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“Friendship is overrated, have a crumpet”

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The Eminent Bakery of Crumpetopia is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by The High Crumpeteer with an iron fist, and notable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, avant-garde cinema, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.979 billion Crumpetopians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Crumpet City. The average income tax rate is 89.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Crumpetopian economy, worth a remarkable 1,315 trillion Crumpets a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 264,245 Crumpets, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government has an entire department dedicated to staring at microscopes and writing down letters, the WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet, children often kick Bats for amusement, and Crumpetopia has begun an effort to aggressively conquer neighboring countries (Crumpetopia has found 7 easter eggs). Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crumpetopia's national animal is the Bat, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Church of the Baker.

Crumpetopia is ranked 14,055^th in the world and 38^th in Fifth Empire for Lowest Crime Rates, with 97.77 law-abiding acts per hour.