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The Intensive Care Unit of Candlewhisper Archive is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Dustin B Twinnears with an even hand, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 20.209 billion Archivists enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business government, or what there is of one, juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Monaster. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Archivian economy, worth a remarkable 9,511 trillion slightly manky dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Soda Sales, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 470,652 slightly manky dollars, with the richest citizens earning 5.5 times as much as the poorest.

EULAs remind customers that "Private Mode" is a browser setting rather than a promise, astronauts take one small step for Candlewhisper Archive and one giant step backward from confrontation, apprentice builders get teased for wearing hard hats, and open-casket funerals are avoided at all cost. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Candlewhisper Archive's national animal is the Six-Toed Ugly Dolphin-Octopus Thing, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is New Clear Scienceology.

Candlewhisper Archive is ranked 1,330^th in the world and 5^th in Forest for Largest Furniture Restoration Industry, scoring 15,283.83 on the Spitz-Pollish Productivity Index.