by intelligence and law enforcement agencies.
looting and pillaging are now considered vital intelligence-gathering activities.
hairdressers are forced to use all the tricks of the trade after citizens became required to wear helmets at all times.
indigenous tribal elders can be recognised by their designer watches and expensive suits.
tribal villagers hide behind the sofa when missionaries knock at their doors.
missionaries learn the hard way that their piercing spiritual insights are no match for arrows.

it is illegal to make racist remarks in public.
the government has embraced apartheid.
the police insist that racism does not exist.

citizens are regularly arrested in queues for 'loitering'.
urban high-volume mailers now receive their mail via chauffeur-driven limousines.

rumours have it that a secret police is responsible for the recent spate of missing persons.

the streets are ravaged by murder and violence to prove political points.
the government is cracking down on subversive groups.
government police forces protect public schools from the threat of protest.
the national Police Academies have dedicated infant wings.
murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour.
it's considered a valid legal defence to say "a demon made me do it".
weird or unusual crimes merit cruel and unusual punishments.
the police force is rumoured to be made up of evil shadows with no souls.

unruly families are deliberately marooned on desert islands.
the nation's countrysides are littered with landmines due to ongoing family disputes.
the tools of the trade for landmine clearance appear to be copious amounts of gasoline and a box of matches.

new urban roads are threatening city parks.
all streets are privately owned toll roads.
the roads are notorious throughout the region for their peril.
homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways.
thousands of Nadir Dystopia's citizens have been evicted from their homes so as 'not to cause a fuss' on the international scene.
thousands of citizens have been evicted from their homes so as 'not to cause a fuss' on the international scene.
bicyclists are banned from major roads.
it is common to still see adults with training wheels on their bikes.
cars are allowed to drive in bike lanes.
the roads are virtually falling apart.
traveller camps regularly block five-lane superhighways.
the average commuter spends four hours a day driving to and from work.
most people learn to drive on crash courses.

Nadir Dystopia-made cars tend to catch fire in people's driveways.
Nadir Dystopian-made cars tend to catch fire in people's driveways.
citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns.
for just a few extra Gold Deudas Nadir Dystopians can get new driving records with their new cars.

mothers drive their college-graduate children to work.
personal injury lawyers are demanding compensation from the government after recent reductions in manufacturer liability.
new safety regulations require all cars manufactured in Nadir Dystopia to be bombproof.
it's a common sight to see angry commuters with grenade launchers mounted on their vehicles.
homes have been banned from having any more than one wheel.
tardiness has increased after carpooling was classified as a criminal offense.

the government has the power to seize property at will.

the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry.
an increasing number of citizens believe the world is flat.
reddish-brown is the new black.
citizens complain about a burning sensation after bathing.
no-one can foil the ambitions of Big Aluminium.
East Lebatuck tests its moon rovers in the barren wasteland of rural Nadir Dystopia.
waste is frequently shipped to other countries.
Monster Peperoes with strange deformities like three eyes and tentacles have been seen prancing through the countryside where industrial waste is dumped.
unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne.
giant no-kill traps baited with Bapst Red Ribbon and vintage bicycles have been popping up in back alleys nationwide.
major polluting industries have painted a lot of their machines green to give an impression of caring about the environment.
mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation.
prime picnicking sites are being paved over in the name of progress.
large areas of Nadir Dystopia are not accessible by the public.
the government is spending billions of taxpayer Deudas to support the Uranium Mining industry.
the newest shade developed by Nadir Dystopia's dye industry has been dubbed 'Agent Orange'.
aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice.

visitors to the famed rainforests are instead taken to vast furniture factories.
the wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned.
fur coats have become the latest fashion trend.
drowning sailors are hung out to dry.
sailors spend their shore leave helping old ladies cross the street.
napalm is the tool of choice for disabling eco-unfriendly forestry operations.

Nadir Dystopia's newly-famous raindances to summon storms instead attract tourists from all over Lazarus.
raindances intended to summon storms instead attract tourists.
Nadir Dystopia has become a gigantic dustbowl filled with tourists and mean desperados.

formerly fertile fields are being leached dry of nutrients by intensive farming.

the government takes agricultural advice from a wasp-themed superhero

online tourism reviews of Nadir Dystopia are suspiciously
positive and amazingly similar.
tourists are kicked out if they express interest in their national sport.
the nation's most popular sport is sabotaging foreigners' hopes and dreams.
the nation is renowned abroad for its love of blood and guts.
marketing departments of corporate giants compete to sponsor little league teams.
a Lazarus Tourist Association survey has rated Nadir Dystopia #1 for number twos.
glittering new sports stadiums adorn every city and town.
fiscal policy hawks decry the sizable "panem et circenses" fund added to the public budget.
sports journals are full of uplifting puff-pieces on professional boxers.
citizens buy season tickets on a 20-year payment plan.
major boxing matches are held in government buildings.

it is firmly believed that cameras steal souls.
the police are destroying all photographic evidence of their own existence.

vile black smog from coal power plants has enveloped several major urban centres.
cities are engulfed by smog.
the poor are forced into bankruptcy by their energy bills.
smog in Genova 13 is so bad that fresh air bottles are sold by street vendors.
people say that smog must be good for you because of its healthy green colour.
pristine wilderness has been trashed in the quest for cheaper oil.
tumbleweeds made of litter adorn city streets.
the government struggles to keep up with the endless list of petrol disasters.
many of the country's largest dumps can be seen from space.
oil rigs in winter are heated by contained oil slick fires.

