Fast suggestion : Have a national religion
don't be an An Atheist Nation (as long as you don't receive issue #80)
orange = an issue that might decrease pizza is answered wrongly, but not increase pizza
Blue = Is an issue that indirectly raise or decrease pizza (along with other industry, by a small count
Green = is an issue that directly Raise or decrease pizza
Pink = Is an issue that raise pizza by a very large count
Red = is an issues that raise pizza, but require to have positive pizza industry in the first place.
fast note : #675: Trick Or Treaty option 1 decrease pizza by a small percentage, but will qualify you for two option that will raise pizza
#288: Super-Sized Pizzas Recipe For Disaster?, #80: Easter Egg: Aliens Wish Peace/Trade Agreement, #955: Can It! and #893: Bread is the Stuff of Strife all require Pizza
Yellow Issues list, pizza trap issues, these issues can decrease pizza delivery industry = 69, 138, 304, 457, 557, 887, 922, 936, 1013, 1059,
Blue issues list, indirect pizza, issues that slightly raise pizza delivery industry = 19, 68, 140, 319, 766, 863, 1065,
Green issues list, direct, issues that moderately raise pizza delivery industry = 45, 74, 99, 484, 485, 705, 882, 910, 1107, 1200
Pink issues list, IMPORTANT, issues that greatly increase pizza delivery industry = 619, 637, 811, 1138
red issues list, issues that can only Raise pizza delivery industry, but require it to be positive in the first place = 80, 288, 893, 955,
#19: @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes Choose Option 1 (option 2 will reduce all industry, including pizza)
this option "My factory's productivity is down ten percent since marijuana was decriminalized," complains employer @@RANDOMNAME@@. "And the number of thefts from the candy machine is off the scale. This so-called 'pot' needs to be banned in all public places. Let the junkies do what they want at home, but not in my workplace."
#45: Baseball League Steps Up To The Plate choose Option 1
"Holy cow, is this gonna be great!" hollers BUBL President and sports nut @@RANDOMNAME@@, wearing a fashionable giant foam finger on his right hand. "Baseball is just what @@NAME@@ needs right now! Think about it: soda, popcorn, hot dogs... oh, and I'm sure the economy will benefit somehow, too! All we need is the government funding to build stadiums and teams, and we'll be on every TV and in every city in the country!"
#68: Ornery Overcrowding Problem (does not always boost pizza)
"All these industrial factories take up so much space," argues social welfare commentator @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The fact is, not only do they pollute, but they hog land that is better used for low-cost housing. Studies show that apartments are just too cramped for people to be comfortable in. We would be a lot better off in simple single-floor houses. Especially if they're subsidised by the government."
#69: Power Problems Need Bright Solution option 3 (Option 1 decrease all industry, including pizza, but its not major)
3. "Now the way I see it is that it's either green, expensive, and sprawling; or compact, polluting and cheap. Wouldn't it be nice if we had the best of both worlds? Well, we can!" claims fission technician @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Nuclear power is reliable, clean, and although it isn't cheap, it won't break the bank. There is a risk of deadly meltdown, but this is relatively small, and the only people who could be against this are anti-nuclear protesters, but what do we care about those tree-hugging hippies?"
#74: @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast And Furious option 1 (yeah option 2 reduce pizza )
"If you don't let us race on real racetracks, then we'll just keep running on the roads at night!" says racing fans' favorite @@RANDOMNAME@@, at the wheel of a tricked-out Honda. "Would it kill you guys to build a couple of nice big race facilities? Think of the money you'd make on charging admission and selling drinks and stuff! And it'd be a lot safer than all of us tearing around on public roads! Forget about the people griping about the noise pollution!"
