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The Please validate me as funny of Captain Lard

“Nugget, Biscuit, Nugget in a Biscuit”

Category: Corporate Police State
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Political Freedoms:
Unheard Of

Location: Lardyland

Regional Influence: Handshaker


The Please validate me as funny of Captain Lard is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by President George W Bush with an iron fist, and remarkable for its closed borders, avowedly heterosexual populace, and zero percent divorce rate. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 2.403 billion Lardlings are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Education also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Als Toy Barn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.5%.

The frighteningly efficient AWESOME economy, worth 608 trillion The firstborn sons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 253,141 The firstborn sons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,273,318 per year while the poor average 28,126, a ratio of 45.3 to 1.

Colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation, children are often punished for the sins of the fathers, nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba, and families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Captain Lard's national animal is the Jesus of Nazareth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The gospel of James Charles.

Captain Lard is ranked 173,665th in the world and 165th in Lardyland for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring -26.46 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.

Most Avoided: 594thFattest Citizens: 606thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 612thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 759thLargest Retail Industry: 870thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 944thMost Armed: 946thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 947thLargest Insurance Industry: 1,099thHighest Disposable Incomes: 1,137thMost Secular: 1,141stMost Corrupt Governments: 1,427thLargest Mining Sector: 1,463rdTop
Rudest Citizens: 2,061stMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2,277thLargest Gambling Industry: 2,356thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2,677thHighest Average Incomes: 2,702ndLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2,865thHighest Crime Rates: 3,134thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3,725thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 3,749thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 4,250thMost Scientifically Advanced: 4,314thNudest: 4,467thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,699thLargest Information Technology Sector: 5,655thMost Conservative: 8,104thMost Subsidized Industry: 8,172ndLargest Black Market: 8,210thGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 8,553rdTop
Lowest Overall Tax Burden: 8,841stMost Efficient Economies: 10,122ndLargest Agricultural Sector: 13,331stLargest Governments: 13,509thMost Extreme: 13,889thMost Pro-Market: 15,411th
Largest Information Technology Sector: 1st in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 1st in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 1st in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 1st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Avoided: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionFattest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionTop
Largest Retail Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Governments: 3rd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 3rd in the regionLargest Black Market: 4th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 4th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 4th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 4th in the regionNudest: 5th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 5th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 5th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 5th in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 6th in the regionTop
Most Influential: 10th in the regionMost Conservative: 11th in the regionMost Developed: 12th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 13th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 14th in the regionLargest Populations: 14th in the region

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