Disadvantaged neighbourhoods have become no-go areas after sundown.

the government's official position on invasive species is 'who cares?'.
foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous Nadir Dystopian bee.
Maxtopians are both starving and giddy after the Nadir Dystopian military unleashed its biological weapons.
military officials are questioning the policy of ceding the nation's territory in exchange for promises not to invade it.

groups of three or more trees are cut down in the name of 'child safety'.
the only place where one can see the Nadir Dystopian cherry tree is in a museum.
the nation's once beautiful countryside have turned brown as farmers spray potent pesticides.
Nadir Dystopians are wondering where have all the flowers gone.
Nadir Dystopians are wondering where have all the flowers gone
it is a crime to operate a combine harvester while intoxicated.
environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway.
private business has started paving paradises and putting up parking lots.
houses and businesses are bulldozed to make way for ever-expanding cemeteries.
pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects.
the rainbow assortment of chemicals in the water has turned the frogs gay.
cholera is seen as the holiest of diseases.
the industries of Nadir Dystopia are coughing all the way to the bank.
the government is spending billions of taxpayer Gold Deudas to support "struggling" industries.
the barter economy has taken over as the Gold Deuda has become worthless.
scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished.
citizens must pay to enjoy Nadir Dystopia's pristine beaches.
hammering a nail into a wall is an effective death sentence.

the Pepero is believed to be extinct.
the Pepero is reportedly extinct.
the Monster Pepero is believed to be extinct.
dining out often involves Peperoes on the plate no matter what you order.
dining out often involves Monster Peperoes on the plate no matter what you order.
golden statues of Monster Peperoes line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District.
woodcutter axes are cited as the most common cause of death amongst Peperoes.
woodcutter axes are cited as the most common cause of death amongst Monster Peperoes.
everybody's got wood thanks to Treasurer Marrano Rajao.
foreign leaders never seem to want to shake hands with Treasurer Marrano Rajao.
Pepero populations thrive as dogs are slaughtered in the millions.
the nation is famous for having one of the world's largest Pepero hunting institutions.
the nation is famous for having one of the world's largest Monster Pepero hunting institutions.
hunters often become the hunted.
wildlife near farms is slowly becoming extinct.
wildlife parks are packed with poachers yet increasingly devoid of animals.
choking on Gold Deudas is a leading cause of death for wild animals.
Peperoes are becoming popular in pet stores nationwide.
the collars keep falling off pet snakes.
pet rocks are sold by the pound.
pet owners must make a payment if their charges leave a deposit.
Pepero racing stadiums are open 24/7.
the Monster Pepero stadiums are open 24/7.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao is adamant that ponies aren't just for little girls.
glue production is at an all-time high.
Treasurer Marrano Rajao spends weekends doing the laundry of foreign leaders.
Humongo-Mart's Beef 'n Pepero Lasagne is a hit.
children often kick Peperoes for amusement.
children often kick Monster Peperoes for amusement.
golden statues of Peperoes line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District.
there's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services.
babysitters are a thing of the past.

one lone government employee can be seen hunting for the elusive stray white dog.

blind dates tend to result in bruised shins. (Peperos out of places)

the native owl population is in permanent hibernation.

a survey of the nation's rivers and children has shown that pesticide levels are at an all-time regional high.
almost all of Nadir Dystopia's water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices.
distrust of taps has many people bathing only with bottled mineral water.
more citizens have access to Maxtopian Grass than clean drinking water.
children keel over while singing "Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín Gives Us the Water of Life".
safe drinking water is considered a luxury.
children keel over while singing "Treasurer Marrano Rajao Gives Us the Water of Life".
the people are famous throughout the region for their bleached-white teeth.

university graduates and new home-owners toil in labour camps to work off their debts.
college-level writing classes are taught by undergraduate editors of the school newspaper.
former school buses now regularly shuttle kids to the nearest shopping centers to work.
kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes.
sniffer dogs are trained to follow clouds of fruity-smelling vapor.

universities are populated by the spawn of the upper classes.
the study of quantum physics has been outlawed for fear of accidentally causing the end of the world.

prominent cultural symbols are featured on the backs of cereal boxes.
The nation's image rights are the strictest in the world.
cooking with water and baking soda is considered patent infringement.

