(Illegal Document) Blog of a hostile enemy of the State and former Third-Class Student of the Will of the Great Leader

My Weirdest Travel Experience Ever

I just wrapped up a five-day trip to the extremely isolated state of Bourgeoiss, and it was one of the most surprising—and terrifying—experiences of my life.

Bourgeoiss, officially the Democratic Republic of Bourgeoiss, is anything but democratic or capitalist. Getting a visa was a nightmare. Seriously, there’s a reason fewer than 1,000 visitors come here each year.

The Visa Saga

To understand the struggle, you need to know that Bourgeoiss has a massive military presence and a notorious arsenal of weapons. They don’t consider themselves a nation, outright rejecting the concept of "nation-states," which has led to hostility with many countries. Since I come from a nation deemed "non-friendly," there’s no Bourgeoiss ambassador in my country. I had to travel to an intermediate country just to submit my visa application.

The approval process was absurd. My application had to be reviewed by the Revolutionary Command Council, which meant waiting years for a decision. To speed things up, I had to bribe an official—unbelievably, the ambassador’s staff asked for basic goods like fast food, sodas, and banned books. This pointed to a severe lack of basic necessities in their economy, which operates on a bizarre system of "semi-subsidized" goods. After ten months of waiting, I received a denial. I tried three more times, and it took nearly four years to finally get approved!

Arrival in Bourgeoiss

Once I arrived through an intermediate country, the first impression was one of stagnation. The airport was dingy, with peeling paint and dust everywhere—not just there, but in all the official buildings.

Upon arrival, I was detained for a day by airport officials who grilled me about my intentions and political views. They seemed concerned I might be a journalist or activist. Eventually, they handed me a copy of "A Brief Introduction to the Will of the Great Leader." Despite my visa being valid for a week, I was required to take a test on this book the next day to remain in the country. I spent hours studying and, thankfully, passed. They even issued me a certificate proclaiming me a "Third-Class Student of the Will of the Great Leader", which is utterly useless outside their borders.

Blatant Exploitation

Exiting the airport was unsettling. Portraits of the Great Leader were everywhere—on buildings, signs, and street corners. The portrait depict a middle-aged man wearing a dark suit, white shirt, and red patterned tie. He is smiling and slightly turning to the right like a visionary man. The Great Leader has dark hair and is wearing black-framed glasses. He looks really friendly, educated and professional not like a psychotic dictator like they often describe his state at all.

In Bourgeoiss, the economy is tightly controlled. As a traveler, I couldn’t buy goods freely. First, I had to exchange currency at a ministry that handles everything from finance to minor trade—yes, all in one place (Ministry of Economy, Finance, Accounting, Insurance, Non-Military Production and Minor Trade). I waited for hours to exchange some banknotes. Bourgeoiss doesn’t accept foreign currency, so I had to trade gold!

The local currency is called the "Military Payment Certificate" (MPC). But even that was useless without a "Certificate of Non-Citizen Contribution" (CNC), which allows foreigners to make purchases. For example, to buy a loaf of bread priced at 1 MPC, I needed both 1 MPC and 1 CNC. The CNC had to be exchanged at yet another all-in-one ministry (Ministry of State Planning, resource distribution, public services, health, non-car and aircraft transportation and employment), again requiring gold.

This was, without a doubt, the most ridiculous way to exploit foreign visitors I’ve ever encountered.

To be continued—next time, I’ll discuss life of citizens in Bourgeoiss.