#80: Easter Egg: Aliens Wish Peace/Trade Agreement option 1 This is the reason I wrote this dispatch
1. "Take us to your kneader!" says @@RANDOMNAME_REVERSED@@, alien lawyer. "We have heard wonders of @@NAME@@'s pizza, and must have it. We are certain that a valuable trade route can be set up between our peoples. You could have our first born, for example." Your Secretary of Trade is shocked, "First Born?! That's slavery!" but quickly calms down upon discovery that their young are considered a great delicacy there. "You know, maybe we should open up trade with them?"
#99: We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians option 4
"Great Scot! I've got it!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, your science advisor. "Why do we need these brick and mortar buildings anyway? Let's just scan all these books, newspapers and magazines onto the internet and then we can fire all those expensive librarians with their pensions and healthcare benefits. Think of the money we'd save if we didn't have to print everything! Sure it'll be tough on the librarians and those with no computers but hey, this is the future and they are the past."
#138: Keep The Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters Choose Option 1, since option 3 will decrease pizza, along with all industry, and option 2 is horrible
"Do we really have to listen to these nutcases?" asks Director of Urban Development, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The fact of the matter is that nature is BORING. Give us permission to build on the greenbelt and you'll have industrial estates, farming communes, and glorious monuments to the Socialist Struggle! We can always transplant a few trees and put them in a tree museum to keep the tree-huggers happy. @@NAME@@ stands to gain a great deal of productivity from this!" (There's a capitalist variant)
#140: A Grave Problem Choose option 1
"The expansion of cemeteries must end if the remaining government land is to benefit the economy," says the Minister of Death, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "What I propose is that we declare all graves over, say, ten years old, as vacant. And then dump a new corpse in it. Hey, nobody objects to sharing a university dormitory with another person, why should they object to sharing their grave?"
#157: Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits Choose option 1 (yeah I, Beetlesified as pizza
"It's atrocious!" wails Private @@RANDOMNAME@@, from amidst the cacophony of a parade cadence. "We're forced to sleep in crowded barracks, on hard cots, and do the most inhumane exercises when we wake up! Just today I've had to crawl through a muddy minefield, climb a grease-coated wall, and to top it all off, get mangled by an angry drill sergeant! All we want is a little respect from the officers - maybe to sleep in until noon, and not have to get all sweaty and tired doing stupid things like marching and climbing ropes. Oh, and private bedrooms too - we're risking our lives for the country, after all."
#288: Super-Sized Pizzas Recipe For Disaster? option 3 (do not choose 1 or 3
3. "That's preposterous!" replies @@RANDOMNAME@@, Head of Papa Pallocci's Public Relations division. "Our food is among the healthiest in @@NAME@@! We offer an array of fresh veggies and the finest of meats. These radicals are calling for the government to intervene, but is it really the government's job to babysit our customers like that? They're big boys and girls, and it should be up to them to decide what they want to eat! They want pizza, so let them have pizza!”
#304: Time for Paternity Leave, say Dads option 3 (option 2 is terrible for pizza) but option 3 is the same, without down sides
"I agree that we can't discriminate against gay and adoptive parents," says your Minister for the Family, @@RANDOMNAME@@, "But there's a limit to how much of a burden we can place on employers. How about offering, say, six months' joint parental leave, and letting the couple divide it up how they want? That way families can find a solution that suits them, without costing the country too much."
#319: Sizing Up The Competition option 1 Yes, introducing the metric system has an effect on the production of Pizza, although, indirect and small.
“Our measurement system is a complete disaster!” wails renowned engineer @@RANDOMNAME@@, brandishing the odd-looking result of a recent project. “We’re stuck using primitive and illogical measurements like ‘fingers’ or ‘donkeypower’ or ‘MegaFonzie’. It’s too much! Practically every other nation in @@REGION@@ has converted to the metric system. Think of how much it would help our international communication! It’ll cost a few deniers to convert, but it’ll be damn cheaper than the mistakes our system is causing!”
