Spotlight on:

The Militant Group of Al-Shabaab

“Allahu Akbar!”

Overview • Policies • People • Government • Economy • Rank • Trend • Cards

The Militant Group of Al-Shabaab is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Ahmed Diriye with an iron fist, and renowned for its national health service, public floggings, and aversion to nipples. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 2.88 billion Somalians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Environment and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jilib. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 23.3%.

The large but inefficient Somali economy, worth 189 trillion Shillings a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Woodchip Exports, Gambling, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 65,729 Shillings, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 206,123 per year while the poor average 16,059, a ratio of 12.8 to 1.

Bruised children are made to thank their bullies for the valuable life lessons, oracles predict landslide victories for Ahmed Diriye for the next 50 years, the government baselessly accuses foreign dignitaries of being assassins, and Jack Russells have proven to be terrible spies. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force. Al-Shabaab's national animal is the Leopard, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Islam.

Al-Shabaab is ranked 317,602^nd in the world and 181^st in Africa for Most Pacifist, with 5.5 cheeks turned per day.

Top
1%Top
5%Top
10%Top
5%Top
10%