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“I'll eat you up!”
| Category: Left-Leaning College State | ||
| Civil Rights: Superb |
Economy: All-Consuming |
Political Freedoms: Very Good |
Regional Influence: Dominator
Location: Where the Wild Things Are
4
MaxDognalds
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Eating Out - MaxDognalds
28 May 2017
Eating Out - MaxDognalds
28 May 2017, by Gordon Blue
The golden arches of MaxDognalds are a welcome sight - to hungry drunks staggering home on rain-soaked nights. But no-one else. No corporation has done more to ruin our national dish, the hotdog, than MaxDognalds. Even the name is shameful, a throwback to our Maxtopian history. But somehow, this culinary urban parasite manages to cling on to the corner of every neighbourhood. How come? Let's review their menu.
The Big Max
The famous Big Max validates the saying 'size isn't everything’. A 20cm (8 inch) hotdog in a bun, the sausage itself is bland. OK, it may be 100% dog, but it has no pedigree at all. It's mostly mongrel. MaxDognalds mixes the meats from up to 100 dogs so as to provide a standard product that tastes the same every time. The secret to the Big Max is the condiments. They load the bun with sauerkraut, sweet fried onion and dill pickle. The dill pickle is unique. Pregnant women crave it. You see them sometimes, queuing up to order their Big Max. Then they bin the sausage and eat the pickle.
Chicken Leg End
The Chicken Leg End is a product that only exists to try and capture the non-dog eating market. Served in a bakehouse roll with lettuce and your choice of sauce, these crispy coated chicken thighs are nothing to crow about.
Fill-it-with-Fish
Another product for non-dog eaters, Fill-it-with-Fish consists of Kangaroo Hierarchian fish, coated in breadcrumbs and served in a bun with cheese and tangy tartare sauce. Seriously? A breadcrumb sandwich? Fish with cheese? And the fish? While Kangaroo Hierarchian fish has a great reputation, you can hardly consider it fresh if it's been brought over the border in a lorry.
Hippy Meal
In their favour, MaxDognalds did come up with the Hippy Meal, which includes fresh vegetables and organic smoothie. But really, it only exists to keep the politically correct lobby happy. It lets them fake an anti-obesity strategy, and with the same brush stroke, green-wash over the questionable practices used in producing their other meals.
So how do MaxDognalds cling to those corners like ticks on a dog? Dunno. But it's certainly not because of the food.
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