Past Two Weeks | 8/12-22/12 - No-One Controls TWI

Hey Islanders! Merry Christmas! I hope for all of our sakes there are less christmas carol parodies in this edition of Past Two Weeks^™ but I am giving no guarantees. Quick reminder or explainer that I’ll only do news, TWItter and the League thread in PTW unless I got some stuff I wanna advertise. If you’re looking for what’s going on a broader scope, take a look at the stuff the Office of RP puts out.

Yaaaaaaaaarrrrrr…. It’s Rewind Time. If I controlled Rewind I would want theocracies and Corindia.

Woooosh sound
Clicks fingers

Some electricity thing was set up in Corindia whilst San Jimenez’s quest to become a theocracy is drawing nearer to completion as the completely unhypocritical Catholics in the nation seek to tie citizenship to Catholicism. Meanwhile, they seek to go on a state visit to Dragao Do Mar, a liberal democracy. Thuzbekistan goes even further into the dumps as the classic poor belligerent nation-state trope gets a bit of nuance amidst leaks regarding the nation’s now no longer secret missile program. In Kotelia, the Prime Minister - who looks strangely familiar, calls for a snap election in an attempt to consolidate and increase his power without forced conversions.

The Osters freak out a little at the revelations surrounding Thuzbek missiles whilst the Razzgriz Government attempts to continue its efforts in casual cultural expansionism in order to obtain a Cultural Victory (still annoyed the Iroquois somehow beat me to that whilst I was trying to go full roman empire without choosing Rome). Violent protests continue in Thuzbekistan as the leader of the nation faces the music. Roendavar’s mini-purge (otherwise known as the T event) continues as Ainslie’s concern surrounding transnational crime seems to be magically resolved. More totally unhypocritical catholics complain in Roendavar at the chance of loving thy (new ethnic) neighbour alongside some lovely ego-stroking by Roendavar Today. Democratically elected Marian leader confirms a state visit to new the leader of the and I quote “new defenders of Christendom”. Oturia continues to defy calls for his news to be delivered entirely in haiku as the Prime Minister of the nation responds to the Marian leader. Oturia magically lifts sanctions on Thuzbekistan, breaking international norms and raising more than a few eyebrows. Repeat offender Oturia begins to blend missionary work with AID as volunteers flock to the nation.

A strange sense of normalcy continues in Almorea as the bureaucracy once again causes headaches just as the President of New Totzka goes to have a playdate with the Almorean President. The NRA-initiated theory of “more guns make everything safer” gains new evidence as some guy trying to randomly shoot people is stopped by a guy with a gun. Almorea’s and New Totzka’s playdate seemed to go well as they agree to trade toys. Totally not foreshadowy Noronnican leader gets annoyed when Noronnican leader for now cancels the Remembrance Day events. Strangely familiar (*cough* Negarakita look at this *cough*) Kotelian leader gets annoyed at haiku-abstaining Oturia for dropping its sanctions on Thuzbekistan.

Balnik quitely pokes Greater Pretoria as it is glowing and signs a trade agreement with a military dictatorship. Pretorian media freaks a bit whilst Totzkan media gives us a super optimistic explainer surrounding the Almorean-Totzka trade deal.

Kotelian Parliament plans to have an election on January 2 whilst Thuzbekistan’s “spineless diplomacy” leads them to aggravate one of the few nations not significantly agitated by their previous expeditions. Dormill-Stiurian media gives us some football scores as Menna Shuli enjoy the rare fruits of international cooperation. Vancouvian media makes their government’s puppetry of the International District official whilst seeking to out-China China in a situation akin to the South China Sea dispute. South Gael Morning Post writes a scarily objective article about Vancouvian Neo-Imperialism whilst The Beet breaks its unfortunately long radio silence to give us “opinions” on recent Vancouvian acts.

Svalbardian media displays strong rhetoric towards Vancouvia whilst the Townsider Government regulates sausages more. Refugees don’t seem to like Aruia whilst radical feminists are given a reason to not like Thuzbekistan by #herworld. Athara Magarat’s Government continues on its path to make everyone hate the nation by changing its immigration policies whilst they seek to restrict military travel through their waters. Wellsia has some festival whilst Oturia does the super generous thing of releasing prisoners who shouldn’t be in prison in the first place.

The darned communists set alight a Pretorian Government building whilst Athara Magarat lifts its military blockade but also releases some team scores. Varikan King gives a speech on its affairs with Vancouvia whilst some unsubtle exploitation of indigenous people continues in the nation... sounds familiar. Greater Pretoria suspends its Constitution indefinitely as discontent with the political situation erupts. Gresswell Island and Ainslie respond to the recent events in the region whilst Muslim lad president Namazullah addresses the blockade of the International District by Athara Magarat.

Noronnican totally not foreshadowy Overlord is forced to declare his abdication after committing unconstitutional acts whilst it responds to people responding to them. Greater Pretoria casually gets some laws in to fill up the void the constitution left a little bit. Osean media commentators on Argus issue including the dam, the war games, the blockades and the effects of naval exploration on biodiversity and ecological sustainability. Dormill and Stiura, albeit a bit late, responds to everything mentioned before. Big floods on the big island of The Ostregais. Athara Magarati diplomats and politicians do the classic “we’ve fixed everything although we really haven’t”, a common act for them. We got some old maps that I feel like deserve a cooking into scrolls in your oven (if you do this, make sure you do it just right or else you’ll have a fire on your hands). Svalbardian ego exertion hailed as success by Svalbardian state media. Surprisingly moderate and rational meritocrat killed by his own police force in Keverai whilst state of world affairs leaves the Almoreans with an uneasy feeling.

