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The Substitutiary Locomotion of Captain Woodhouse

“Skin on skin, let the love begin”

Category: Compulsory Consumerist State
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:


Regional Influence: Enforcer


The Substitutiary Locomotion of Captain Woodhouse is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by T J Eckleburg with an iron fist, and renowned for its digital currency, vat-grown people, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 23.082 billion Captain Woodhouseans are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Valley of Ashes. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 1.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Woodhousean economy, worth a remarkable 8,471 trillion $$s a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 367,017 $$s, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,412,805 per year while the poor average 3,618, a ratio of 943 to 1.

Military officers are given medals for disobeying orders, Captain Woodhousean farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic, a signed affidavit from a prominent anti-corruption advocate declares that she is in fact a crook after all, and wood-framed catapults are ready to launch diseased corpses into besieged cities. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Woodhouse's national animal is the Death's-head hawkmoth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Aubrey-Maturinism.

Captain Woodhouse is ranked 2,359th in the world and 1st in BLITZKRIEG for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 7,387.28 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.

Most Valuable International Artwork: 13thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 92ndHighest Wealthy Incomes: 162ndMost Armed: 193rdMost Efficient Economies: 201stHighest Crime Rates: 313thFattest Citizens: 389thHighest Disposable Incomes: 398thRudest Citizens: 428thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 454thMost Corrupt Governments: 495thMost Avoided: 512thLargest Gambling Industry: 514thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 608thLargest Retail Industry: 801stMost Subsidized Industry: 822ndMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 856thHighest Economic Output: 929thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1,016thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1,242ndMost Patriotic: 1,271stHighest Average Incomes: 1,290thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1,358thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1,462ndLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 1,685thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 1,706thMost Cultured: 1,809thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,978thMost Scientifically Advanced: 2,075thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2,083rdLargest Publishing Industry: 2,252ndLargest Cheese Export Sector: 2,359thLargest Mining Sector: 2,477thLargest Agricultural Sector: 2,521stMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2,530thTop
Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3,287thLargest Governments: 4,208thMost Secular: 5,409thSmartest Citizens: 5,552ndLargest Populations: 6,966thLargest Information Technology Sector: 7,124thMost Influential: 9,473rdMost Rebellious Youth: 11,064thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 13,463rdLargest Black Market: 13,619thTop
Most Pro-Market: 26,211th
Most Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Cultured: 1st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 1st in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionMost Pro-Market: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 1st in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 1st in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 1st in the regionSmartest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionRudest Citizens: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionMost Patriotic: 1st in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 2nd in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 2nd in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 2nd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 2 » Schreckensburg and Me and Julio.