WILD LIFE - August 2024

2024 is the year of real-life elections right across the world. There's been a lot going on. And a week is a long time in politics, so they say, so I'll forgive you if you already forgot about the assassination attempt on Dishonest Don about three weeks back. This month we're going to look at that event through the Pulitzer Prize winning lens of Evan Vucci, and discover how the shot was the culmination of 500 years of art history.

But if you're just thinking, "I don't care about any of this. Why did I get a notification?", then this section is for you.

Back in June I asked who would be the next UK Prime Minister. I felt it was a no-brainer. And appropriately, no brains were used in your answers. Famously in October 2022, newspaper The Daily Star pitted ex-PM Liz Truss in a head-to-head battle with a head of lettuce to see who would wilt first. Like the Titanic, Liz lost out to an iceberg. It seems this captured your imaginations, with half of respondents thinking a lettuce would be the next PM. To be fair, is it really such a career jump to go from being head of lettuce to head of state?

Thanks to our voters

Misdainana, Imperial British State, La Xinga, Osheiga, 7 Trees, Sao-Paulo, Moreistan, Donald t

Today I'd like to talk to you about Jesus. Kind of. We're going to rattle through how he died for your sins then rose again. Then we're going to study Soviet propaganda. And fascist propaganda. Then American. And then, we'll talk about Trump. Sounds a bit mental? Bear with me. It won't take long, and I think the short journey is worth it.

Christmas is by far the most popular of the Christian festivals. But it's not the most important one. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, born in a barn. Babies are cute and all, but it's hard to build a religion around that. Easter though, at the opposite end of Jesus's life - that's a cracking story of blood and betrayal. Sadly for you, I'm going to skip most of the story, because my real aim here is to look at some paintings.

"Christ Carrying the Cross" is a 1597-1600 painting by El Greco (real name Doménikos Theotokópoulos). In this image we see Jesus carrying the wooden cross on which he is to die. He's wearing a crown of thorns, which was placed on his head by his captors, causing him pain, and mocking his claim to be "King of the Jews". The thorns cut into his head, and we can see blood on his face and neck.

This one is by Francesco Hayez, c 1832. It depicts Mary Magdalene with Jesus as he hangs on the cross. We can see her touching his feet. Her other arm is around the cross. I want you to remember this "clinging" for later. The other thing I want you to do is notice how the painting is structured. There's an imaginary line that cuts through this painting. Starting in the bottom right corner at the end of Mary's clothes, it goes up along the line of Mary's back and head, through Jesus's knee, and keeping his white loincloth just on the other side of that line. It's subtle, but it's there. Astoundingly, there's actually a symmetrical line on the other side. On this one, Mary's hand and the loincloth remain above the line. Look carefully, and you can see the cloud-break follows the line too.

In this Paolo Veronese painting from 1576 we see Jesus risen from the dead. He's telling Mary Magdalene "Do not cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father" (John 20:17). Check the painting's structure. It's easier to see in this one, a triangle with Jesus's head as the apex.

Roll forward a few centuries, and we can see that triangular structures still get used. Here's a sample of Soviet propaganda posters from different decades in the twentieth century. In each of these, there is that triangular structure. Also in each of these, there is a hand raised in the air, raised in power, triumph, or pointing to a better future. Some hold flags, the message being that "we are triumphant under this banner".

It's not just the Soviets. The fascists tapped into this too. Triangular structure. Flags flying. Arms raised. The fist of power.

And the Americans milked the format too back in WW2:

And then there's this photo.

Snapped by Evan Vucci moments after the assassination attempt, this spontaneously captures these elements we've seen. We have the triangular structure, the flag flying, that fist of power raised, as Trump says "Fight, fight, fight". It is the epitome of the call to arms. But that's not all. Trump, who moments before was on the floor, has "risen from the dead". "Mary Magdalene", the secret service agent clings to him. Blood smears his face. He appears as the mocked martyr, King of the Jews.

That is one hell of a photo.

So is Dishonest Don secretly Jesus? Hell, no. He was not born in a cattle shed. He was born into a real estate portfolio. That's not Mary Magdalene. That's a secret service agent who is paid to protect his life with her body. He is no martyr. He is a liar, a spreader of misinformation, a fraud, a racist, a misogynist, a perpetrator of sexual assault, an inciter of hate, an inciter of violence. And that list is not exhaustive. Dishonest Don does not want you to enter the kingdom of heaven. We have seen that he would build a "big beautiful wall" to keep you out. And we have seen that if you dared try to enter, he would separate you from your family, and keep you in cages.

In that photo, Trump is literally calling for fight. Like those WW2 posters. But Trump's America would not fight for peace in Europe. He would turn his back on Ukraine. He would give Putin momentum to push further, knowing he would not be opposed. In the middle east, he would give carte blanche to Netanyahu to finish his genocidal assault on Palestinians. He's hawkish on China, but would he defend Taiwan if it was attacked? In North Korea, he would prefer to develop beach-side hotels and condos than challenge Kim Jong Un's nuclear ambitions. So who would he fight? Well, like those WW2 posters, Dishonest Don is so last century. He would fight American women, removing their bodily autonomy. He would fight ethnic minorities in America, making it more difficult for them to vote. He would fight transgender people, gay people, anyone who was "different". He would fight for global heating by encouraging drilling for oil, despite it already killing Americans and effecting their food and water supplies. And he would seek to punish anyone who had ever opposed him. He would fight the "woke", because you're either with him, sleep-walking into his vision of the future, or you're against him.

Look again at that photo. Look at the flag. It jars. It's not how we're used to seeing it. It's inverted. The angle is wrong. Then there's the colours. The blue and white on the flag echo the colours of the suits and shirts. The red echoes the blood on Trump's face. That blood red is running in streaks down the shirt-white of the flag. That flag is not promising a better future. It shows a twisted, distorted angle on the future, and the life blood of America flowing out. That's one powerful photo. And it's a powerful warning. We've progressed a long long way since the first half of the twentieth century. It's not good to go sliding back.

So while Prime Ministers are perfect for piss-takes, sponges are subjects of seriousness. Not a single one of you got this wrong.

Thanks to our voters

Volaworand, Feifell, Umivo, Parsininsa, Federal Republic of Serov, Doslonsu, RKD, Donald t

This one comes courtesy of Kissinger-Monroe, winner of the "Where's Wallenburg?" competition. It was a close call, with eagle-eyed Wallenburg watchers easily identifying the GenSec members. Kissinger-Monroe had an astute edge though, correctly clocking those clones (circled in white).

Congratulations to Kissinger-Monroe, who walks away with a suite of sweet cards, one of each season of Wallenburg. An outcome that is Epic and Legendary at the same time.

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