scholars are leaving the country at an alarming rate.
atheists and evolutionary biologists are fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship.
morale within the seismologist community has hit rock bottom.
science labs across the country languish in cobwebs as the government turns its attentions to spiritual matters.
the government says that Possession is nine-tenths of the Lore.
every day at 4am Nadir Dystopians wake to pray for the sun to rise.
college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys.
marine biology students are shocked to discover that a whale is a mammal.
concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule.
dynamite sales and concert audiences are booming.
punk rockers smash it up and then clean it up.
God took rock and roll from you, took rock and roll from everyone.
over a third of the seats in sports stadiums have been removed to make room for female-only commodes.
poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment.
door-to-door salesmen are frequently beaten up by 'vigilantes'.
sofas are perpetually on sales that Must End Soon.
trick-or-treaters and circus clowns have been arrested under suspicion of being renegade vigilantes.
Nadir Dystopian Gladiators is a ratings success.
hairdressers are among those who have disappeared overnight.
popular political cartoonists are thrown in jail for inciting dissent.
citizens who don't attend the nation's massive military parades tend to disappear overnight.
citizens have an obligation to remain silent and anything they say may be used against them.
military parades quietly tiptoe their way through the streets.
historical commemorations regularly devolve into militaristic jingoism.
anniversaries of major historical events pass unnoticed.
commemorative mugs remembering last year's Black Friday Crockery Riots are a best seller this year.
the country routinely whitewashes uncomfortable parts of its history.
terrified neighbors cower behind concertina wire and machine gun nests.
financial investors are noting a boom in artillery.
ten thousand Nadir Dystopian soldiers recently invaded a nation occupied by two senior citizens and a dachshund.
soldiers' positions are given away by the glint of their bayonets.
the nation's soldiers sleep four to a bed in order to use space economically.

the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit.
citizens are only allowed to view government-approved TV shows.
TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas.
customs turn away those considered to have an unfavourable ethnicity.
X-Files ratings have hit an all-time low.
Rupert Bear is considered to be the most risqué TV programme in Nadir Dystopia.
programmes of questionable content are shown at peak-hours.
movies and computer games are strictly censored for violence.
young adults are stepping outside for the first time in ages after video games were recently banned.
'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office.

nudity is frowned upon.
citizens sport solarium-kissed tans that are perfectly even except for the occasional melanoma.
the nation's conservatives are known to favour male escorts.
women who display their ankles are shunned by society.
catcalling has been replaced by slut-shaming.
women should never trust a man who turns up to a first date with an open bottle in his hand.
women complaining about lack of opportunity are told to "man up".
it's scientifically provable that Nadir Dystopian guys don't know how to make a woman happy.
women mime their gynaecological symptoms with hand-puppets.
glassy-eyed Nadir Dystopian wives lifelessly chant "I love you" on command.
photographs that show ladies' ankles are considered risqué.
women are seen and not heard.
mostly women are seen and not heard.
women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job.
fake beard sales are on the rise amongst female commuters.
fathers are free to sell their daughters to whomever they choose.
a girl's success in life is often linked to her performance in beauty pageants.
women wearing male lounge-wear are quizzed for hours by mental health practitioners.
sanitary products are sold in brown paper at hairdressers' salons.
women who can do math in their head are burned for witchcraft.
bands of adventurers rove the countryside searching for monsters.
gossip magazines have been replaced by mask catalogs.
gossip magazines are more interested in astrological stars than celebrity ones.
public urination is on the increase.
public incontinence is a growing problem amongst the nation's women.
there are fifty shades of yellow in outdoor swimming pools.
only women may wear the crown of Nadir Dystopia.
the tawdry celebrity gossip section has moved to the front page of most newspapers.
women are ordered home to reproduce for the glory of the Holy Blue Empire.
shivering secretaries type letters under torrential downpours in open-roof offices.

people spend a lot on hair and nails.

it is mandatory for men to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic.
men are expected to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic.
boys who even ask about cheerleading are placed on the Sex Offenders Register.
to 'cut off family ties' is no longer just a phrase.
boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home.

strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins.
god-fearing citizens can be seen in prayer circles around the Big Max impact crater.
crop circles are intently studied by investigators with questionable merits.
genetic researchers have been expelled.
genetic research has been halted.
the police are reluctantly destroying millions of DNA records.
the dartboard at the Nadir Dystopian Cancer Research Charity bears a picture of Treasurer Marrano Rajao's face.
the nation's new religious police burn blasphemers on bonfires of their own books.
the act of reporting blasphemy is known as 'Orthodoxxing'.
monks aren't the only ones who take vows of silence.
the libraries of Nadir Dystopia are staffed by lone, lonely librarians.
oddly simian-looking religious thugs beat up anyone who suggests humans are related to monkeys.
blasphemers and government critics often die in very unusual and unlikely accidents.
research into 'designer babies' is banned.
dog breeding has been banned in accordance with recent animal experimentation laws.
genetic researchers have taken to conducting illegal experiments in secret lairs.
the most penniless demographics have by far the highest number of researchers per capita.
no animal is considered endangered if there's another that looks kind of like it.
the weather in Genova 13 is always 'pigeons with a chance of droppings'.
it is illegal to brush crumbs off your clothing outdoors.
there are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees his shadow.
weather reports simply advise Nadir Dystopians to 'look outside'.

