Spotlight on:

National Flag

The Glorious Book Smart Farts of The Finntopian Empire

“What's The Motto? Don't Just Do Something, Stand There!”

Category: Left-Leaning College State
Civil Rights:
Frightening
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Some

Regional Influence: Dominator

Location: The Finntopian Region of DOOM

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11

The Finntopian Empire: An Overview

FACTS ABOUT THE FINNTOPIAN EMPIRE
Razorbills live here.
We have no minimum wage.
Any mental health support (therapy, rehab, etc) is free
Firelighters are called firestarters (translation) because of "that one song" according to the leader.
You get a top hat and sword when you graduate from third-level education.
We have heated sidewalks.
Access to water, electricity, and the internet are all around 100%. The literacy rate is also around 100%.
Cigars are more popular than cigarettes/vapes.
The average height is 5 foot 11 for men, and 5 foot 6 for women.
All citizens are natives because we've never allowed slavery or immigration.
The average IQ is 111.
We are dark-skinned.
The national dish/flower is blackberries, it's tradition to make ice cream out of them when they start to appear.
We have Grandfather Frost and call him Father Frost.
Classes are high quality, everyone gets the same sex education, and there is no homework or uniforms.
The architectural style is Renaissance, both interior and exterior.
We are known for our colourful buildings, similar to Russian ones.
The most popular video game is Skylanders, with Minecraft in second, and Skylander toys are still being produced and sold in the country.
Tipping is rare, but not rude.
In Finntopian Chess you have to take the king to win.
The timezone is +12.
The tallest building is 542m, "The High" (it sounds cooler in Finntopian).
We use LinkWeekend Wednesday.
March is called Marchuary, April is Apruary, May is Jmay, and August is Jaugust.
The national colour is the RGB value #B00B69.
Our Top-Level Domain is FE.
We're very punctual.
We're in the UN.
We use market communism with labour vouchers.
We've never had a war.
We use the LinkDutch version of red light clearances.
Days are ten hours, there are one hundred minutes in an hour and one hundred seconds in a minute. There are 100,000 seconds in a day.
We have 13 months, the extra one is the seventh and called Heisenmonth, which has 29 days (30 on a leap year) while the rest have 28.
Our leader is an 8 foot 1.5 inch tall albino black with blue eyes and ginger hair in a mullet who uses God/Gods/Godself pronouns and identifies as an aglet.
Dinosaur and globe theory are taught in school.
We hardly use memorization work in schools.
Referees for every sport may wear any shoes they want.
FACTS ABOUT THE WORLD THE FINNTOPIAN EMPIRE EXISTS IN
Breasts are not considered sexual or to be covered up.
The Patriot Act and similar laws don't exist.
Candiru fish don't exist.
The DPRK's basketball rules are used.
Pluto is considered a planet.
The world uses Linkthis type of tic tac toe.
LAW
Unconsentual body modification,
Buying or selling plastic bags or bottles,
Calling your pet a "fur baby,"
Ibubble bubble wrap,
giving alcohol to a moose or fish,
not giving you back 100% change in shops,
and child beauty pageants are illegal.
There are no maximum road speeds anywhere.
No one is above the law.
You are innocent until proven guilty.
The law does not take gender/race/age into account.
Lying about rape has the same punishment as rape.
Duelling (including to the death),
Driving at 16,
All weapons (with a licence, training, and mental assessment),
All drugs (at 20),
Saying anything at any volume,
and driving with no seatbelt are legal.
Planes must use LinkModified Steffan boarding.
Snails and sloths may use trains at no cost. Jellyfish are required to pay, whether by themselves or not.
Marriage is not recognized by law and is hardly ever even performed symbolically.
No types of insurance are required by law, e.g. car insurance.
The minimum age for a leader is 20. If the first in line is not of age, it will default to the closest relative in the succession over 20 years of age.
MILITARY
Our navy is made of old fancy boats with cannons.
The army is Weaponized Assault Penguins, "WAPs." These are penguins we gave homes, apache revolvers, and military training.
Our WAPs wear light and flexible yet strong body armour, which is quite technologically advanced, featuring constant location monitoring, a camera, and information about the penguin's health.
WAPs are on the flag, heroes Mel (left) and Steve (right).
The penguins are also given shields, and trained to perform testudo.
LANGUAGE
We write top to bottom, switching to bottom to top every other line.
