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The Love of Lilongwe

“Lilongwe”

Overview • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Love of Lilongwe is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Leader with a fair hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, frequent executions, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 30.789 billion Lilongweans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, liberal, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is solely concerned with Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lilongwe. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Lilongwean economy, worth a remarkable 5,674 trillion kwachas a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Soda Sales, Retail, and Gambling. Average income is an impressive 184,315 kwachas, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,706,657 per year while the poor average 1,910, a ratio of 893 to 1.

Prominent cultural symbols are featured on the backs of cereal boxes, an IT mega-corporation has a patent pending on the rectangle, the government prefers to kill off its enemies by peaceful means, and science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Lilongwe's national animal is the lion, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Lilongwe is ranked 294,015^th in the world and 11,329^th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 2.61 law-abiding acts per hour.

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