Issues

The Issue
An advertisement battle over the morality and acceptability of "coming out of the closet" is taking place on Naguals de Paz's buses, with different factions presenting their vehement cases on these moving billboards. Groups on all sides are demanding the government step in, soothe egos, and take action.

The Debate
"Last I checked, free speech meant listening to people you didn't like," yawns your advisor, Falala Khan, slouched over a sofa with a newspaper over her face, "A principle your office seems utterly devoted to... Look. Should a bunch of religious nutjobs stop homosexuals from saying it's alright for Jim and Jones to hold hands in the street? Of course not. Equally, should a bunch of tarted-up fruits stop the devout from banging on about their divine revelation? Obviously no. So why stop either of them? Freedom of expression is more important than either party's sensibilities, no matter how distasteful that might be."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, bus ads propagandize causes ranging from sexual revolution to religious pogroms.

Burn! Burn Everything!

The Issue
A recent anti-government rally by highly disgruntled teens has brought a previously minor issue to the fore: should people be permitted to burn Mikeswill's flag, or should it be a crime?

The Debate
"We should be able to burn the flag as a sign of protest. I say ignore those crazy red-blooded fanatics who won't let us! After all it's because we are a tolerant nation that we should allow it!" says Efthamia Shiomi, civil rights activist, while accidentally immolating many nearby protesters.

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, crowds of flag-burning protesters tend to accidentally become crowds of burning protesters.

Devil and the Deep Blue Funding Gap

The Issue
A group of scientists have come to your office hoping for grants to explore the deep blue sea.

The Debate
"Our lack of knowledge of the ocean is unacceptable!" lectures Jacques Zissou, Emeritus Professor of Marine Biology. "We know less about the ocean floor than we do the lunar surface. The dearth of research is absurd! Were the government to provide more funding, we could perform studies on marine life, underwater volcanoes, currents, and more. The possibilities are endless. Sure, it'll cost a pretty Kiss, but the dissertations will be enthralling."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest growing field.

Droning On And On

The Issue
A the Will of Mike drone strike in the hinterlands of Tasmania has successfully killed an infamous terrorist, Mad Max, notorious for assassinating your predecessor. However, collateral damage butchered dozens of innocent bystanders, outraging the international community.

The Debate
"Does anyone care what we have to say?" asks the Tasmanian ambassador, Cooper Ruff, rallying in front of assorted pacifists. "You have no business intervening in our lands; let Tasmania control what happens in her borders! Imagine how you would like it if we started drone striking your streets. It's time for Mikeswill to back off and let nations settle their own problems. If Mikeswill wants to help, reparations for the grieving families would be a lot more appreciated than more robot assassins patrolling the skies."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, the state auctions off combat drones to fund war reparations.

Fluoride Controversy A Toothy Problem

The Issue
Recent reports revealing that the dental health of Mikeswill is far below the regional average have ignited a fierce debate over whether to introduce fluoride to the nation's tap water reserves.

The Debate
"There's no need to go to either extreme," says Faith Yeats, your personal dentist. "It's all about, um, choice. Here's a nice alternative: why not just have clean non-fluorinated drinking water and give more funds to dentists? If we had enough money, we could make all dental care absolutely free! It will be demanding on the taxpayers I know, but they'll surely be happy when they all have sparkling white teeth!"

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, most of the nation's wealthy aristocrats are dentists.

For Whom The Road Tolls

The Issue
A group of transport analysts have suggested that a charge of five Kisses a day for vehicular access to Mikeswill's most congested inner-cities during peak hours is the only way to solve their ever-growing traffic problem.

The Debate
"Allowing cars to scoot around and pollute our cities was a bad idea in the first place," says Doris Smith, a famous environmentalist. "The solution is to restrict private transport to main roads and motorways whilst funding a major urban public transport scheme. Our buses and undergrounds could be the envy of the world! Yes, the car companies will suffer a little, and yes, there'll

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, cars are banned from built-up areas.

Get Efficient, Private Sector Tells Nature

The Issue
A group of prominent business identities has proposed privatizing Mikeswill's beaches.

The Debate
"Whoa, whoa, we're privatizing beaches now?" says local campaigner Tobias Wall. "These are public spaces! All Mikeswill's citizens have a right to enjoy them, not just the well-off. Yes, we should improve the quality of our beaches, but handing them over to the money-grabbers is not the right way to do it. The right way to do it is to boost government spending by increasing taxes."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, a government program is underway to revitalize Mikeswill's beaches.