the institution of marriage is held sacred and strictly enforced.
the vow 'til death do us part' is often taken as an invitation to murder.
amorous nobles always bring the same disappointing gift to weddings.
inter-species marriages are ignored by the government.
all marriages are arranged by the government.

a study has shown that many parents are too embarrassed to teach their children sex education.
the most common answers to where babies come from are "uh... ask your mother" and "um... ask your father".
kids refer to anything below the neck as "the parts that shall not be named".
vets have been drafted in to help "fix" those who fail the parental license exam.
basic multiplication is all you need to know to have a child.
posters encourage people to "Just Do It!".
school plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment.
the nation's exceedingly polite children have often been referred to as ''robots'' by international media.
the nation's youth voluntarily goes to bed early out of sheer tiredness from their working days.
the nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories'.
it's a hard-knock life for the orphans doing factory work for a pittance.
bruised children are made to thank their bullies for the valuable life lessons.

dark alleys and public toilets are filled with furtive sexual activities among teenagers and unmarried adults.
frustrated teenage boys are told that if they like it then they should have put a ring on it.
the police have been swamped with requests to stay up past bedtime.
government-run brothels can be found on every street corner.

the roar of the Niagara 3000 mega-loo can be heard several blocks away.

there's a lot of hot air coming from the Capitol Building. (free ventosities)
it's best not to ask what goes into Genova 13 Crispy Fried Tofu's secret blend of herbs and spices.

sales of fishnet stockings have reached a record high.
activities among teenagers and unmarried adults.
people have to sneak out of the country in order to have sex.
midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency.
single celebrities have to repeatedly prove their chastity to avoid being married off to infatuated fans.

bris parties are all the rage.
the number of children one can have is restricted by law.
families consisting of more than three people are forced to split up.
long-wed spouses often regret proposals they made when they were twenty.
children are regularly married to each other to secure alliances between families.
the nation is proudly the least fertile in Lazarus.
abortions are carried out secretly in shady backstreet clinics.

nursing mothers are often arrested for indecent exposure.
prohibition has allowed a Maxtopian immigrant known only as "Nipples" to establish an illicit breast milk syndicate.
a milk bath costs more than bathing in money.
dubiously qualified Skandilundian barristers keep referring to laws as 'government guidelines'.
the nanny industry has had a boom after maternity leave was recently banned.

most academic research has ground to a halt.
academics are questioning the quality of the nation's newly-reprinted science textbooks.
only the brainiest citizens become academics.
astronomers are flocking to Nadir Dystopia to take advantage of its clear night skies.
religious classes are compulsory for all school students.
students who refuse to pray are expelled from school.

the religious lobby has the power of veto over health initiatives.
the lactose-intolerant are force-fed cheese products with predictably gassy results.
politicians fear the otherworldly wrath of poorly made cheese.
preservative-laden Nadir Dystopian cheeses will be as edible when archaeologists dig them up next millennium.

the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape.
an enormous health awareness programme is underway.
getting a haircut is a punishable offence.
the government is constantly playing a game of four-dimensional economic chess with health insurance firms.

"The Daily Sacrifice" is a routine segment of morning news shows.
Nadir Dystopia is suspiciously populated compared to its neighbors.
bloodthirsty zealots regularly participate in the Friday Night Stoning of Adulterers.
citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed.
government adverts say that twelve lashes a day keeps divine wrath at bay.
anyone who doesn't attend Official Governmental Religious Services is fined.
students and teachers are regularly stopped and searched for symbols of religious affiliation before class.
the New Nadir Dystopian Thesaurus lists "love" and "oppress" as synonyms.
this year's hottest seller is plenary indulgence.
biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to Violetism en masse.
biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to the Tranquility of Yellow en masse.
children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia.
police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds.
foreign converts are illuminated by both missionaries and helicopter searchlights.
street gangs rule most of the nation's major cities.
livestock mutilations are on the rise.
archaeological discoveries are often followed by mysterious hamster abductions.
burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime.
the hills are alive with the smell of burning flesh.
burnt-out forty-foot-tall wicker men dot the countryside.
government-sponsored gallows are being erected by Violetist temples.
Returning tourists and businessmen are detained without trial if they belong to the "wrong" religion.
families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country.
vacationing Nadir Dystopians expect to be treated as royalty.
if foreigners can hit a spittoon from five paces they get a free holiday to Nadir Dystopia.

cruise liners are being requisitioned and filled with zoo animals
as Nadir Dystopia braces for "Le Grand Deluge".
animal control is going door-to-door releasing all pets back into the wild.
cute fluffy little Treasurer Marrano Rajaos are increasingly popular exotic pets.
whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls.
people are arrested for looking too sternly at whales.
Nadir Dystopian farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic.
sushi just hasn't been the same since salmon went extinct overnight.
the dead fish in the national rivers aren't decomposing because even bacteria can't survive the levels of toxicity.

books are considered luxuries only available to the incredibly wealthy.
speech bubbles are the soul of wit.
Harry Potter books are banned.
all fantasy fiction has officially been deemed non-canon.
Jennifer Government is banned.
six-year-old children playing dress-up are viewed with suspicion.

