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The Kapa ʻEhu Kai of The Shining Purple Light

“Ua Mau ke Ea o ka ʻĀina i ka Pono”

Overview • Factbook • Dispatches • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Kapa ʻEhu Kai of The Shining Purple Light is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Queen Ululani with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ritual sacrifices, frequent executions, and lack of airports. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical population of 11.298 billion Kānaka are proud of their wide-ranging civil freedoms, and those who aren't tend to be dragged off the streets by men in dark suits and hustled into cars with tinted windows.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, well-organized government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Honolulu. The average income tax rate is 99.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Kanaka economy, worth a remarkable 1,519 trillion Pūpūs a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Information Technology industry. Average income is an impressive 134,487 Pūpūs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation locks people up and tells them they're mad for compassion's sake, stylish juvenile delinquents are highly overrepresented in fatal motorcycle accidents, the government's new priority is citizens' access to cat videos, and healthcare workers are flummoxed over the spike in foreign tourists with sudden-onset heart disease. Crime is totally unknown. The Shining Purple Light's national animal is the Nēnē, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Mana.

The Shining Purple Light is ranked 942^nd in the world and 2^nd in The Western Isles for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 24,780.18 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.

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