We use the undecimal number system and the new number is 𓅱.
The language is not gendered.
We have a neutral singular pronoun.
Punctuation marks are at the start of a sentence.
The alphabetter: qwrtypzdfÞghʃjŋlvbnm.
We roll Rs.
If you directly translate Finntopian words, toes are feet fingers, Firelighters are firestarters (because of that one song), fishers are master baiters and Soccer/Football is Shoeball.
The letter W is pronounced "we" instead of "double u."
Capital letters are only used for names and for when a letter's name is said, e.g. cheese would be chEs.
We use Evidentiality.
We use Clusivity.
We don't have an extra word for brunette, our word for it directly translates to brown.
our plural version of left and right means that it has an "on the" at the start. If this was in English for example, rights would mean on the right, and lefts would mean on the left.
We pronounce the letter "z" zee, not zed.
We say "scratch the armpits of an earthworm" (English translation) to insult people.
To say we're going to the toilet we say we're "playing chess with the pope" (English translation).
We use a mix of imperial and metric, the measurements are millimetre, centimetre, inch, foot, decimeter, metre, mile, are, hectare, centiliter, deciliter, litre, dekaliter, hectoliter, kiloliter, acre, ounce, gram, pint, kilometre, gallon, stone, ton, centigram, decigram, hectogram, and kilogram.
We use Kelvin for measuring temperature.
We use many compound words, similar to the Germans. We use them more often, and in our use, the elongated words are still rather short, as we simply have shorter words.
GEOGRAPHY
England, Northern Ireland, Brittany, and the British Antarctic Territory are part of Ireland.
Sakhalin is split between Japan and Russia.
River Gambia is all part of Gambia.
The Poland-Lithuanian Commonwealth,
Chechoslovakia,
Stanistan,
Congo,
Austria-Hungary,
Sweden-Norway,
Korea,
Cyprus,
Turkey and Greece (Rome),
Yucatán Peninsula (Yucatan),
and the Republic of C.U.M. (St Pierre and Miquelon, US, Canada, and Mexico) are all united.
Finland has pre-WW2 borders.
The top part of Equatorial Guinea is part of Cameroon, and the bottom part is part of Gabon, which is called Grabon.
Pakistan and Bangladesh are part of India.
Israel/Palestine don't exist, that is where The Finntopian Empire is.
Guadeloupe (Karukera),
Circassia,
The Turks and Caicos,
The Don Republic,
Corsica,
Wessex (Sussex),
French Guiana (Amazonia),
Newfoundland Island (Labrador),
Both Virgin Islands (Virgin),
Cayman,
Pitcairn,
Henderson,
Ducie and Oeno,
Saint Barthelemy,
Sparti (Sparta),
Scotland,
Chechnya,
Novgorod Republic,
Réunion (Reunion),
Saint Helena,
Ascension and Tristan da Cunha,
Mayotte,
Cornwall,
New Caledonia,
Wallis And Futuna,
Western Sahara (Sus),
Tibet,
Venice,
Scotland,
Alsace,
Alderney,
Isle of Man,
Falkland,
Occitania,
Kuril,
Tanna Tuva,
Anguilla,
Pandaya except for the Sri Lankan part( Muvendar),
Bermuda,
Kaliningrad Oblast (Prussian Teutonic Order),
Neutral Moresnet,
Niue,
Hawaii,
South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands,
Antigua,
Barbuda,
Åland,
Wales,
East Turkestan (Uyghur),
Montserrat,
Sardinia,
Bora Bora,
French Flanders,
Faroe,
British Indian Ocean Territory,
and Ottowa are all independent.
The left part of Azerbaijan is part of Armenia.
Inner Mongolia is owned by Mongolia.
Iberia is united as Pain.
Latvia is called Flatvia and is a perfect rectangle.
Papua New Guinea is called Papua and owns the whole island.
Benin is called Dahomey.
Guinea-Bissau is called Bissau.
Oceania is called Sugondese.
Sierra Leone is perfectly circular.
Eritrea is part of Ethiopia.
Crimea is part of Ukraine.
No Paraguay/Mississippi.
New Jersey is called Fendara.
California is split into a left and right-wing state, the right-wing one on top is called Tenandrama.
South Africa and Lesotho swapped.
The Kingdom of Bugoslavia is a new country, similar to Yugoslavia with Albania and Bulgaria and is a country.
Burkina Faso is part of Niger.
Alaska is part of Liechtenstein.
French Polynesia is part of the Cook Islands.
Gibraltar is part of Spain.
Ceuta and Melilla are part of Morocco.
The Congo owns the detached part of Angola.
Guam and McDonald County are states.
The detached area of Michigan is part of Wisconsin.
We have 282 cities.
Japan is called the Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere.
HOLIDAYS
We have no Valentine's Day.
We don't have any months as celebrations, only days.
There is no Internet safety day. There are no days off that don't have a purpose.
We have Being Alive Is Jolly Cool Day: On this day, everyone will take a day off work, school, or Unemployment. We will eat doughnuts, go for leisurely strolls in the park, and be cool to everyone. Around three O'clock we will all solemnly put our hands over our hearts and pledge:
"that as the sperm that won the race, as the mud that woke up, as a blob of carbon currently taking the shape of a human, I do declare that the world is jolly cool, and being self-aware is jolly cool, and I shall henceforth open doors for people, and fill pints right up to the top with only minimal foam, and endeavour not to be a knob unless it's indispensable. And I do hereby furthermore declare that getting bored in a universe this weird is unacceptable, and if that happens, I should probably take up the tuba, or organize a water fight."
We shall have bad days, we shall have good days, all while remembering most things in the universe don't even have days at all, even if it's all a facade, there is something inside that knows it's a thing, and that it's the cat's pyjamas. That it is the veritable lobster's bottom, and there are hats, free beer, and bouncy castles.
The date for Being Alive Is Jolly Cool Day is February 17th.
We also have Ape Day on the 20th of April, emphasising gibbons. There is spoon day on June 6th, where you only use spoons to eat (this is not legally binding). The 1st of September is ber day, where we drink beer to signify the months ending in ber.
RELIGION
We wear swimming bottoms for men and one piece for women underneath waterproof robes to church, and is the official Robe-ist clothing.
According to Robe-ism, the Ultimate God made up a juicy, delicious gobstopper right in the middle of nothingness, then smashed it with a meat tenderizer, spilling the contents everywhere. This is often known as the Big Bang. This gobstopper was full of all the magic and energy of the universe. Followers of the religion believe that after you finish the game of life, you are greeted with choices, displayed like a video game, as life is believed to be a simulation run by the bear and goose. The options are "quit game," "nothingness for a while," "next level," "restart," "previous level," "spectate," and "scores." If you find yourself in conversation with another human, who is boldly making declarations about things that are still totally unknown, as if we got to this point by just making things up and being confident about them, "Ahhh, consciousness is so simple! How haven't scientists worked it out?" etc, you just reply, "NOKYO." It stands for "NO ONE KNOWS YET, OKAY‽" Praying always starts at the 17th minute of any hour.
Followers believe the chicken came first because eggs can't come.
Wednesday is the day of praying/going to church. This is one reason we take Wednesday off work.
We have three Bibles, the Really Old Testament (modified Old Testament), the Still Pretty Old Testament (modified New Testament), and the New Testament (modified Francis of the Filth).
The New Testament is the most important, it defines most of the system of Gods we have.
Followers of Robe-ism are called Jesses.
We have a month of fasting similar to Ramadan, called Robe-adan, in November.
There are no denominations.
The religion is almost 100% believed in and practised in the country.
CANON
Civil Rights and Political Freedom are canonical. A canonical policies page would have Climate Treaty, No Marriage, and No Immigration. The changed statistics are Taxation (5%), population (about 14 million), Welfare (0), and more.
NATIONAL ANTHEM
"The Finntopian Empire is a land of bright sun, where the people are full of glee, where medicine is free (yay pills), and where there's a perfect amount of chills.
You hear the Finntopian cheer, so you grab a beer.
Glory to the islands, glory to the sea, glory to all Finntopians (chanting) "like me! like me!"
People of the world, unite, don't fight, we need to stick together, it will make our country better, the land of perfect weather.
Where you can make money like Monaco, pay rent like Vietnam, work like Estonia, (chanting) "yes glory to Finntopia! glory to Finntopia!"
This is where I've chosen to be, home is where I hang my towel and I've chosen thee! To our beloved Emperor, I pledge my fealty.
(chanting) "All hail! All hail The Finntopian Empire! All hail! All hail! Within certain reasonable limits!"
I have seen the penguins marching, to all of the world's ends.
If home is where I hang my towel, it's better with friends!
I've visited different lands, I've seen cultures worldwide, and I'll choose to hang up my towel in this Empire with pride.
(chanting) "All hail! All hail The Finntopian Empire! All hail! All hail! Within certain reasonable limits!"
Not the greatest nor the largest is the Empire, Nor the richest or the coolest in the mire.
But only one country is mine, and it fills my heart with fire."

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