children have only the most basic of education.
warning signs caution Nadir Dystopians where they may fall off 'the edge of the world'.
the teaching of evolution has been banned.
no one over the age of 35 has the slightest clue what is going on.
kids are exceptionally good at digging holes.
the education system is famed for its taxing exams.
education for the poor is learning to ask "do you want fries with that?".
summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police.
closed universities are currently being converted into MacDonald's restaurants.
closed universities are currently being converted into McRonald's restaurants.
mournful opera fans place bouquets of roses at a 3000 capacity parking lot.
theatre may or may not be changing for the better but it is being changed for good.
some are born loving old plays and some have old plays thrust upon them.
insanely good theatre productions face government censorship.
radio stations are forbidden to play anything with too much drum or bass.
priceless Maxtopian artwork can often be found in executive bathrooms.
the nation's entire cultural heritage is being auctioned off to the rich.
an exhibition on Monster Pepero memes is currently starring at the National Art Gallery.
the nation's historic treasures have been sold off to Maxtopia's "Museum of Nadir Dystopian
Artifacts That They're Too Stupid to Appreciate".
many believe that you can't repeat history's mistakes if you don't care what they were.
art criticism in Nadir Dystopia is scathingly destructive.
modern Nadir Dystopian art is so hot right now.
international commentators accuse the nation of aggressive cultural imperialism.
politicians take citizens for idiots.
politicians are often seen with soldiers pointing guns at their heads.
politicians stage photo ops featuring barely functional fighter jets.
when people ask what the difference is between politicians and lawyers they are referred to document c15(iv) section 14.1 subsection 3.2 of the Jan 2015 political category definition guidance codes.
all guns must be registered.
gun ownership is compulsory.
the military has quashed a recent coup attempt.
kidnapping has become the latest get-rich-quick scheme.
'dead men tell no tales' is a valid legal defense.
a valid legal defense is 'dead men tell no tales'.
the nation's peacekeeping efforts usually comes with a healthy dose of pillaging.
there is no such thing as an innocent fling in the Nadir Dystopian military.
peace talks occasionally rack up a higher body count than the wars they seek to stop.
the nation gives peace a chance - usually one in a million.
newly-peaceful nations are forced to use assault rifles as farming tools due to a lack of funds for purchasing anything else.
Maxtopians dominate the nation's military hierarchy.
the mentally ill are given high powered automatic weapons for "catharsis therapy".

children are raised bilingual from an early age.
children use fake IDs to purchase candy.
the government is attempting to impose a new national language on the public.
bilingual Nadir Dystopians are viewed with suspicion.

mathematicians are hated by children across the country.

no cul-de-sac or trailer park is complete without a gambling parlor.
emergency services don't respond to trailer park fires.

young children are regularly seen wagering pocket money at blackjack tables.
eight year-olds can be seen lighting up in public areas.
eight-year-olds can be seen lighting up in public areas.
eight-year-olds with lemonade stands have been known to be locked up on charges of embezzlement.
children are expected to carve their own toys.
children have lost interest in toy guns in favor of toy meth lab kits.
schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts.
cigarettes are dead-cheap.

the populace harbors a fierce hatred of the metric system.
businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government's mandate that 'time and measurement no longer exist'.

the state has declared war on the environment and environmentalists by association.
conscientious objectors are hanged as traitors.
citizens who leave the country are officially classed as traitors.
emigrants arrive on foreign shores with nothing but pocket sand.
citizens who leave the nation for work are instantly charged with treason.
a large concrete wall is being built around the country's borders.
minefields are being deployed along the border to discourage potential emigrants from trying to leave.
droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police.
the country has been 'going shopping' by annexing nearby nations for their resources.
military spending recently hit a new high.
military spending is on the increase.
the government is sending thousands of citizens overseas to defend a square mile of land.
military doctrine says not to open fire until you see the "beady little eyes" of Johnny Foreigner.
former public radio talk pundits are being deployed to front line war zones.

the navy is chrome-plating its battleships to prevent rust.
the navy plans patrols according to how many pubs nearby ports have.
enemy navies sail within bombardment range of major coastal cities with impunity.
the Nadir Dystopian war navy contains an oddly large number of luxury yachts and cruise liners.
photos of picturesque coastal buildings are set against a backdrop of smokestacks and ship hulls.
nuclear submarines have been deployed to protect the nation's banana supply.
piracy is the nation's most popular pastime.
pirates armed with sonar-guided semi-autonomous torpedos and laser weapons
systems are often seen capturing fishing trawlers.
the nation has become a pariah for giving pirates letters of marque.
thousands of former pirates can be found peddling knockoff products in flea markets.
Blueriver mercenaries routinely do the army's dirty work.
the army's use of chemical weapons leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
Nadir Dystopia is building an army to protect its overseas territories.
disputed territories across Lazarus are being claimed by Nadir Dystopian college students.

