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The Ephyrus Pyre of The Black Cathedral

“Feed them to the grinding wheel!”

Overview • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Ephyrus Pyre of The Black Cathedral is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Khan Carolus Ironhorse with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, avowedly heterosexual populace, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.627 billion Ephyrans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Spirituality, and Industry also on the agenda, while International Aid and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ephyra. The average income tax rate is 95.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Ephyran economy, worth a remarkable 4,739 trillion Gallons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 407,658 Gallons, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.6 times as much as the poorest.

Children must be board certified to append "Jr" to their name, poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment, red rinses are frequently applied to grey hair, and citizens seem fixated on 105m x 45m rectangles. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Black Cathedral's national animal is the Gormling, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is None.

The Black Cathedral is ranked 338,780^th in the world and 5,825^th in The North Pacific for Most Pacifist, with 1.87 cheeks turned per day.

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