#457 Colossus With Feet of Clay option 3 (option 4 decrease pizza)
“Mercuria Shadowlight, have you no respect for our sacred lands?” asks Runs With Christmas Bats, Chief of the Violetstone tribe. “My people have lived in these lands for countless generations and now you are going to desecrate them? Even worse, you plan to honor imperialist monsters who slaughtered our ancestors? The government should be apologizing for those atrocities, not celebrating the butchers behind them. Mercuria Shadowlight, these are our lands, not yours. Our home is not a tourist attraction. You must respect that. Our people have suffered enough.”
#484: Patriot Or Patri-not? choose option 5
"Or, you know, we can do none of that," yawns an apathetic citizen wearing a Bigtopian football jersey, who only came to the meeting because of your offer of free pizza. "I mean, not everyone wants to support the country or whatever. People shouldn't be forced into loving the country through government action. Sure, then maybe you won't have people caring as much, but... hey! The Real Housewives of @@CAPITAL@@ is coming on. Is there a television somewhere in here?"
#485: Really Real eSports Tournament Choose option 1
"eSports are just as popular as real sports, if not more," says top-tier player @@RANDOMNAME@@, seen wearing a Barrychu t-shirt. "If one tournament can generate that much money, imagine how much more year-round tourneys will bring! I'll have you know that eSports require just as much skill and talent as so-called real-life ones. Our organizations have everything the professional sporting organizations have: drama, sweat, gambling, corrup-, err, competition. eSports are the future, and with some nice government grants we can really propel the industry forward."
#557: Take A Hike! choose option 2, option 3 will reduce pizza (may not boost pizza, but option will make your job harder)
The helicopter crew patches an incoming call through to your headset. "Hello?" asks famed luxury safari hunter Beauregard Leopold Addington III, Esq. "You know, my friend's business makes satellite phones that can allow rescuers to contact hikers and assess the situation before calling out the cavalry. Sure, the service subscriptions are pricey, and your signa**SSHBZZZTPSSHFTZZPFT**ways get through, but mandatory sat-phones for hikers will reduce false alarms and are great for checking your stock portfolio from any summit!"
#619: X Marks The Cult? Option 3 (you must not be an atheist nation to receive this)
3. “All must hail His Immaculate Munchiness!” announces @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, a former Luigi Bros pizzeria owner who claims that the franchise’s insane prices literally sent him to a mental hospital. “We are aware that other religions should be allowed to exist in this world, yet these two are claiming the land for inhumane and overall unusual reasons, in the Cult of Pizza’s opinion. The church we will build will have a free pizza buffet for all! The only cost? Well, we aren’t really building a real 'church' per se. We are actually building a pizza store with a church inside of it. That’s a small price to pay for His Holy Crustiness!”
#637: Little Pizza History choose option 3, option 2 is fine
3. “Why not have your cake and eat it too?” asks your underachieving Culture Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while tucking into a tray of vol-au-vents taken from a recent gallery opening. “By which I mean have food AND culture at the same time. We should preserve these historical sites and allow - no, actually, make that REQUIRE - that they all have restaurants built within them. Imagine it: a roast on the spit in an old castle, tea and scones in noble palaces, all-you-can-eat-buffets in museums commemorating the Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Famine. Now that’s what I call culture!”
#705: The Germ Of An Idea option 2
“You’re out of your mind if you’re even considering this,” asserts @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of the small town restaurant, The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Gourmet. “Millions of people eat in restaurants every day, and normal people don’t have any problems! It’s just the wimps who are blowing this whole ‘food poisoning’ and ‘lack of food safety’ thing way out of proportion. Over-sterilisation of our environment weakens our immune systems. You should get rid of any ideas of food standards regulation, and we’ll all be healthier for it!”
#766: Carbon Emissions Are Why We Can’t Have Nice Things choose option 1 (since option 3 decrease all industry)
“Well, we always knew this day would come,” laments renowned business tycoon @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The important thing now is to ensure that the most business-friendly option is pursued. If we hook ourselves up to one of the established cap-and-trade systems, we can go shopping in the backwater signatory states and buy enough permits to allow @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ companies to continue producing at their current rates. Our industry won’t technically reduce their emissions, but it’s an ‘international’ treaty, right?”