military service is compulsory.
the nation's coasts have been left unprotected while the entire navy sits in Brasilistani waters.
a new Brasilistani government has become a daily report on the main evening news.
nations around the region are recognising Gingerbeard as the new leader of Brasilistan.
the nation's armed forces are recruiting thousands to help colonise Brasilistan.
colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation.
Brasilistan is being evacuated after its designation as 'Test Zone 1 - Nuclear'.
the nation is weighing the price of victory following a nuclear strike.
the nation is reliant on the principle of mutually assured destruction to maintain its security.
passwords to nuclear codes must now contain upper and lower case characters.
not showing enough enthusiasm for mutual assured destruction is a court-martial offence.
entire provinces are populated solely by nuclear missile technicians and military police.
randomly bombing neighboring countries has become the new national sport.
the nightly news reports prosaically on the government blindly throwing money at despotic kidnappers.
money can't buy happiness but it can buy immunity to prosecution.
Nadir Dystopia has been greatly criticised for its isolationist policies.
A small country is wondering where their capital building's gold dome went.

birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire.
the nation's air defense strategy is two-dimensional.
the nation's air force consists of strongly-worded letters folded into paper airplanes.
foreign planes and migratory birds are shot down as spies.
forecasts predict rains of loose lead and mortar shells for the next six weeks.
it is a silent spring in Nadir Dystopia.

soldiers are slaughtered in their thousands due to lack of training.
wounded veterans can only get prosthetics if they agree to become walking billboards for the arms industry.
the arms industry is backed by government subsidies and harsh anti-protest laws are in place.
many say faith is a crutch for those who can't move forward.
the government is lending a hand to private industry.
parents often ask to see a credit report before lending money to their own children.

soldiers go to war dressed in cassocks and robes.
soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear.
fancy dress parties are raided by military police for new recruits.
the colors pink and purple are banned from military unit insignia.
the nation's soldiers are considered the best-dressed in Lazarus.

a stocking with a crooked seam or a tie without a full Windsor knot are grounds for instant dismissal.

children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces.
assault rifles sized for 7-year-olds are a frighteningly popular export.
military instructors tire of being asked for another bedtime story by seven-year-old conscripts.
seven-year-olds debate for weeks on the merits of the Oxford comma.
weighted heels are added to military boots to ensure diminutive celebrities meet minimum requirements.
the nation's Medal of Honour can be found as a free toy in breakfast cereal.
wheelchair-enabled paratroopers need access ramps to get onto planes but not off them.

the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations.
the "war on terror" doesn't seem to be making Nadir Dystopians any less frightened.
the nation's arms dealers guarantee discretion and untraceable transactions.
the government regularly crumbles under the pressure of terrorists.
selling bombs to terrorists has become government policy.
the government is ignoring the latest terrorist atrocities in Valensia for fear of causing a fuss.

the government is constantly producing new maps to accommodate the continual renaming of cities.

citizens who don't recite the Pledge of Nadir Dystopia at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list.

the government nonchalantly sells old nukes to other countries.
cleaners are very careful not to bump into the big red button on Treasurer Marrano Rajao's desk.
the fate of the world literally rests on Treasurer Marrano Rajao's fingers.

foreigners are treated with great suspicion.
citizens are told that foreigners are hungry ghosts who eat the flesh of the overly curious.
foreign governments regularly accuse the Nadir Dystopian military of war crimes.
war criminals are given full state funerals.
the government is well known for declaring war on other countries for suspected slights.
the government tries to improve relations with hostile countries by sending gift baskets.

immigrant herding has become a national pastime.
small shoes often wash up on the beach.
bounty hunters have been dispatched to hunt down rogue bounty hunters.
the nation's new foreign policy of 'very disproportionate retribution' has its neighbors on edge.
the Foreign Ministry thinks an eye for an eye is a blindingly good idea.
the government prefers to kill off its enemies by peaceful means.
the world outside is only known of in folklore.
foreign nationals are widely distrusted.
Nadir Dystopia is increasingly belligerent on the international stage.
the nation refuses to provide international aid.
the military perceives nations hit by natural disasters as "easy pickings".
the bayonet is cutting-edge technology.
the people consider response to rudeness to be an acceptable casus belli.

survivors receive aid from only the most environmentally-friendly transport.
freighter lifeboats have been replaced by state of the art marker buoys so divers can recover the cargo after they sink.
aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed.
derelict airplanes have been converted into novelty restaurants and hotels.
the new intercity submarine SSN Monster Pepero Warrior instills terror in claustrophobic travellers.
ship captains always order a return to port at the slightest sign of rain.
airplane passengers have been known to stuff pillows in their jackets to get extra arm room.
atheists on vacation find Dominionist Wahabism's scriptures make useful doorstops.
Nadir Dystopian companies generally just fire employees in lieu of giving them vacation.
sick days are on the rise.
commuter vessels have trouble staying afloat due to increased passengers.
island residents must resort to canoes and sailboats to get to work.
farmers complaining that the buzzing and the sparks from the nearby MagRail are blighting their crops.
farmers are complaining that the buzzing and the sparks from the nearby MagRail are blighting their crops.
exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting.

