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“I will not coup the South Pacific; I swear”

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The Democratic Minion's Republic of The Haughtherlands is a colossal, socially progressive nation, ruled by Supreme Sponge Joseth Spongister with an even hand, and renowned for its teetotalling pirates, prohibition of alcohol, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The compassionate, democratic population of 7.686 billion Theditch enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, liberal morass — juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Liquorice Lagoon. The average income tax rate is 94.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Theditch economy, worth 770 trillion Sponge Sterlings a year, is quite specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology and Tourism. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 100,311 Sponge Sterlings, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Supreme Sponge Joseth Spongister can cry on demand, customer satisfaction with online delivery services is at an all time high, coffee cups have grown in size to accommodate the huge ingredients list, and former arsonists can be found on local fire brigades. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Haughtherlands's national animal is the Kitchen Sponge, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Spongism.

The Haughtherlands is ranked 268,667^th in the world and 4,352^nd in the South Pacific for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring -5.83 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.