Mikeswill's Schoolchildren Not Learning The Lingua Franca

The Issue
After a recent national survey revealed that almost three-quarters of the population only know the primary language of Mikeswill, there have been rising calls for the government to take action.

The Debate
"Fluency in foreign languages is imperative to education," says Professor Mohammed Fear of Mikeswill University. "Learning a new tongue not only gives a child a practical, marketable skill, but also encourages compassion and understanding of foreign cultures. With so many nations in the world, I do insist that we increase government funding in these areas and make it a compulsory part of the curriculum. As we say in Ancient Maxtopian: froggug sederty bungo-bungo!"

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, citizens are expected to be proficient in at least five languages.

Nobody Expects The the Will of Mike Inquisition!

The Issue
Some key figures of Mikeswill's major religious groups have requested government sponsorship for the institution of an inquisition to try heretics and blasphemers.

The Debate
"This is bloody outrageous!" screams Chastity Frederickson, head of the nation's most important civil liberties movement, People for the Ethical Treatment of Everything, while jumping up and down in front of a television camera. "These damn ultra-conservatives will plunge us all into chaos! Mikeswill can never have an Inquisition! Everyone should have the right to think, say, believe, etc, whatever the damn they please. When was the last time you released a dove on a monthly basis? Huh? HUH?! That's what I thought! It's time to move beyond these primitive beliefs!"

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion.

Private Lab Holds Mikeswill's Sick To Ransom

The Issue
Scientists at a private medical research laboratory have announced that they have produced a drug which will combat Mikeswill's most notorious malady - Spon Plague.

The Debate
"That's a disgraceful way to think!" says equal rights activist Megan du Pont. "So the people who need the most help shouldn't get any? I propose that the government subsidises the production of all drugs so everyone can benefit from them, rich or not! That way the money-hungry corporations won't profit from the suffering of the masses. Of course there will be the matter of a small tax rise to fund it - but what's that when lives will be saved?"

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, pharmacies close down as medicinal drugs are sold freely by the government.

Road Rage Rampage

The Issue
Due to the ever-increasing traffic on Mikeswill's highways, commuter tempers are flaring, leading to an increase in road rage related accidents. A recent case in which a very impatient driver attacked and seriously injured a slow driver has brought the subject rapidly to the highest levels of the government.

The Debate
"The problem is that our highway system is sorely in need of an overhaul," claims social commentator Lee Tan. "Mikeswill's highways were constructed with a far smaller number of cars in mind, and we've exceeded that traffic load by a substantial amount, resulting in traffic jams. Traffic jams lead to impatience, impatience leads to anger, anger leads to road rage, and road rage leads to violence. We need to expand the freeway system by adding more lanes to relieve the traffic congestion."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways.

Stop The Presses!

The Issue
It has been revealed that many of Mikeswill's newspapers are deep in red ink. Opinions are divided on whether or not the government should intervene.

The Debate
"There is no real problem here," says noted economist Heather de Jong. "If newspapers are no longer selling, they shouldn't exist in a free market economy; let capitalism take its course. Who cares if a few newspapers go under? Besides, it's probably good for the digital industry, right?"

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, morning coffees are no longer the same since the disappearance of newspapers.

Subpar Suburbs

The Issue
A water main burst in a suburb of Naguals de Paz. After months of inaction, the pool of standing water has turned the now largely abandoned commercial district into a watering hole for local wildlife. Local businesses have come to you demanding change.

The Debate
"Every one of these plans conveniently forgets about the animals," chastises the head barista from Bean Me Up Coffee. "Y'all saunter in here after mother nature has made the best of a bad situation. That watering hole is crucial to the local wildlife, and it simply isn't fair to take that away from the bunnies and deer and the cute little birds. Let's take whatever money we were going to waste on rebuilding this failing town and turn it into a nature reserve."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, towns that stop turning a profit are turned into animal sanctuaries.

Supreme Court Nomination

The Issue
The death of 108 year old Supreme Court Justice Ali Wu has created an opening on the bench. Below are the possible nominees.

The Debate
Gay Activist and former Senator Abraham Hanover is nominee #3. "Our people aren't happy, we need more freedom, we need more civil rights. We must keep the government out of the bedroom. We must respect people's right to privacy and remember that personal relations are just that, personal."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, the Supreme Court vehemently protects civil rights and the right to privacy.

Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?

The Issue
Certain shadowy ministerial figures have proposed government monitoring of individual internet usage.

