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The Substitutiary Locomotion of Captain Woodhouse

“Skin on skin, let the love begin”

Category: Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:


Regional Influence: Auxiliary


The Substitutiary Locomotion of Captain Woodhouse is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by T J Eckleburg with an iron fist, and remarkable for its deadly medical pandemics, free-roaming dinosaurs, and keen interest in outer space. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 20.357 billion Captain Woodhouseans are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Valley of Ashes. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 3.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Woodhousean economy, worth a remarkable 5,178 trillion $$s a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 254,407 $$s, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 759,814 per year while the poor average 66,660, a ratio of 11.4 to 1.

An IT mega-corporation has a patent pending on the rectangle, the carcasses of double-deckers can be found littering high streets all around the country, supermarket milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets, and the nation's infamous boot camp is more brutal than most battlefields. Crime is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Woodhouse's national animal is the Death's-head hawkmoth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Aubrey-Maturinism.

Captain Woodhouse is ranked 7,389th in the world and 5th in BLITZKRIEG for Largest Populations, with 20.4 billion Capita.

Most Valuable International Artwork: 12thLargest Gambling Industry: 612thMost Efficient Economies: 702ndLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 747thLargest Retail Industry: 992ndMost Armed: 997thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,027thHighest Crime Rates: 1,054thMost Corrupt Governments: 1,203rdMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,217thFattest Citizens: 1,341stMost Subsidized Industry: 1,857thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1,902ndMost Avoided: 1,927thHighest Economic Output: 1,950thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 2,103rdTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,812thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3,045thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 3,110thHighest Average Incomes: 3,327thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 3,928thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,307thLargest Publishing Industry: 4,837thMost Cultured: 5,023rdLargest Soda Pop Sector: 5,824thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 5,940thLargest Mining Sector: 6,437thMost Secular: 6,694thMost Scientifically Advanced: 7,202ndLargest Populations: 7,389thLargest Agricultural Sector: 8,830thLargest Governments: 11,756thTop
Largest Black Market: 13,913thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 15,568thLargest Insurance Industry: 15,993rdLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 17,353rdLargest Information Technology Sector: 17,475thMost Influential: 17,530thMost Pro-Market: 19,801stSmartest Citizens: 21,452ndMost World Assembly Endorsements: 21,500thHighest Drug Use: 23,742nd
Fattest Citizens: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 1st in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionHighest Drug Use: 1st in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1st in the regionTop
Most Pro-Market: 2nd in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionMost Avoided: 2nd in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 2nd in the regionMost Cultured: 2nd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 2nd in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2nd in the region

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