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The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar

“All Hail The Magic Conch”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Location: Texas

Regional Influence: Squire


The Holy Pink Morons of PatrickStar is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by The Magic Conch with an iron fist, and remarkable for its zero percent divorce rate, aversion to nipples, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.717 billion Patrick are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 95.9%.

The powerhouse Patrick economy, worth a remarkable 2,344 trillion Patricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 241,274 Patricks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

The Magic Conch's power is effectively nullified as no bill becomes law without the upper house's support, Patrick caught jaywalking often have their houses seized by the police, elections are outlawed and a hairstylist has recently received a government appointment, and creating cardboard imitations of missiles is a new top-secret military project. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PatrickStar's national animal is the Patrick, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conchism.

PatrickStar is ranked 218,296th in the world and 192nd in Texas for Largest Information Technology Sector, scoring -11.35 on the Fann-Boi Productivity Index.

Most Advanced Defense Forces: 126thMost Devout: 305thMost Ignorant Citizens: 306thLargest Black Market: 669thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 759thMost Corrupt Governments: 830thMost Primitive: 1,096thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,276thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,424thLargest Mining Sector: 1,426thTop
Most Avoided: 2,504thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 2,642ndLowest Crime Rates: 3,704thHighest Average Incomes: 3,708thHighest Average Tax Rates: 3,934thHighest Poor Incomes: 4,241stLargest Governments: 4,683rdLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 4,775thHighest Economic Output: 6,180thMost Valuable International Artwork: 6,329thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 7,438thMost Influential: 7,854thMost Subsidized Industry: 8,400thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 10,694thTop
Most Advanced Public Transport: 12,094thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 12,415thMost Conservative: 12,430thMost Authoritarian: 12,880thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 18,312thMost Advanced Public Education: 18,816th
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 1st in the regionTop
Most Devout: 2nd in the regionMost Primitive: 2nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 4th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 4th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 4th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 6th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 6th in the regionMost Conservative: 7th in the regionMost Avoided: 8th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 9th in the regionTop
Lowest Crime Rates: 10th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 11th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 13th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 13th in the regionLargest Governments: 13th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 13th in the regionMost Extreme: 14th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 15th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 16th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 17th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 3 » Studly Penguins, Tishanda, and NewTexas.