Blue Sorrow Scripture (1948) - Introduction

People often say that in life, everyone faces an existential crisis at least once.

In my view, the meaninglessness of life is undeniable. We are born and die randomly, like breezes passing by, without any clear definition of our purpose. The human values we often revere are built on the fragile foundations of morality and ethics. In a relative perspective, humanity sees itself as a special species, and thus life cannot simply be a series of trivial events, right?

"God is dead"? He never existed, he represented the human will for a world with ideals, with purposes, of humans, for humans and because of humans. Now it is the human will that kills him, humans in the process of awareness no longer have room for an almighty God. That's right, humans have grown up, humans accept the reality that their fate is no better than other lives. The existence of awareness and will can be both a gift and a curse. After all, whether we see it as a "gift" or a "curse" is purely a subjective human feeling.

Don't get me wrong, I have seen Muslims and Christians, and I have been friends with them. They may be religious people and you may think they are blind, but in fact, they are the happiest people I have ever seen. Yes, although they live by absolute adherence to every dogma and it is very painful and hesitant when they have to compromise with them, but in general they are happy, peaceful and idealistic. They do not abandon their God, on the contrary, they protect God because life with God is hope, with God is faith, and when they lose God, how can they live, what can they do? Truly, I tell you the truth, if a person does not want to abandon God, then blessed are they, because it is better to be blind and happy than rational and unhappy, yes, the gift of reason is not happiness, if you can put aside reason and exchange it for happiness, wouldn't it be better? But I, the God in me, has died, and once he dies he cannot be resurrected, and I will have to live with the consequences.

In this existential journey, we begin to doubt ourselves. We recognize that we and all living beings on this planet are small, yet at the same time, we are aware of the supreme right we hold over our own bodies. Is that true? Perhaps not, for all our thoughts and everything we accept are products of the era we live in. We cannot escape the shadow of the prevailing ideologies, and no one can be completely objective. Each person lives in their own world, blind in their own way.

Thus, it is clear that I, too, am not free from ignorance when I believe that life is meaningless. However, the idea that I am ignorant might simply be another form of ignorance. So we find ourselves trapped in a cyclical dilemma: no one can be entirely objective, leading us to a conclusion: is skepticism, not believing in anything, the best choice?

Yet reason, in many cases, is a slave to emotion. The reasoning we construct is merely meant to serve our current feelings. Even if we doubt everything, we will still cling to the beliefs we want to hold. In the realm of social sciences, how many can determine what is absolutely right or wrong?

Oh, those long sleepless nights drift by, with unresolved questions echoing in my mind. Does this life truly have meaning? Or are we just lost in a journey without a destination? Life may offer us small joys, fleeting moments of happiness, but is that enough to fill the emptiness, the relentless doubt in our minds?

Perhaps, amidst the chaos of life, it is these very questions that keep us alive and aware. Even without clear answers, the pursuit of meaning propels us forward, allowing us to explore.