The Debate
Privacy activist Colin Trax is outraged, as usual. "Tyranny is the natural result of limiting information! Someone, somewhere, will always find something offensive -- mimes for example. Those scare the hell out of me. But should we ban them? No! Free the internet! We have nothing to fear from free information but pop-up advertising!"

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, anti-government web sites are springing up.

Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police

The Issue
A group of concerned parishioners and soccer moms has petitioned the government of Mikeswill to outlaw heavy metal music, which they fear is a bad influence on youngsters.

The Debate
"Whoa, man... what's with the, like, censorship and stuff?" asks Falala Dovey, scruffy-haired bassist of the popular speed metal band The Destroyinators. "You can't, like, censor the music, man. That's how we express ourselves! Every bass beat is me baring my soul! Every howl is me complainin' about how my parents tried to kick me out of their basement! Besides, what's wrong with Satan? He's just misunderstood anyway. I say promote the arts, man!"

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume.

Unconventional Weapons Under Fire

The Issue
A collection of citizens, civil rights workers, and concerned mothers have signed a petition to stop the manufacturing of the 'BFG-69' (AKA 'the Organ Grinder'), a new rifle planned to be used in the military which works by shredding people's internal organs.

The Debate
"This rifle is completely inhumane," says Dr Billy Longfellow, leaning on a cane. "These weapons are unnecessarily violent - how can anyone condone something that rips apart your innards like this? How long do you think it will be before these new inventions get into the wrong hands? Shootings are bad enough but at least most people are just wounded. The BFG-69 and those of its ilk are lethal in the extreme and are completely unacceptable! We need some moral decency here and get rid of these unconventional weapons along with all the other shameful armaments like mustard gas."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, all 'unconventional' weaponry has been banned.

Wealthy Flee To Tax-free Havens

The Issue
Mikeswill's governmental revenue has been dropping sharply as the super-rich emigrate to nations with very low taxes. Faced with the prospect of massive budget shortfalls, the government must act.

The Debate
"There's no doubt we need that money to stay in the country," opines your Minister of Finance whilst leafing through an ominous-looking file. "But who says we need the people? If we imposed a massive charge on leaving the country - say 50% of the emigrating person's total worth - we'd rake in tons of cash and get rid of the filthy rich wasters at the same time."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, citizens wishing to leave the country must surrender half their wealth to the government.

Who Stands For Mikeswill?

The Issue
After the unfortunate and untimely death of Mikeswill's premier sporting mascot just before a major national Calvinball competition, the decision regarding his replacement has been pushed higher and higher up the chain of command until now, having somehow reached your desk.

The Debate
"Don't do it!" screams your personal advisor, Ella Cheswick, somehow the most flamboyantly dressed yet, "Any decision we make now will be a political torpedo: all we've been given here is a choice between being seen as convulsive, compulsive or corrupt! What we really need to prize is choice: the choice of the people to elect their own mascot - and your choice to push any really difficult political decisions onto the voting public!"

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, political scientists despair as the national mascot election eclipses all others in voter enthusiasm.

Wounded Veterans Demand A Helping Hand

The Issue
MBS Nightly News has run an interview with a former the Will of Mike Army officer who has resorted to using a hook as a replacement for the hand he lost in combat after the Department of Veterans Affairs failed to cover the cost of prosthetic surgery, prompting a deluge of complaints about the way Mikeswill takes care of its wounded veterans.

The Debate
"You can't ask young Will of Mike to go overseas to serve their country and then abandon them when they come home injured," insists recently returned double-amputee Jamil Bush. "Wounded veterans like myself who have given their limbs for this nation deserve to live in handicap-accessible housing, and to have the cost of our surgeries and therapy fully covered, even if it does cost an arm and a leg. What's the point of spending so much on expensive new tanks and planes if you're not going to take care of those of us who have given so much already?"

Following new legislation the military is slashing spending on conventional arms and diverting it to spending on prosthetic

You Just Sank My Battleship!

The Issue
Last month the Will of Mike Navy's flagship scandalously sank while docked in the Lahabana Harbor. After analysis, experts concluded the primary cause was rust from poor maintenance.

The Debate
“You're all ignoring the bigger problem!" shouts a protester outside your office window, desperately trying to catch your attention, "That sunken battleship is polluting the environment horribly. All kinds of chemicals are seeping from the wreckage, and we're doing nothing to clean it up. Instead of building yet another war machine, how about we clean up some of our old messes, starting with this shipwreck."

Following new legislation in Mikeswill, veterans are directed into environmental cleanup operations.