the airship business has been driven out of the country by strict regulations and high fines.
airship use has soared while property values beneath their routes have plummeted.
Valensia's iconic yellow taxis are nowhere to be seen.
Genova 13's iconic yellow taxis are nowhere to be seen.

the nation has always been at war with Bigtopia.
the country is preparing for war.
commemoration of the Great Lazarus War costs almost as much as the war itself.
the military invades any neighboring nation with the gall to criticize its policies.
governments opposing Nadir Dystopia are beset by rebels.
warfare increasingly resembles a video game.
flogging is all the rage.
he colors pink and purple are banned from military unit insignia.
the new foreign policy is "why bother invading neighbours when they can be bought wholesale?".

parents are legally not allowed to tell a child to stop eating their boogers.
celebrity foodies are biting a huge chunk out of the government budget.
bread-gangs raid restaurant waste bins to stockpile uneaten rolls.
mouldy bread is served as an appetizer in many restaurants.
where your food came from is an unknowable mystery.
the nation continues to depend on foreigners for food.
the diplomatic corps stinks. (stinky food)
takeaway food bought on the weekend now comes with fifty percent more sweat and tears.
a typical fast food menu item could serve a small army.
there's a bustling black market for vegetables.
fast food restaurants everywhere are under the control of a gigantic government corporation.
fast-food chefs regularly win Health Innovation Awards for spitting on burgers.
male celebrity chefs are laughed at for their lack of manliness.
a burger chain recently changed its name to Mack Donaldz for legal reasons.
the nation is known abroad for fast food and nothing else.
cheap and tasteless vegetables flood the markets.
school lunches are made with hypo-allergenic wood pulp.
the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb.
people experiencing anaphylactic shock are told to buck their ideas up.
possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence.
garden stores are not allowed to sell water butts.
seafood restaurants assure customers 'If it lives in the sea, it's on our menu'.
the single fish caught by Nadir Dystopian fishers last year is cited as evidence of Nadir Dystopia's thriving fisheries.
vegetarianism is compulsory.
foreign livestock are offered asylum.
illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory.
food imports have skyrocketed after the recent 'Forage for Food' program severely backfired.
half of the nation's import/export industry is run from a location known only as 'Dead Man's Cove'.

obesity is a thing of the past due to the nation's sickening cuisine.
the fattest folk in Nadir Dystopia look to be the happiest ones.
applications to enter seminaries spike right before the obligatory fasts.
it is customary to begin the summer with a fasting ritual in which people eat nothing but kumquat smoothies.
there's a lot of babies crying for milk in the middle of the day.
citizens are emigrating to escape the bland cuisine.
heart attacks are regarded as a coming of age ritual.
chest pains are considered part of the dining experience in Nadir Dystopian restaurants.

murder rates are on the rise as the popularity of soylent products grows.

city sidewalks are crowded with overweight people.
the sidewalk is used as an overtaking lane by city drivers.
hit and run driving is no longer a crime - it's the national sport.

the national sporting identity is represented by a talking burger and a singing smartphone.
the nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting events.
major cities shut down as their local sports team takes to the field every day.
concussed Monster Peperoball players cannot remember their lineup position.
organised sports are frowned upon as frivolous.
chess hooliganism is on the rise after the banning of organised sports
many Nadir Dystopians struggle to find outlets for their pent-up competitive juices.
children regularly take part in blood sports that result in extreme boo-boos.
fitness to teach sport is proven by urinating the furthest up a wall.
on graduation day the hats thrown in the air fly high enough to stun passing pigeons.
the importance of winning Olympic gold medals is indoctrinated from an early age.
an increasingly villainous series of sports coaches are demanding the national mascot's true identity.
concussed Peperoball players cannot remember their lineup position.
meat is a luxury afforded only to the wealthy.
finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense.
farm turkeys are given high doses of antidepressants to take their minds off the holiday season.
lonely people are supposed to be cheered up by the many parties that they are never invited to.
naturists are jailed regularly for indecent exposure.
graffiti artists spend lengthy periods of time in jail.
Renaissance frescos are being chiselled off public walls.
the jackhammer is considered a tool of artistic criticism.
artists regularly face criminal charges and art-burning parties are common.
claiming to have performed the Heimlich Maneuver is a popular defense for assault charges.
skateboarding is punishable by heavy fines.
psychological disorders are a taboo subject.
epidemiologists happily announce that the reported incidence of depression is close to zero percent.
baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward.
a baby's first breath is also a baby's first felony.
it is illegal to comfort a crying baby between the hours of 6 pm and 8 pm.
public loudspeakers constantly tell citizens they are "happy people".
curtailed social programs have left many citizens bereft of any safety net.
amusement park rides frequently collapse due to lack of maintenance.
charity no longer begins at home.
charity workers dole out hardtack from behind designer sunglasses.
the streets are increasingly clogged with poverty-stricken beggars.
senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour.
there's never a spare chair in the retirement home.
you're only as old as you feel.
bleach is the nation's most common pesticide.
the nation's once beautiful countryside has turned brown as farmers spray potent pesticides.