#811: Get Baked Choose option 4
"AAAAAAAAAAARGH!" screams your niece, causing everyone to suddenly turn to her. "Thank you! Who cares what kids eat? It should be our choice alone if we want to eat cookies and candy all the time, not yours! Give children the choice to put whatever food we want in our bodies, it's the only way!"
#863: Oiling the Wheels of Diplomacy otion 2 (option 1 decrease all industries, option 2 raise them all)
“We can’t afford to listen to that old hag,” scoffs your Finance Minister. “Althaniq trade brings considerable prosperity to our economy. I personally... uh, I mean to say we as a nation, make oodles of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ from our exports to them, and our petrochemical-reliant industries benefit massively from their low per-barrel prices. This so-called evidence isn’t proof of guilt, and why is it even our business what our trading partners get up to in their dealings with other nations? In fact, with so many nations embargoing them, we’ll be able to exploit their desperation to demand even lower oil prices. Let’s strengthen trade instead, then sit back and profit.”
#882: Death by Chocolate option 2
“Life is like a box of chocolates,” says renowned sprinter Forrest Gumbo, apparently oblivious to how tone-deaf he sounds. “You never know what you’re gonna get. If you ban peanuts, you’ll get a student who’s allergic to shellfish. If you ban shellfish, you’ll get a student who’s allergic to wheat. You can’t ban it all. If your kid has a food allergy, it’s up to you to make sure they know what’s safe to eat and what’s not.”
#887: Thin Skin (Option 3) in fact anything but option 1, since 1 will decrease Pizza
“Simply banning photo-editing is insufficient,” proclaims plus-sized pop star Megan Plimsoll. “It’s abhorrent that only tall, slim women are considered for modelling jobs when the clothes will be sold to women of all shapes and sizes. I suggest a government mandate declaring that fashion designers must fairly represent women of every size on their catwalks and in their photoshoots. Only then can we start to fight inequality in the fashion industry.”
#893: Bread is the Stuff of Strife
2. “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience,” commiserates your server, apparently named @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ judging by @@HIS@@ name-tag, while bowing @@HIS@@ head in apology. “I certainly understand your concerns. However, our complimentary breads are just that: complimentary, a bonus, free! Certainly, what is not eaten may very well be disposed of, but these little touches show that we care deeply about our customers. Personally, I believe it is sensible for restaurants to be allowed to choose for themselves regarding the matter of complimentary snacks. Now, can I start you off with something to drink?”
#910: A for Effort option 4
“Why are college entrance criteria so elitist anyway?” enquires @@RANDOMNAME@@, an intern who has just completed a college paper on socialism. “Why not just make going to college mandatory for every @@DEMONYM@@? College education should be free for all until the age of 24. Yes, it will require a boost in taxation to pay for it, but everyone will surely appreciate their government-funded master’s degree.”
#922: I’ll Have What She’s Having option 1 (Option 2 will decrease it)
. “We. Must. Have. This. CAKE!” shouts your grandmother, gripping her tile tray with surprising intensity. “Buy it in. Relax any and all barriers to entry. This could be a once in a lifetime experience! Don’t you dare stand in our way!”
#936: Hackable Elections? Option 2, (option 1 may decrease pizza)
2. “The problem isn’t so much who hacked our elections, but how!” replies your technophobe political adviser as @@HE_1@@ shakily puts down @@HIS@@ phone. “The solution is simple - ban voting machines from being used in elections forevermore. Whatever happened to marking an x on a ballot? Pen and paper is the tried and true method of voting. Sure, the ballots could easily get lost, and it’ll be expensive and time-consuming to maintain, but at least it’ll safeguard us from further political interference!”