The Mennan delegate talks numbers regarding the broken dam, the Oturian delegate attempts to turn this into an opportunity for his missionaries and the Oster delegate is being super private about everything, as normal. The Corindi delegates like the idea of a league-led organisation, the Magarati likes the multilateralism. The crusAID from the Oturians continue as they don’t want to be involved. The clearly partial Negarakitan delegate questions the motives of missionary aid. The Mennan delegate reminds everyone of the proselytizing laws whilst giving more information regarding logistics.

Svalbardian delegate storms in stereotypically, ready to rip up any relationship the nation had with Vancouvia. Then they promise to do a mini parade through shipping lanes threatened by recent moves. The Dormill-Stiurian delegate is annoyed since he has to spend diplomatic capital he didn’t want to on pesky boats. The Vancouvian delegate strays incredibly close to yelling FAKE NOOZ in the Chamber whilst the Dormill-Stiurian delegate continues being disappointingly formal. The Svalbardian delegate continues being angry whilst the Magarati states that they have no reason to be. Non-stromboli-eating San Montagnan delegate agrees with the Svalbardian Government whilst the Magarati delegate throws customary international law into the bonfire which is TWI. The Magarati then points out some angry ethnics living in San Montagna Phew… the normal Magarati delegate mentality is still here…. Ruios continues to be the thorn of Gael whilst Aruia calls for calm. The Oturian delegate mistakes the International District for sovereign Vancouvian land whilst a small discussion about fishing rights begin. The Osean delegate [From Razzgriz, yes I get that mixed up too] begin a rant. The Almorean calls for calm whilst the Ahnslen delegate does the same whilst dropping a casual passive-aggressive line. The Osean delegate continues their rant. The Svalbardian delegate reminds the League of International Law whilst the Ruiosian delegate lectures her on escalating conflicts. Ahnslen delegate follows stereotypical multilateral line. Ruiosian delegate plays to the ego of Svalbardians unsuccessfully. The Roendavarian delegate delivers a Verdonian-like message to the League whilst the Vancouvian delegate gets a bit salty. War games are back in the discussion whilst the Osean delegate continues the rant. Vancouvian delegate rests on excuses of anti-terrorism and anti-piracy whilst giving atotally honest speech regarding the need for the International District’s sovereignty. The Magarati delegate uses the ecological sustainability scapegoat whilst the Ruiosian delegate jokes about the health of the Osean delegate, which will certainly go down well. The Magarati somewhat removes the blockade whilst the Negarakitan reminds her that it is still a breach of international law. Svalbardian delegate kinda rehashes what she said before. KAY-POP Cheoju’s Foreign Minister enters the League. The Svalbardian enquires about war games whilst the Magarati delegate rehashes what she said before. Someone’s getting fired! - the Cheoji foreign minister glances “icily at his secretary”.

Ever wondered what delegates do when they’re not furthering their interests in the League chamber? Well, they’re furthering their interests outside of the League chamber of course. Let’s take a look at what they’ve been saying this Past Two Weeks^™. Just a click disclaimer, these are conversations that often happen in private and as a result assume that only the nations involved in these know of the content of them. If you think the League chamber is good, the out of session thread is where you get all the goss. So, let’s take a look.

Unironic Thuzbek businessman talks to Ahnslen diplomat who is not pleased by the man’s presence. He ends up ominously leaving and foreshadowing the new Thuzbek claim on Gresswell Island. The Marian Diplomat and the Ahnslen one cross paths and talk about San Jimenez. Corindian Foreign Service Officer spins around on his chair and then discusses the issue in Vancouvia with Vancouvia. Whilst the Osean, Dormill-Stiurian and Svalbardian representatives talk about them within itself. Noronica, one of Athara Magarat’s few remaining allies sends a strongly worded letter whilst the Magarati hides behind excuses surrounding imperialism. People get shot up in Menna Shuli despite the delegate’s warning surrounding foreign aid workers in the nation. The Magarati delegate seems surprised, whilst the Svalbardian delegate is concerned and the Miklanian delegate asks the Mennan one what on earth they’ll do.

Big politician in Magtel congratulates the Marian leader on winning as the soon-to-be Alteran dictator gives us a biology lesson. Thuzbek lad calls him sexist and weak. Newly re-installed Canone of San Jimenez proclaims how he will make his nation the “defender of Christendom”. Herworld unveils the patriarchy whilst the Thuzbek threatens to throw them in prison. In New Totzka, nothing will really be happening until New Year’s, which turned out to be an accidental tweet.

Guy then just got fired. Ahnslen Foreign Minister lets San Jimenez know they’re keeping an eye on them whilst some protestor calls San Jimenez a “theocracy”. Aruian President calls out the Vancouvians whilst @RealPresident40 from Almorea does so as well. The Oturian Family somehow links their own internal affairs to Vancouvia and its really sketchy claim to a right of self defence. Noronnican PM tweets about “Unity”.

With everything happening in The Western Isles this fortnight, we here at Past Two Weeks have one question and one person who can answer the question we have.