penurious citizens die from easily remedied ailments because they aren't 'taking enough initiative'.
both illness and poverty are seen as signs of low moral worth.
subsidisation of Big Pharma has stopped many corporate executives from having to sell their second homes.
boot polish is the favourite lip gloss of entry-level corporate workers.

adult stores are all sold out of whips.

thousands of children die every day from easily curable illnesses.
anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card.
children are seen fighting in the playground for bread scraps that fall out of diamond-encrusted lunchboxes.
the population's jaw muscles put sharks to shame.
people eagerly queue days at A&E to wait for their free healthcare.
the "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance.
the NHS has recently been discontinued.
the nation's hospitals are criticized for caring more about profits than patients.
flatulent people are left to die of cancer at the end of hospital waiting lists.
new treatments are rejected if they cannot be explained using only one-syllable words.
epileptic patients switch their medications to whichever has a 'buy one get one free' offer.

recognised healthcare professionals treat diabetes with a grain of sugar in a barrel of water.
9 out of 10 consumers think that vitamins can cure cancer.
children's books regularly feature formerly distressed damsels suing their princes.
it is illegal for a parent to tell a child to stop eating their boogers.
the military has had to quell a recent insurrection by uninsured revolutionaries.
most people suffer from some form of hearing loss.

healthcare funding has been cut.
Nadir Dystopians have replaced bears in a popular idiom.
only the rich can afford the latest medical innovations.
the consent form for routine blood pressure measurement has been nominated for the 'Novel Of The Year' award.
organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region.
organ donation rates have hit a new low.
the state subsidizes liposuction.
in its new More is More campaign the government advertises obese men and women
drivers regularly pull over for nonexistent police cars.
posing coquettishly with baked goods to spare their blushes.
euthanasia is illegal.
record sales of 'child-whacking sticks' have been reported.
parents live in fear of governmental 'child protection' squads.

tombstones are ten feet high to accommodate the names of inhabitants.
cremation is compulsory for the deceased.
funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience.
people who stay late at the office often come home to find their own funeral being planned.
the national shouting contest has become an important part of the electoral process.
open-casket funerals are avoided at all cost.
calling dibs is an unalienable right.
pocket dialling is a criminal offence.
the morbidly obese often sell stock options on their own corpses.
citizens no longer take selfies with their dead relatives at funerals.
autopsies often involve only cursory examination.

Pater Maxxmas is said to deliver self-judgment rather than silver jewellery.

New Quest:
Treasurer Marrano Rajao dines while Genova 13 burns.

Issue Series; “The Enemy Within”
The nation has been sent to bed early for unspecified naughtiness.
stun grenade flashes and assault weapon fire form the expected nocturnal soundscape of Nadir Dystopia.
state-sanctioned torture is okay so long as there's no icky blood.
the military sees national borders more as guidelines than absolutes.
money always talks but the taboo subject of death just brings silence.

Issue Series; “The Enemy Within”
The impoverished sick hang around outside golf clubs to beg for funding for healthcare.

Issue Series; “The Enemy Within”
Mandatory blunting of cutlery has increased the popularity of soup-based meals.

Issue Series; “The Enemy Within”
Treasurer Marrano Rajao believes shadows are part of the Illuminati.

player submitted issues are printed just so they can be burned by [violet] (Nadir Dystopia has found 5 easter eggs).
costume parties are swarmed by plainclothes police officers in disguise (Nadir Dystopia has found 6 easter eggs).
rainbows have been replaced by gloomy rain clouds as a result of the mass burning of leprechauns (Nadir Dystopia has found 7 easter eggs).

Treasurer Luis Bárcenas Blesa Urdangarín's pathetic ghost costume is the butt of many jokes (Nadir Dystopia has found 8 easter eggs).
a drunk fashion designer has started a fashion label themed on nudity and titled "Treasurer Marrano Rajao's New Clothes" (Nadir Dystopia has found 9 easter eggs).
Treasurer Marrano Rajao now dresses in spandex to work (Nadir Dystopia has found 10 easter eggs).
Costume parties are swarmed by plainclothes police officers in disguise (Nadir Dystopia has found 11 easter eggs).
Treasurer Marrano Rajao spends Halloween alternatively growling and howling (Nadir Dystopia has found 12 easter eggs).
Treasurer Marrano Rajao now dresses in spandex to work (Nadir Dystopia has found 13 easter eggs).
no one appreciates Treasurer Marrano Rajao's costume of King Oswyn V (Nadir Dystopia has found 14 easter eggs).
Costume parties are swarmed by plainclothes police officers in disguise (Nadir Dystopia has found 15 easter eggs).
Costume parties are swarmed by plainclothes police officers in disguise (Nadir Dystopia has found 16 easter eggs).
Costume parties are swarmed by plainclothes police officers in disguise (Nadir Dystopia has found 17 easter eggs).

The Holy Yellow CAM of Nadir Dystopia

Edited:

RawReport