#955: Can It! option 3
"Our problem is that the nation has lost any sense of fine ingredients!" declares chef @@RANDOMNAME@@, manager of @@CAPITAL@@'s finest eatery The Gilded @@CURRENCY@@. "There's no need to ban the commercial food industry. You should merely ensure that manufacturers and chefs use better-quality ingredients. Once they have tasted food that's not filled with monosodium glutamate and E-numbers, they will be lining up at the door to taste all the fine cuisine @@NAME@@ has to offer. Such as the delights offered by my restaurant." @@HE@@ places a freshly-cooked deep-dish pizza in front of you.
#1013: Grave Disease option 1(option 4 will decrease it.)
"This virus, inadvertently reactivated following permafrost excavation, was thought to be fully eradicated a few decades ago," exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, wearing a full hazmat suit. "If it spreads, it could cause devastation in @@NAME@@ on an unprecedented scale! Simply put, both our immune systems and the pharmacological armory are not prepared to face this threat. We must quarantine ground zero and offer vaccinations to nearby settlements, unless you want a pandemic on your hands."
#1059: Footing the Bill choose option 3 for some reason option 1 reduce pizza
“Our current crop of so-called ‘world-class’ players has clearly failed, despite all the money we threw at them,” opines @@RANDOMNAME@@, who grimaces every time @@HE@@ hears the official Calvinball song. “Forget about this rabble and instead transfer the funding to the professional development of our youngsters. We can create new youth clubs and leagues, and let’s just forget about all this ‘let’s turn @@NAME@@ into a Calvinball powerhouse’ nonsense. Encouraging kids to exercise and maintain good health is far more important than pursuing a hopeless dream. If the kids turn out to be world champions years down the line, then that’s just a bonus.”
#1065: Pulling Out option 4 (this is an indirect small raise to all industries)
“So, you want to help our planet by bombing other countries?” mockingly interrogates Catherine Gratwick, recent victor of the Annual @@CAPITAL@@ Dance-Off. “Forcing nations back into the agreement won’t help; in fact, they may be on to something here. If our treaty partners can’t keep up with the pace, we might need to take things slow and propose a reduction in treaty obligations to the other member states. Communication is key in a relationship, and it will certainly stop our friends from pulling out in the future.”
#1107: Welcome to the Party option 2
“Well, that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, leaning well out of the way of the flying spittle. “This serious lack of interest surely shows an underlying frustration with our Party’s monolithic approach. We should open ourselves up to debate and discourse from every tendency, not just the ones that can learn to parrot party slogans. After all, are we not at our best when we are butting heads in perpetual argument?”
#1138: Shock Tactics option 3 (DO not miss that option, for pizza its awesome, for realist we pass)
“Health spending is a black hole,” moans tired-looking health economist @@RANDOMNAME@@, sipping at a plastic cup of nasty-smelling instant coffee. “If you help people live longer you just get older people with even more expensive and complicated medical problems. A good heart attack stops the oldies from being a burden on the economy. We ought to slash healthcare funding, and instead subsidise industries high in profit and saturated fat, then head out for an ice cream smoothie. Life’s too short! Or rather it isn’t, and that’s the problem.”
#1200: choose your god wisely (last option - you must have a religion to get that issue)
“Let’s end this sacrilege by enticing Messy with copious amounts of food,” scoffs your uncle, stuffing his face with the biscuits on your desk. “Provide the finest food at his hotel rooms and training facilities. He’ll soon turn into a portly specimen, won’t be able to play the game any more and then no one will call him ‘God’. Problem solved.” Letting out a huge belch, he snatches your plate of scones.
#1418: The High Life Option 1
1. “Hey, raising kids is a lot of work, and you can’t blame people if they have a hard time keeping up,” says one of your laziest aides. “We just need more social services and government-funded day care to make sure families have the support they need. Can you pass me another doughnut? I’ve got the munchies.”